Late Night Ramblings

Looks like tonight is going to be one of those nights that I am wired until I become unconscious. Today has been a great day but it's now the wee hours of the morning and this great day won't end. This morning I wrote a blog post for Linda as a guest on her blog page- OurLymeNation
It was one of those moments I sat down with my laptop, and it all just happened. My brain wasn't fried and I felt as if my thoughts actually made it onto the screen. It has been so long since something felt easy to me, especially when it comes down to using mental energy!

Later in the afternoon I was able to get some of my own projects completed, again this never happens! I was crossing stuff off the ye ole' to do list left and right. Usually life prevents me from having that kind of spare time.  Then this evening I visited a friends house to play games. One of my friends car broke down so I went to help out. The journey was successful and we fixed a broken steering belt pulley right there on the sides of the road.

So no matter which way I look a thing my day-it was highly productive! Don't get me wrong I am not complaining, my day was great. It's my night that is frustrating me.
My usual routine is to get into bed, and turn on something to watch while I sit in the dark and begin to get tired. Tonight's program was Touched by an Angel on YouTube, love that old show. No problem here.
But as my mind begins to wander...the things in the back of my mind begin to come out of the darkness. Nothing big, it's all those little things that just add up and up and up!
My job is the complaint de jour. I love my job and the people I get to see on a daily basis. I like that I make more than minimum wage. I enjoy being in the alternative medical field getting to do things other people have never heard of. But there are some things that bother me. I just have that aching paranoid feeling that they keep me for their convenience. Like I have one foot in the door and one foot on the way out. I'm not entirely sure where this thought stems from, I have never gotten in trouble in the year and a half I've worked there and I always do what I am told. But I work in a small office with somewhere around 10 employees, with only 5/6 people on a daily basis. I certainly do not work for a super busy office. In fact, I have had three days of work canceled since the beginning of February, and several other work days cut in half. There is just no work for me to do right now. You see, because it is a  alternative medical office all the patients pay for their care out of pocket-expensive. Now that tax time is coming up, people are saving their pennies (with good reason) and skipping out on coming into the office. This creates a slump in work for me. I like to feel useful, 10ish hours of work a week to me just seems almost boring...it's two or three hours this days and two or three hours another day. I don't have a long commute, but sometimes I feel like I spend more time in my care than actually working.

I absolutely love the patients and clients I have gotten to meet and work with, there are people I legitamitly look forward to seeing when I see their name come up on my schedule. But because it is a small office and we have a limited amount of services to offer, I have very little wiggle room for moving up in position. Actually the only promotion I could possibly get is to become a doctor! There are are no other positions under or over me. I have never gotten a raise, and I never expect to get one.
Which is fine, work isn't about the money but I strive for that feeling of accomplishment. Some days I feel like my job gives me the opposite effect. I talk to people I already know and people I meet About about my office, only one person has thought we could benefit them. I have only brought my company one new patient in my year and a half of employement.
The hang up is always the cost, when I tell people an initial visit not counting supplements is about $200 people walk. They love the idea of naturally giving their health a boost, but the average overworked person needing some nutritional and adrenal support aren't interested in paying for it.

My loop of thoughts tonight has been, is my job a dead end, could I be more useful somewhere else, are they slowly trying to phase me out, what else could I do that I would have a passion for, and what should I do?!

I'm not even taking into account all f the weird looks I eat when I talk about working for an alternative doctor. Most of my relatives think alternative medicine is an expensive scam. They won't say it, but they think I could be better somewhere else.

It all just comes back on me and makes me ask the question-is there something more fun and special out there??

Okay...it's time for round two of sleeping tonight...I need to stop rambling ...