Oh Where has my Hamster Gone?

Anyone seen my hamster running around? I think he jumped off the wheel and just wandered away. Long vacation perhaps?
Anyway, brain fog has been present lately but not the worst it has been. Sudden sadness that comes spontaneously has also been showing itself  whole lot more than I appreciate.
It can happen at work, school, home, or with friends. It doesn't matter to my brain what I am doing or who I am with.

What causes this? ugh. I know, its one of those things that just is what it is for the time being. It is just so difficult to deal with life when sadness creeps up on me making me feel like crying and hiding. It makes me paranoid of the people around me, friends or not. The paranoia that everyone around me dislikes me or pretends to tolerate me just to be nice, is a rather taxing emotion. I like to tell myself it is just paranoia, but sometimes I don't know.

Work has risen back onto the stress spectrum once again. Every time I think something in my life is returning to normal-boom-wrong I am. I have found myself sticking up for another coworker who is, in my opinion, not entirely being treated as she should. Due to the paranoia, I can't tell if I am right or not. On top of that I find myself doing other peoples work so things don't get piled up. Whats worse, the slackers in the office are family members to the bosses. Naturally.
It will be a temporary issue, either someone sets them straight or I hand in my two weeks notice and walk on out the door. Its the stress factor that bothers me and causes me issues, not the work itself. I have not had to do any ridiculous amount of work to pickup for the slackers. I have however found myself annoyed by their corner cutting. but because its their family....its a waste trying to get the laziness resolved.

Needless to say, I find myself uncomfortable at work when it used to be my second home. For me its a big deal to be uncomfortable, I feel shut down and my brain just doesn't function a whole lot. With all the issues going on in my head and body...I have to have that connection where I am.
Often times at work or school I feel like its just me, other people are around but almost in another dimension. I just float through it all until I find myself back at home, alone in my bed.

I wish I never needed or wanted to leave my room. Even being around the people I love I just don't feel the bond I used to have, why? I used to love work, I loved doing well in school, and I loved going out with my friends. That was kinda my life for a long time but now, where did it go?

Ughh.
My heart rate is beginning to rise again. I can feel it. My fingers feel swollen sometimes especially in the tips. And my fitbit says my average heart rate is higher than it was last week.
This hasn't even been a stressful week! I have felt fairly well. Only a few sad teary moments. I have actually had a fair bit of energy to play around with and on top of that, minimal pain. Thats huge for me to have energy.
Hm. One day this will all be resolved and my body will function well enough for me to be a so called normal human.
Anyway, for now-

Dear Mr.Hamster,
If you get this post could you come home? I miss you making all the gears in my brain turn. I need that in my life.
Love, your old hamster wheel.