Who Stands in Your Court

 I Have Something On My Mind

So recently a few of my friends as well as my mom have pointed out to me that I like to make friends with people who are uh, projects. People who maybe come from a rougher background, I'm not saying your generic thought of "rough". Like a tattoo'd biker or a something similar, but I do make friends with people who have had struggles. 

I can have issues relating to people who have not been through a ton, which granted is not actually that many people, almost everyone has been through something major. One of my close friends texted me yesterday morning that his dad passed away. His dad was a little older and in extremely poor health, in my non expert opinion it was amazing his dad lived this long. In the 5-10 years I have known this friend, his dad has been in bad shape. His dad was in a trucking incident in the 80's and had some severe back injuries from what I have been told. Due to his decline recently and overall very poor health, my friends dad ended up with an internal MRSA infection and that was more than he could take. I feel so bad for my friend, I spoke with him on the phone and we just talked for a while to keep his mind somewhere else. Now, heres the plot twist, my friend has always had to take care of both of his grandparents as well as his two grandparents the entire time I have known him. He has been in college since I was in high school, because he has had to stop and start school and take a decreased load depending on the care he had to provide to his family. He fed them, drove them around, cleaned them, made all of their medical phone calls, worked (as he could). Never stopped or questioned it. His mom died a few years back from congestive heart failure, he took care of the funeral and made all of those arrangements. His grandmother died right after, about three weeks different. That too was on him. Now his dad has died, without any form of life insurance so once again. It is on him. Now he just has one grandmother left, who again, is completely reliant on him. He is an only child and one of the only family members around. He's told me about a cousin or two who have helped out when there is absolutely no other option. My friend has selflessly taken care of his family his entire life and basically known no other than taking care of these people, and I look up to this quality in him so much. When we talked on the phone tonight he told me he still cannot believe his dad is gone. He knew deep down the time was coming, he saw some signs but he was under the care of doctors and his dads health was poor. 

It just astounds me the selflessness my friend has had. I know I wont ever know the entire story and nor do I want to. I know his parents were a big loving support for him and always encouraged him through his life goals. But as cold as it sounds, and I cannot ever believe I would say something like this because it just isnt right, but now my friend may actually be able to breathe a little and take care of his life. His own health has been very bad because he has to neglect himself to make time for his family. He has put his own hopes and dreams on the back burner more times over than I could count. He can finally be himself in the fact he will be able to finish his college degree (I hope and assume) and will be able to have time to dedicate to his own life. This sounds selfish on one hand, but my friend has never known anything else and maybe he can succeed a little more without being responsible for so many people. 

My friend had back surgery in August of 2020, he was doing well but in the last two months he's been in a lot of pain and has had tingling and dizziness. He has not felt well at all and still has not been able to return to his job (meaning no income at this point, I thought he could get unemployment or something but so far. no). I believe he had two discs replaced (he's only in his late 20's), which is major. 

He has people he can lean on for support. He no longer lives at home where his father and grandmother were, and he has found people he can rely on some to be there for him. So he is not completely alone, I help out as much as I can but I can only do so much on my own plus the geographic distance since I moved to school.

This is just one example of the type of people I make friends with, I have known this friend somewhere between 5-10 years. Im not even sure. I have more examples of "projects"and I have realised the sort of people I tend to trend towards.

Another friend of mine recently asked me why I try to pour so much into people, especially when they are people who are more transient where I may personally get nothing or very little out of it. I said, I have been loved so much and I just need to pay it forward. We do not live an even life, life isnt fair. You always hear "YOLO" or "take care of yourself dont worry about anyone else". Then we wonder why we live in a lonely, cold world. If we do not open our hearts and try to love everyone and treat them the best we can, how can we expect them in return? 

It was odd being asked that, because I really do not ever put this sort of thing into words. Usually I just try to be as nice as possible and try to treat people as Jesus would have wanted. Love, kindness, and listening sure does go a long way. In some ways its second nature to me, but I do try to balance myself out so that I am not only taking care of others and wearing myself down.

I do not consider myself a super nice person or super humble either. I am capable of both, sure, but I would not say that I just am either of those two qualities. I can be selfish like anyone else, but recently some of my "project" friends have pointed out to me that I do treat people different than other people do. I did not entirely know how to take that, but as odd as it is, more than anything I pray that they take a similar mentality of paying it forward and showing the people they come into contact with love, kindness, and a listening ear. 

We are living in a world where it is more PC to take a selfish day and ignore others, than it is to take a day and check on those we love. And that, is warped.