Just Talking to be Heard

Another day, another dollar right? I'm still alive today, guess that constitutes success right?

My mind has reached the point where today I can't intake any new information. I was trying to do all the homework  could before tomorrow, because I only have today and tomorrow to do Thursday's homework. But my mind has died and no more reading can happen...so now I'm annoyed that I'll be piling up so much work to do tomorrow :/
I just hope that tonight I can rest well so I can function tomorrow.

As per Rebecca's suggestion I am trying out some chamomile tonight, I don't have any capsules but I do have organic tea. Let's see what happens.

I have been trying to think about treatment options, what should I try to do about all of this ? It's about time for me to email my Kansas doctor anyway, might as well get as much done at once as possible right . I just don't know what I could say that is beneficial, I mean I wake up tired and go to bed in panic mode. No energy is to be found anywhere. I am already taking a humongous boatload of supplements for everything imaginable. Inflammation, adrenals, vitamin C, D, detox, heavy metals, Bach remedies, my whole color wheel has been covered. Yet I can't get out of the tired but wired phase. That's what's happening right now, I can't stop and I feel like I could have an anxiety attack. No energy though, nope. None of that. No brain power either, everything I'm typing right now is due to being manic and not being able to stop what I'm doing and try to sleep. I'm sitting to write this post and not only have I stayed jittery but it's worsening. The tea is steeping, won't be long before that's in my system. I don't think I have ever prayed over tea this much before in my life, but Lord please let it stop this response I'm stuck in.

One of the manic symptoms that has come back after a week or two absence is my inpatients to hear from my friends. I can't stop being obsessive over how long it takes for them to respond and I keep checking to see if I've gotten a message back. There isn't a reason for this, it just happens out of no where...I have no control but to try to distract my mind.
It was extremely bad a few weeks ago before I went to Kansas, like more extreme than I knew possible. Even being in person with my friends that I text I still didn't feel like I was getting enough, I don't know what I even wanted.
During times like this it's like I can't pull away from a small few people, but I also want to hide from everyone in my closet until something changes. It's an unbearable feeling. Talking it out doesn't seem to help and niether do any supplements I've tried.

I decided to cut back more hours from work, I have permission to do whatever I need and I can cut entire days if I have to. I don't know if that will make any difference or not. I love working, it's my safe place. I love the people I see on a daily basis and I love the people I work with. But it depends energy, I don't have any to expend right now. I hate to cut work at all, but that's one of the few choices I can make.
With that said, maybe next week will be easier.

But right now, with the damages of school, homework, and work-I'm mentally hurting and having anxiety. I have already taken two sleeping pills and they haven't seemed to slow anything. Too tired to be productive and too wired to rest.
Music annoys me, videos and tv shows annoy me, I can't write physically because my hands shake too much then they hurt, so now all I have is talking.
I used to watch comediens or listen to some kind of music, but when I'm wired it's just not possible. My mind is way too far off to try to comprehend what's going on in the screen.

I am writing all this so one day I can look back and see how much I have improved and also for anyone that needs to see what kind of turmoil stress and Lyme disease does. I want people to understand that this is no joke when the days are bad. Ice cream and rainbows won't help this...just not that simple.

Anyway. I'm going to drink my tea and pray. Then pray again. Maybe by then I'll fall asleep.