Emotional Floods

Long Week
I love the holidays and I love getting to see everyone at Christmas, friends come home from school and I get to see some family.
Always great.
Except when Im worn out. Which happens. A lot. On top of being worn out, I have managed to have the sniffles and a sore throat all week. Which further depletes my limited energy.
When im worn out I loose all hope of enjoying whatever it was that I had planned. I get caught up in my head and I drown in my thoughts. My thoughts just spin like a whirlpool. That usually ends in my emotions getting the best of me and me spending my night with some tears on my pillow.
Tonight has been one of those nights.
Last night my best friend spent the night with me and it was SO SO nice having him back. I didnt have to sleep alone and I had someone fun around to keep my spirits up. I didnt feel so lonely even though I was terribly drained and didnt feel like doing anything but laying down. He helped me with my car, having him help was amazing. We did in a few hours what would take me at least a week to do. One stress off my plate and it was fun having an assistant.

But in the end I was an emotional mess. When it was closer for him to leave I started crying and pouring out emotions. He was there for me the best he could, part of it was that I missed him and part of it was I was disappointed that we didnt do more fun things because I felt crumby (to say it mildly). I love it when he spends the night and we stay up half the night watching movies and playing games, this visit was a bit more on the mild side and I was spacey for most of it.
After he left I walked back into the house and cried again. It was just too many emotions for my tired body.
Christmas and christmas eve were similar. Had lots of fun doing things with friends and family but at the same time I wanted to be at home in bed crying. I wanted to be enjoying the traditional games at my friends house, but I just couldn't get into it.
Then I get upset for not being able to enjoy things. I want too so bad. Its just so frustrating that I always feel like Im looking through a snow globe at the outside world. I want to jump in and join and be a part of the fun and games.
Not sit on the sidelines staring off into space.

E has been great talking to this week. He called me the evening of Christmas day and we talked for over two hours. Because I was laying in my bed, in my quiet safe place, it was easy. I didnt enjoy it like a normal person would but its okay because he has the same feelings I do. The things he enjoys, really isn't the same. Things are more...pleasant or nice...not exciting or joyful, sometimes its better to be doing an activity than twiddling our thumbs in the corner, even if we dont really feel the effects of it.
When im in my safe place like that though, I feel more at ease and its easier to get enjoyment out of things.

Im planning on going to church tomorrow, ive gotten really really bad at actually going to church anymore. Its a push to even do that. My best friend will be there, and another good friend whom I love needs a ride to church so I am picking him up beforehand , its good for me. I just wish I had the energy and stamina to enjoy it. and the brain to remember whatever the pastor speaks on.

It amazes me how one week I can be doing 85-95% normal and the next week feel like im dying. I wish some of these new supplements would kick in a little more. but the dr told me it could take 6 weeks or so...(i think. idk i can't remember)

16/17

Days 16 and 17 were better as far as my diet goes. Tomorrow is the big day, I leave town with a group of friends for a week, that's a lot of energy I don't have :/
This is one of the December activities I started my Christmas challenge for, because I knew I would feel horrible during and after the trip if I wasn't careful beforehand. After my last vacation I felt the worst I had ever felt for 2 days. Crushing almost paralyzing fatigue and hot flashes like never before.

Hopefully this will not repeat...

Today I made 2 large juices so at least I  have this in my system.

Just one of my many juices of the last week...

 

I decided something, to make things a little easier on my self on the sick days I would freeze juice. This way I wont have to use the energy of juicing and cleaning, just making a juice smoothie.

Four oranges and an ice tray later...

(I apologize for my unedited pictures)

 

 

Day Two Down!

Today was a decent day, not bad. Definite muscle fatigue. This has only further encouraged me to stick to Fell better Challenge! I really want to start feeling better. I also think the better I am before going to the Hansa Center, the better my chances of reaching remission are.

Anyway, here is the highlight of today.

 

Breakfast-A simple fruit smoothie with almond/cashew milk. I also added cocoa powder to the smoothie, great for antioxidants.

 

Lunch- Juice! Sweet potato, Brussels sprouts, zucchini, yellow squash, apples, and broccoli.

Turned out great! This wasn't one of my stronger juices, the zucchini and squash watered it down.

Finished product, I know, your jealous.

 

For dinner I also had a salad.  Just few minutes ago I had a protein shake and pre-made juice from the store, so again something healthy(could be better but...).

The one thing that does stick out to me is how little food this is, this is pretty much all I ate today. This not enough...yet I feel full. Like not a chance I can eat anything else...Why?? Lyme symptoms are so weird...

 

Today I had a reminder of how limited I am with some activities. I went to something with some friends, I was doing fine until they started playing sports...no chance of me doing that. I did try out of my own stubbornness after about an hour, I played okay. My muscles and joints though, would like to disagree. Note to self, sports are still on the not to do list...

Christmas has Begun!

Thanksgiving is now over, the Christmas season has begun! More radio stations are playing Christmas music, the neighbors are putting up their decorations, and I am starting to get excited :)

I, being chronically ill, usually feel worse in the colder winter months. Its cold, I stay inside, and overall it is just a more stressful time for me. December through March or so are the worst...This year, I want to make this change. I have plans this December, I don't want to feel nasty and depressed.
I have decided to challenge myself. Beginning today I plan on making sure I do everything I can from diet to detox to supplements, to feel better for Christmas.

In one of my previous posts I mentioned that me and food, don't get along well. Its not that I don't like eating, my stomach just doesn't like food...I eat all the time, I just don't seem to absorb it.
Juicing has always been my best food in the past, if I juice consistently I can guarantee I will feel a little better. Sometimes a lot better, sometimes just less dead. Either way, I take it :) better is sometimes the only option with this disease.

Starting today, I am going drink at least one homemade juice daily, drink a protein shake daily, and consume 3 healthy meals a day made from whole foods. I know this will make me feel better, even if its just a little bit.
I am going to post recipes and tips on how to eat healthy, even on the crappy days when I don't want to get out of bed. I want to feel good at least one day before the year is over, and by gosh I am going to make it happen!!

So here it is, the beginning of Operation feel good for Christmas.
Broccoli, sweat potato, zucchini, apple, lemon, and Brussels Sprout juice!

Yum! :)

 

This is just the beginning, I will have more to share later on!

 

I also want to challenge anyone else suffering from chronic illness. It can be anything, doesn't have to be juicing daily or a diet change. I just want to challenge others to do what it takes, just for a few weeks so they can get a short break from the extremes of our sickness. While I totally recommend a healthier diet and juicing for anyone with any ailment, its just not an option for everyone. Smoothies, soups, beans, and nuts are other great foods to ensure a better diet, just a thought for anyone who is considering the challenge and does not want to buy a juicer.