Mind Body Soul and Spirit

 How Do We treat Ourselves?

I think we often ignore that when it comes to "ourselves" or our "being" we are more than just a physical body. We have more than just our body to take care of, our life is about more than food and sleep. Are we healthy or are we sick?

The absence of disease is not the presence of health. 

Just because we are not feeling sick does not mean we are treating ourselves like we are meant to be treated. I know I have been going through this lately and have tried to ignore it. I have been talking to my mom about some of whats been going on in my world and the things that have been weighing me down. I have allowed a lot to accumulate, even though it was not on purpose and I thought I was making more progress than I was. I have been ignoring my spirit a lot, probably because it has been broken so many times in the past it is easy to push it away. People from the past still stick with me and it bothers me, its not just one person or one comment. Its a few things that haunt me, for whatever reason. I have prayed plenty on the subject but I am at the point where I need to be putting in more than just prayers, I need to find a therapist. 

We as a society look past our soul and spirit so much, we dont take care of them very well. Its easy to see why, if we dont have a safe place, we dont eat or drink-we die very quickly. Our spirits are more resilient than our body, it lasts through more abuse. But it cant last forever on abuse. I try my hardest to keep my relationship with God as it should be, but I make some mistakes that I prefer I didnt. I get angry and upset. My spirit has been damaged. I know it can be repaired, I just need to move it up my priority list.

Talking to my mom today made me really think about how much we forget to take care of ourselves, our whole being. 

Guest Post from E- It Took Everything from Me

It took everything from me

“What is happening to me?” I wondered, as I stood in the shower. 
I was cold, quite dizzy and generally didn’t feel good. After a day at work, the hot shower warmed me up nicely. 
I drove to my church, where I was scheduled to spend the evening. I didn’t feel like eating anything, so I just got some tea. As the evening progressed, I felt worse and worse, and got so cold that I was shaking and shivering....with a coat on.

Finally, I had enough and went outside to my car, turned the heater on high and cried myself to sleep. Eventually a friend came out and found me, and drove me home.
This was the first time anything like that had happened to me, and I really didn’t know what to think of it. Over the next few months, I began to get more and more tired, until the point that I am now continually exhausted, and sometimes can only collapse in bed. I have agonizing pain, and have developed an intermittent stu-stutter, along with other cognitive difficulties. Conversations in groups have become increasingly difficult, and any productive school work at times seems nearly impossible. I have started falling regularly, and I am at times unable to control my balance well.

Though I never had many friendships before, the ones I did have seemed to die as I have become unable to do the things I used to do. But none of these are as bad as the ever present, crushing depression. I wake up every day, cussing that I woke up and that it is once again time to try to get up and move. I feel like I have been hit by a freight train.

A few years after I first got sick, I was diagnosed with Master’s (essentially lyme) disease. That at least explains what has been going on. But knowing hasn’t made things easier in general. When I, in passing conversation, mention to someone that I have Lyme disease, the general response is “okay.” There’s no concern on their face, no understanding in their mind, and no care in their soul. People, in general, just don’t care. However there are a few people that care about me, and for those I am incredibly grateful; it means more to me than they know.

This disease has taken everything from me. It took all of my energy. It took my ability to even have enjoyment. It took my emotions. It took my memory and my capability to think clearly. It even took my ability to have moving prayer time or serious devotions. It took me....and left me for dead, as a skeleton of my former self. A self that my friends, family and acquaintances don’t know, a self that I don’t know; a self that almost no-one knows. It took my youthful inspiration and replaced it with a wish for the sweet release of death every single day.

Even with the impressive amount that the bacteria has been able to accomplish, it hasn’t taken God from me, or me from Him. Nothing can separate those in Christ from his love for us. And I know that, and I firmly believe that. Nothing has escaped His attention, and I know that this immense suffering is for my good. It is helping me become the man God wants me to be; it may feel most of the time like a dagger in my heart, but I know that when I get better, if I get better, I’m going to be unstoppable. I’m going to be infinitely more compassionate towards those with depression, mental and physical disabilities, the hurting, the outcast, the unwanted and the untouchables of society. I’ll have a much greater understanding of what these people go through, and perhaps be able to help them. And for that I’m thankful.

-E

I asked E to write a post about his story for me to share on my blog, and I am impressed at how well he captured what he is going through. His brain fog and focus issues are a fair bit worse than mine (or so I think), and mine are fairly severe. For him to write this much and do such a coherent and clear job at writing, im super proud. 
One of the things he asked me after we began talking was "how do you describe what lyme has done to you"
I responded back with " I feel like I was murdered, then I never left my body."
Its fairly safe to say we both feel very dark now, which I for sure never felt like before lyme. Its hard to fight the crushing depression that has come on with lyme, the lyme takes over the body and the depression on top of it helps take over the brain and its thoughts. Together the two of us have more support to encourage the other through the dark times, which are more often than either of us would like to admit to anyone else.
Im sure that this will not be the last post from my friend that you will see posted on this blog, as he progresses with his treatment and his life and symptoms change im sure Ill be able to convince him to write a little more to share!
He started zithromax today, so I have a feeling he's not going to be feeling to great over the next few days. 

It's the 4th of July and...

I feel like crap...

That's the simplest way to put it that is. It's late at night/early in the am, I'm wide awake. Last week I finished the Brain Wave Optimization, the only change I noticed is I have a little more focus and alertness during the day. Sleep is more less, unchanged. The night time depression that comes and goes is still goin....

I hadn't really had it too much until after last week. The BWO may have stirred something up. Lately I've been analyzing life, goals for the summer and the like. So far I'm not impressed with what's been going on...
I have almost finished 1 library book, I have not found a job, I don't feel any better now that I'm out of school, and my sense of accomplishment is about 0!
I thought that maybe after school was out my body would perk up, because that stress was over. Nope. No change. I felt more productive doing school.


Work-I thought it would be great to find a summer job. I would love some more work experience, because I have very little. I have searched and spoken to people, at this moment my only real option is working at a fast food restaurant...I cannot eat the food and I don't support the business...fast food is one of the few jobs I just would rather not think of as an option. I'm not a picky person, but right now I cannot find anything else. Not even Walmart. I checked. Many times.

I did find one job and sent in an application, I don't have high hopes. I went into the place and asked about the job. They weren't even sure the job was open, they would have to get back to me later this week. I gave them my number and name, with hopes, but that can't be a good sign if they don't even know if they have a job.
It's a business I would rather not support, but it is something I would at least half way enjoy(and it isn't fast food).

Anyway, to my point...

Can I tell you what Lyme disease does to self worth?? Kills it, dead. If you can't work, can't accomplish anything but read, and you can't even exercise, how do you build yourself up? I sure can't. The only thing I do is hang out with friends, when they aren't working.
Lyme disease has burnt out my brain. It's hard for me to even think about work, I can hardly do math(some days I can't at all), focus comes and goes, and energy can disapear in an instant. If I were to put anything about my personal life on a résumé they would probably send it back thinking it was a joke...
Can't do math, may not actually be able to work, may forget task at hand-doesn't scream worker of the year does it?

I know I work hard. I had to work hard to find out what was wrong with me, when no one else could. (Guess job experience doesn't teach common sense, at least to doctors) I have to work to go to sleep. Reading is a significant amount of work, just to focus on the page and actually finish the book. Being sick every day, is a job on its own. Sadly it doesn't pay and other people don't think much of the experience gained from being sick.
It all has to be personal gains, and anything I can possibly share with other people who suffer.

I know deep in my heart, if it was my time to be doing something different-I would be. God has a plan, a plan that is usually different than the agenda we create. But it's hard to watch other people make something of themselves, and my accomplishment is I just about have the tv lineup memorized....

There isn't a great deal of summer left, college starts next. More school will equal more stress, if I don't watch it I will make myself sick. Lyme+stress is a dangerous combination (I can already hear people who've experienced this agree).
I don't have a choice, I have to keep going. I have to get something accomplished. The personal victories just don't seem to mean anything to other people.

Life is funny