Hello all, I have yet another roller coaster post of the ups and downs as of late.
Today(technically yesterday the 28th) marks the 10nth anniversary of my best friends moms death from stage four breast cancer, which metastasized to her liver, and bones.
My friend invited me over for dinner tonight to be with his family, we had a nice time of remembrance and fellowship. You see, I did not know my friend during the time of his moms illness, so it was a bit shocking and different for me to be there for this time. Honored to say the least.
At the dinner table his second mom mentioned that she's been watching the celebration of life video, which I have never heard mentioned before. So when I got home this evening, I searched for it and found it. Then I searched the internet for the Obit, which I also found. In the Obit I found a link to a blog, written by my friends mom during her treatment. I never knew it existed. As of yet, no one else knows I have found it, I don't know if I was supposed to find it or not seeing as I have never been told about it. Maybe it was just old news and it never crossed my friends mind because it was ten years ago...
Ive read several pages of the blog thus far, learning tons of information I never knew. It is also very encouraging, even though I know how the blog will end... there are all kinds of positives laced in the posts. Positives that I can understand as a sick person, such as getting better results on blood tests-some of which were barely short of a miracle. One that stands out to me was upon diagnoses her blood test for tumor markers was just short of 3,000 points. after weeks of treatment it was down in the low triple digits, and did drop into normal range. Her liver went from a major issue, blood was going in the reverse direction in the main artery-to normal and functional. Completely healed with a minor side of scaring. I think all of us with a chronic illness pray for test improvements as quick and remarkable as this.
You see, over the last week or two I have been sad that I have never met this woman, so I have prayed a few times that I would get some kind of message from her. Nothing specific, this is actually unlike me...Its rather unusual to pray to God for information from someone who has passed. This blog written by his mom seems to be the answer for that, many of her posts hit home for me giving me a picture of what my friends life was like during this time period. They also shed a positive light on being sick, I mean she was told on day 1-go home and get your affairs in order you won't see Christmas. Hows that for bleak? How do you not become depressed from news such as that? You know what? She saw Christmas in good health, and then she saw it once more. Beat that depression.
I just cannot believe some of the things I have read, keep in mind these posts that I have read so far are 12 years old. Yet some things she said I feel almost like they spoke right too me. I wish I could have been there for my friend during this time, so so so badly. I can never change the fact that we weren't together then, but the writings of his mom make me feel like I was there, I feel more so like I knew her than never knowing her at all. Its not the same as being there, but just the fact that this was real, is much less foreign I guess you could say. She went through a lot and was put through a lot, but she held her faith like a rock. She lived a better quality of life than she was told, she lived much longer than she was told, and she had faith that no matter what the outcome was it would be okay. She knew there was a good chance was going to die sooner than the standard life span of a woman, but she made every bit of that time count. It wasn't wasted on feeling sad or the woe is me thoughts, thats the power of a woman who prays.
Now as I have said in the past depression has become one of my biggest enemies as of this year. I have never had to battle it significantly before. But now I battle depression, sadness, and feelings of total worthlessness daily. After my last visit to Kansas these issues have lessened, but this past week has been particularly rough. I have never stopped praying throughout this journey and I never intend too. Today was an answer to prayers, yet more proof I have no reason to stop praying.
There are many aspects about chronic illness that scare me. It is hard to believe I have been sick for almost seven years now. It is also hard to believe that I am just as afraid now as I was years ago, it seems there is almost always something around to give me a new reason to be afraid. Sometimes these reasons don't exist. Rooted in paranoia. Also a new symptom as of this year.
I often thank God for all of the wonderful people placed in my life, not everyone has this luxury. Some of these people are readers and commenters on this blog such as Rebecca Miller. She never fails to post something encouraging for me, until recently I never thought I needed that much encouragement. All of us who have been placed in a situation with chronic disease should be encouraging one another much more often than the current reality.
I would like to ask for some very specific prayer requests.
I would like for you all to pray that I can fully reconnect to reality, everything now feel dull and I feel distant even on a good day, that my depression will be banished-permanently. its hard to fight when you can't find a reason to, that my kidneys will begin to function normally, and that I will be able to eat and have an appetite like a normal teenage boy.
These are my current biggest roadblocks. I am already on a strong supplement protocol that is showing benefit but I honestly feel that these issues are more spiritual than chemical. I can't explain how, it just is what it is. I have full faith that I becoming sick was no accident and that many great things will come from it. But I do fear what my quality of life and residual damage will be like when my fight with disease is over, what will be permanently gone and what will be recovered.
In honor of my friends mom
Because of my depression, I have learned to appreciate the moments in life that are truly and timelessly special. The one of a kind, never to be repeated again moments.
Sunday, October 29, 2017
Thursday, October 5, 2017
Hansa Round 5 days 1-2
I am going to go ahead and post about my doctors visits from today and yesterday, I know I still haven't posted my 4th visit to the clinic. Ill get to it one day.
Day 1-
Day 1-
OK so on to today's visit, #1 among all things from the doctors testing and my blood work-parasites. So again, we are at it treating those with new things, so far he hasn't said if they were digestive or blood parasites. As far as their effects, they are causing issues in my whole system not just something here or there.
Something unique that muscle testing can find is "attachments" or "entities", that's what he found on me today, negative energy attached to the parasites. The remedy he made for me was to clear the negativity from my system and disconnect the connection it had on me. This surprised me, yet didn't surprise me. I have been so dark and depressed...much more than ever before. After he gave me the remedy I felt happier, for the rest of the day I was able to laugh and have fun even though I felt garbagy still.
I have never had anyone tell me this before. Something interesting, last week I visited my friend who does muscle testing, shes been helping me out some since I have not been able to see my doctor. She couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, we ended up down meaningless rabbit trails, no answers, and I was completely untestable. We tried for two hours to figure out what was up in my system, nothing. We didn't check for attachments though, and thats what the test block was.
He made a new remedy for those today, once again this is a completely new and different treatment than before. In other words we are treating a different aspect of the whole parasitic, its not necessarily anything new as far as infections go. Parasites take a while to get rid of because they are very unique, bacteria and virus are hard but in their own separate aspect. If you have a strong functioning immune system, you wont pickup a virus or bacteria, and if you do they wont be capable of sticking in your system for long.
Lyme disease is a bacteria and it is hard to get rid of because it is capable of disarming and destroying immune cells, infecting the entire body but nonetheless it can be killed.
Here's what makes parasites unique, they are a living breathing multicellular organism just like an animal. They are capable of harboring their own set of bacteria, virus, metals, just like people. Parasites have their own brain, blood system, and digestive system unlike bacteria and virus. So when a person becomes infected with parasites and takes a treatment, the parasites are killed but then they release whatever pathogens or toxins they were carrying. You can take a standard X drug for Y parasite for years, you will never be able to kill every single one of them with a drug and you will have strong side effects from the dying parasites.
In the way I am being treated, the side effects, the parasites, and the communication between my body and the parasites are being addressed.
That's another thing that makes parasites unique, they have to have a host to survive. When they infect a person or an animal, they release chemicals that stop your body from recognizing them so they can fly under the radar. So the communication aspect has to be addressed as well, you will never find a standard doctor or naturopath capable of treating this. It takes a specialized doctor like mine who can do specialized testing to see what the pathogens are doing and what will stop them, there is no set protocol for this. Its mostly homeopathic treatment to disconnect the connection of the parasites to my system, herbs and drugs will mainly just kill. The thing is, you cant just kill parasites, they become resistant and they hide. They can even incase themselves in cysts which can't be killed.
So that was the majority of todays appointment, he made one remedy to cover everything involved with the parasitic ordeal, tomorrow he will test again to see what else needs to be done. My body actually tested at saturation today, which means we covered everything possible for the day-no more. My doctor said that is a pretty big deal because that means this new treatment is powerful enough to negate everything else.
Lyme disease is a bacteria and it is hard to get rid of because it is capable of disarming and destroying immune cells, infecting the entire body but nonetheless it can be killed.
Here's what makes parasites unique, they are a living breathing multicellular organism just like an animal. They are capable of harboring their own set of bacteria, virus, metals, just like people. Parasites have their own brain, blood system, and digestive system unlike bacteria and virus. So when a person becomes infected with parasites and takes a treatment, the parasites are killed but then they release whatever pathogens or toxins they were carrying. You can take a standard X drug for Y parasite for years, you will never be able to kill every single one of them with a drug and you will have strong side effects from the dying parasites.
In the way I am being treated, the side effects, the parasites, and the communication between my body and the parasites are being addressed.
That's another thing that makes parasites unique, they have to have a host to survive. When they infect a person or an animal, they release chemicals that stop your body from recognizing them so they can fly under the radar. So the communication aspect has to be addressed as well, you will never find a standard doctor or naturopath capable of treating this. It takes a specialized doctor like mine who can do specialized testing to see what the pathogens are doing and what will stop them, there is no set protocol for this. Its mostly homeopathic treatment to disconnect the connection of the parasites to my system, herbs and drugs will mainly just kill. The thing is, you cant just kill parasites, they become resistant and they hide. They can even incase themselves in cysts which can't be killed.
So that was the majority of todays appointment, he made one remedy to cover everything involved with the parasitic ordeal, tomorrow he will test again to see what else needs to be done. My body actually tested at saturation today, which means we covered everything possible for the day-no more. My doctor said that is a pretty big deal because that means this new treatment is powerful enough to negate everything else.
He also worked on the hernia, he felt around my stomach and said that my diaphragm was swollen to the point that it was covering my stomach. In a regular hiatal hernia the stomach get stuck in the bottom of the diaphragm, so by pulling the stomach down you correct the hernia. In my case its the reverse, my diaphragm is swollen and veering my stomach. He adjusted it and did some facial release using the percussor, then he used hyssop oil on it to bring down the inflammation. Again he will check it tomorrow, but after all he did today it may finally be a done deal. He told me I need to continue using the hyssop for a while to prevent it from coming back, so that will be something I do once I get home.
As far as blood results go, this round is fairly different than before in how they've changed. For the first time vitamin D is good, cholesterol is closer to where it should be, white blood cell count is higher meaning my immune system is actually beginning to work on its own, but I did hit a new extreme on easonifils which is the parasite marker. He said its rare to see it as high as mine is, so we know for sure that we are chasing the right rabbit trail. My kidneys are showing some stress also, other than those two things I don't have a bad report.
With as bad as I have felt the past couple of months I was expecting worse for my blood scores, and the parasite markers are pretty bad. But that's it, Lyme itself is not showing up so far, that's a big positive. Neither are any other tick borne infections that I have, doesn't mean they aren't there it just means they aren't a problem right now.
Tomorrow ill find out what else we can find to correct, I'm fairly satisfied for today's visit because it was entirely new stuff as far as what's actually happening in my body and new treatment.
Day 2-
Today was another productive visit at the doctors office. We worked on parasites again, this time with focus on the side affects of the parasites themselves. He found that the parasites are disrupting my mitochondria, causing me to be tired all the time. Plus he found some tie ins to my stomach and hormones.
He found I need a dopamine, serotonin, and pregnenolone booster to counteract the side affects. Plus he added something for me to take to support my adrenals during this time. The adrenals are what make a significant portion of your hormones, plus they make energy. By supporting my adrenals in addition to treating the other issues it adds a boost to my body as a whole.
He also added a neuro anti-inflammatory supplement, because the parasite toxins are setting off my brain and nervous system. So this tied with the dopamine and serotonin, this will help with my terrible brain fog.
The pregnenolone is tied into the adrenal pathway, so that is what the purpose of this hormone.
He found I need a dopamine, serotonin, and pregnenolone booster to counteract the side affects. Plus he added something for me to take to support my adrenals during this time. The adrenals are what make a significant portion of your hormones, plus they make energy. By supporting my adrenals in addition to treating the other issues it adds a boost to my body as a whole.
He also added a neuro anti-inflammatory supplement, because the parasite toxins are setting off my brain and nervous system. So this tied with the dopamine and serotonin, this will help with my terrible brain fog.
The pregnenolone is tied into the adrenal pathway, so that is what the purpose of this hormone.
Most of this is new for me, several years ago I did a dopamine booster and it didn't help me much. This is the first time that my body has tested well for any direct neurotransmitter(brain chemical) support, in other words this is a new layer being corrected that we haven't been able to reach.
Pregnenolone is also new for me, I am interested to see how this makes me feel before long.
Pregnenolone is also new for me, I am interested to see how this makes me feel before long.
I feel pretty worn out today, my brain fog is just making everything difficult.
I see the doc again tomorrow, then I will be headed home.
When Time Stops
I am back at the clinic for part of this week and I had a realization today. I was laying on the couch in the hotel room, thinking about all the homework I needed to get done and also how alone I have been feeling.
The TV was going but I was hardly watching it, I was so tired for most of this afternoon that I have been lost in space. Whenever I get like this I tend to just flip through my phone, flipping from one page to another. Opening an app then closing it, until I decide I need to do something better with my time. I realized that time had stopped, minutes felt like hours, I wasn't talking to anyone, TV was just noise, I didn't want to read, I couldn't do anything. I was so tired and foggy I couldn't make myself do any of my normal activities.
On top of that I realized I wasn't talking to anyone because time has not stopped for my friend, they are all either in school or at work. They don"t have the time to talk to me right now, too much life in the way. I haven't heard from my best friend since 6:30am yesterday, he hasn't seen any of my messages about whats going on with me here at the clinic, School and work dictate otherwise. Its sad for me, because he's one of the very few people I feel like I actually connect with, but he isn't sick-his life cant just stop because of me. Same with the rest of my friends and family.
Add that to the list of chronic disease symptoms that others just do not understand, being alone because the disease even infects our time. Our day, Our week, Our year.
I would so much rather have been at work today, joking around with my co workers and working on a new project I have been assigned to overhead. It would be easier to do my homework at home, in my own bed or on my own couch. The hotel room is nice and plenty comfortable, but it ain't home. You cannot beat being at home when you don't feel well. All other environments feel so cold and absent when the world is crashing down around you, only the chronically ill will understand what I just said. Its just not an option right now, I cant be home and honestly I don't feel well enough to be at home. Coming to see my doctor is what I have to do right now.
Today, after a whole morning and afternoon of trying to muster the energy and motivation, I finished reading my history book for class. Next I have to write a paper on it, but lets not think about that right now.
My doctor visits have been going very well, I can see progress in my future. I do have a little bit of peace, but too much brain fog to let me hold onto it.
The TV was going but I was hardly watching it, I was so tired for most of this afternoon that I have been lost in space. Whenever I get like this I tend to just flip through my phone, flipping from one page to another. Opening an app then closing it, until I decide I need to do something better with my time. I realized that time had stopped, minutes felt like hours, I wasn't talking to anyone, TV was just noise, I didn't want to read, I couldn't do anything. I was so tired and foggy I couldn't make myself do any of my normal activities.
On top of that I realized I wasn't talking to anyone because time has not stopped for my friend, they are all either in school or at work. They don"t have the time to talk to me right now, too much life in the way. I haven't heard from my best friend since 6:30am yesterday, he hasn't seen any of my messages about whats going on with me here at the clinic, School and work dictate otherwise. Its sad for me, because he's one of the very few people I feel like I actually connect with, but he isn't sick-his life cant just stop because of me. Same with the rest of my friends and family.
Add that to the list of chronic disease symptoms that others just do not understand, being alone because the disease even infects our time. Our day, Our week, Our year.
I would so much rather have been at work today, joking around with my co workers and working on a new project I have been assigned to overhead. It would be easier to do my homework at home, in my own bed or on my own couch. The hotel room is nice and plenty comfortable, but it ain't home. You cannot beat being at home when you don't feel well. All other environments feel so cold and absent when the world is crashing down around you, only the chronically ill will understand what I just said. Its just not an option right now, I cant be home and honestly I don't feel well enough to be at home. Coming to see my doctor is what I have to do right now.
Today, after a whole morning and afternoon of trying to muster the energy and motivation, I finished reading my history book for class. Next I have to write a paper on it, but lets not think about that right now.
My doctor visits have been going very well, I can see progress in my future. I do have a little bit of peace, but too much brain fog to let me hold onto it.
Thursday, September 21, 2017
Next Round of Fighting
Lots of things have happened since my last post. First, my memory has been all over the place, for one September is almost over...my last post was August 30...and I thought that was last Sunday or maybe the weekend before. In reality it was actually three weeks ago.
Second, my stomach has been severely messed up. Last Tuesday I went into work to do some things, I was very sick and unwell that day, I spoke to another co worker there. She said You have a hell of a hernia thats what you have!
I hadn't been able to eat anything significant in several days and couldn't even drink water much, I was down to 129lbs which I haven't seen and haven't wanted to see in a long time.
So I saw my chiropractor that day and she put her hand on my stomach..she said oh my goodness, this must be one of the smallest stomachs I have ever felt. After that she said, without even pressing down I feel the artery pulsing, this is serious you need to start eating again and gain some weight back. She wasn't wrong either, I feel sickly thin...like a starvation malnourished thin.
Sure enough though, hiatal hernia. She adjusted it and man did that hurt! I saw my friend later that day, she's trained in some kinesiology. So she could do some muscle testing to see what else she could find with this whole abdominal situation. She did some things on my illeoceacal and houston valve. Plus she did something for my whole emotional ordeal, color balancing I believe its called.
During the color balancing she found that I was grieving over school, so we dug deeper to see the specifics. Long story short, I was grieving over having enough money to pay for school soon. But heres the catch, my school is cheap and its not bugging me...so I asked my friend, could this be for someone else? She said yes. Then I knew, it was about my best friend. I do not want him to go off to school this coming school year next year....if he saves enough pennies and gets the money he's going to school a thousand miles from me...I don't want that. Not one darn bit. He is the one person in my life that is health and he gets it. A healthy person who understands what I'm going through? Holy crap thats rare. He understands how important it is for me to talk about some of these issues that come up with me and he does the best he can to be there for me. He did that when I was healthy a few months ago too, we just have that sort of connection you could say.
I know I've lost my mind and my body for now...badly...but I can't imagine him being gone from me or wanting to be gone like that, ya know? I just don't get how he would want to go so far away when he doesn't have a need for it...but school is one of those things I just don't get like the normal people do...being sick, I just show up and do the work then leave..dont get me wrong, I have good grades and do well in school. But I have no excess energy to spend on it.
Anyway, back to my kinesiology friend. We finished out that day cleaning out my emotions, I went home feeling a bit lighter and able to eat. I had some progress for the first time since I last visited kansas. It didn't stick though. The next day, I was able to eat better than previous but not well. Emotions hadn't come back full blown but they were sliding.
That thursday my chiropractor told me to come for a visit(yep, she texted me and said to come see her. She's just that cool). She rechecked my stomach, out again. She adjusted it, this time much less painful and I could feel it release. My eating improved for several days after this.
She also checked me on her little oil biofeedback device, it gives out a reading on essential oils that will be beneficial for my body. Several relaxation oils plus a few for digestion were my results. Since then I've been keeping up with using my oils, seems to be slightly relaxing if anything. I smell good too, like a whole flower shop exploded.
This week I've seen my chiropractor again, for my stomach to be adjusted. I saw my friend yesterday and she did some more digging on me. Some kind of school stress related to me came up, we couldn't figure out anything deeper than that though. We cleared it, that was the only emotional situation for me this time, very much improved after the visit. I also started my supplements back, last week when I couldn't eat or drink i quite everything except for a few important things.
The week before last my ND here told me it could be h.pylori, so I started Mastic Gum. That has helped my stomach upset and it was effective quickly, still taking for now. I don't think I have h.pylori...I think its all been the hernia. Either way I'm taking mastic gum and a natural antibiotic called biocidin to clear any candida or other nasties from my digestion. Plus a super strong probiotic.
All of this, catches y'all up until today.
Today I spoke to a lyme friend I haven't seen in a long while. She's starting with a new llmd that is super well liked and way up in the food chain. After telling her about all my psych symptoms that I cared to share plus my physical, she said I think you've got a bartonella infection brewing that needs addressing.
She did a quick muscle test on me and told me yes its bart, however no babesia this time. I figure if anything it'll be worth talking to my kansas doctor about when I see him.
Im going back the week after next for a short visit, by that I mean an emergency visit for him to work on me.
Speaking to my friend was great, it was nice to talk to someone whose as well lyme educated as I am. Except she's not so much in brain fog as I am right now, so it was much easier for her to take a shot as to what could be causing my new found symptoms. When she said bartonella, i remembered back when i took houtynnia several years ago and had a brain herx, which gave me a severe brain herx.
Since then, sometime last year, I had my KS dr. check me for bart, to which i was negative. But i wasn't having these symptoms then...so, maybe we've reached a new layer of junk in my system to remove.
I don't currently feel toxic, I feel like it is more pathogenic...I do the ionic foot bath and some other stuff...I should be pulling out a significant amount of toxins. Idk how its even possible that I still have toxins in me at this point, but whatever.
Ill keep on working.
Second, my stomach has been severely messed up. Last Tuesday I went into work to do some things, I was very sick and unwell that day, I spoke to another co worker there. She said You have a hell of a hernia thats what you have!
I hadn't been able to eat anything significant in several days and couldn't even drink water much, I was down to 129lbs which I haven't seen and haven't wanted to see in a long time.
So I saw my chiropractor that day and she put her hand on my stomach..she said oh my goodness, this must be one of the smallest stomachs I have ever felt. After that she said, without even pressing down I feel the artery pulsing, this is serious you need to start eating again and gain some weight back. She wasn't wrong either, I feel sickly thin...like a starvation malnourished thin.
Sure enough though, hiatal hernia. She adjusted it and man did that hurt! I saw my friend later that day, she's trained in some kinesiology. So she could do some muscle testing to see what else she could find with this whole abdominal situation. She did some things on my illeoceacal and houston valve. Plus she did something for my whole emotional ordeal, color balancing I believe its called.
During the color balancing she found that I was grieving over school, so we dug deeper to see the specifics. Long story short, I was grieving over having enough money to pay for school soon. But heres the catch, my school is cheap and its not bugging me...so I asked my friend, could this be for someone else? She said yes. Then I knew, it was about my best friend. I do not want him to go off to school this coming school year next year....if he saves enough pennies and gets the money he's going to school a thousand miles from me...I don't want that. Not one darn bit. He is the one person in my life that is health and he gets it. A healthy person who understands what I'm going through? Holy crap thats rare. He understands how important it is for me to talk about some of these issues that come up with me and he does the best he can to be there for me. He did that when I was healthy a few months ago too, we just have that sort of connection you could say.
I know I've lost my mind and my body for now...badly...but I can't imagine him being gone from me or wanting to be gone like that, ya know? I just don't get how he would want to go so far away when he doesn't have a need for it...but school is one of those things I just don't get like the normal people do...being sick, I just show up and do the work then leave..dont get me wrong, I have good grades and do well in school. But I have no excess energy to spend on it.
Anyway, back to my kinesiology friend. We finished out that day cleaning out my emotions, I went home feeling a bit lighter and able to eat. I had some progress for the first time since I last visited kansas. It didn't stick though. The next day, I was able to eat better than previous but not well. Emotions hadn't come back full blown but they were sliding.
That thursday my chiropractor told me to come for a visit(yep, she texted me and said to come see her. She's just that cool). She rechecked my stomach, out again. She adjusted it, this time much less painful and I could feel it release. My eating improved for several days after this.
She also checked me on her little oil biofeedback device, it gives out a reading on essential oils that will be beneficial for my body. Several relaxation oils plus a few for digestion were my results. Since then I've been keeping up with using my oils, seems to be slightly relaxing if anything. I smell good too, like a whole flower shop exploded.
This week I've seen my chiropractor again, for my stomach to be adjusted. I saw my friend yesterday and she did some more digging on me. Some kind of school stress related to me came up, we couldn't figure out anything deeper than that though. We cleared it, that was the only emotional situation for me this time, very much improved after the visit. I also started my supplements back, last week when I couldn't eat or drink i quite everything except for a few important things.
The week before last my ND here told me it could be h.pylori, so I started Mastic Gum. That has helped my stomach upset and it was effective quickly, still taking for now. I don't think I have h.pylori...I think its all been the hernia. Either way I'm taking mastic gum and a natural antibiotic called biocidin to clear any candida or other nasties from my digestion. Plus a super strong probiotic.
All of this, catches y'all up until today.
Today I spoke to a lyme friend I haven't seen in a long while. She's starting with a new llmd that is super well liked and way up in the food chain. After telling her about all my psych symptoms that I cared to share plus my physical, she said I think you've got a bartonella infection brewing that needs addressing.
She did a quick muscle test on me and told me yes its bart, however no babesia this time. I figure if anything it'll be worth talking to my kansas doctor about when I see him.
Im going back the week after next for a short visit, by that I mean an emergency visit for him to work on me.
Speaking to my friend was great, it was nice to talk to someone whose as well lyme educated as I am. Except she's not so much in brain fog as I am right now, so it was much easier for her to take a shot as to what could be causing my new found symptoms. When she said bartonella, i remembered back when i took houtynnia several years ago and had a brain herx, which gave me a severe brain herx.
Since then, sometime last year, I had my KS dr. check me for bart, to which i was negative. But i wasn't having these symptoms then...so, maybe we've reached a new layer of junk in my system to remove.
I don't currently feel toxic, I feel like it is more pathogenic...I do the ionic foot bath and some other stuff...I should be pulling out a significant amount of toxins. Idk how its even possible that I still have toxins in me at this point, but whatever.
Ill keep on working.
Wednesday, August 30, 2017
Some Headway
Sorry I'm not keeping you guys in the loop with all that's going on, writing and talking to you guys is one of my favorite things to do. I just keep running out of brain power. Good things have happened.
Tonight is the first time in about a week or two since I have had a full on manic attack, tonight's isn't bad. Today wasn't a fantastic day for whatever reason, I'm blaming the weather and having to wake up at 6:30am.
I have started a new supplement called acetyl CH active by apex, it's the precursors for acetylcholine-one of the brains primary energy chemicals. So I have been having more stability in the day time and more endurance compared to what it's been the last few months. It's not fantastic but if it will give me anything more, I'll take it.
Last Friday I woke up sick with a sinus bug. I went to the clinic I work at and used the ionic footbath, lasers on my kidneys, and I used the biodback device. According to the biofeedback I had Stress to food poisoning, Lyme. Rmsf, infectious mono, and about a dozen parasites, plus mycoplasma. The mycoplasma would be the sinus bug. But everything else, normal for me but looks like I was in a full flair up. So I zapped all the pathogens.
I'll be darned if that didn't help everything this time. I started feeling better a few hours later and all my other stuff started to clear.
Before my last Kansas visit I used all of the above except the footbath on a frequent basis. They always did help out with symptom failed, sometimes significantly. But when I started getting bad all the therapies made everything worse so I stopped. I decided Friday it had been long enough without and it was safe to give it a try. Today has probably been the worst day since, still sniffling but not sick. Today has been fatigue and brain fog, now that it's late and I'm really worn out I'm starting to freak out again....
I've made an appointment to see the doctor I work for next week, he's gonna go through everything I'm taking and see what supports I may need to try out.
Another thing I did, I stopped taking my fish oil Friday. In the past I have had reactions to fish oil causing mental symptoms, that was long long before I had any mental symptoms. I was told I either had rancid fish oil which apparently common or I was allergic. Last year I found one I did like and I've been on it since then. I dont think it's been causing me issues but just in case...I'm taking a break from it.
The paranoia is down finally, I still have thoughts but not attacks. I still cross my fingers for no reason, this gets way worse when I am stressed or something is happening. My fingers will cross very tightly.
Sleep is somewhat better, not consistently better but I'm better for now.
I did come home from school the other day and take a nap. During this nap I had a dream, well nightmare, I was having a panic/mania attack. Total freak out mode, doing exactly what I do when I'm awake during an episode...I finally woke up and I just out of it. It took me a bit to gather myself and realize this time, it wasn't real. But it looked and felt real, very real.
Daily I still go up and down. I have moment of stress but not anxiety, these moments last seconds instead of minutes and hours, heck it's lasted days and weeks before.
One thing I've been trying to get back into doing is researching, I used to do a great job at snooping out the cause of my symptoms. I already know I have parasites and they have been putting the biggest load on my body. Well I did some searching, according to dr.Hulda Clark the strongyloides parasite is associated with manic depression. Which, is one of the parasites the biofeedback machine said I was showing a stress too.
I'll be doing more work this Friday using the machine to zap parasites and whatever else shows up.
After I talk to my doctor here I'm going to speak to my doctor in Kansas, I figure between those two doctors I should have some kind of big picture here.
Everything has gotten more tolerable for now. I attribute this to what I did last Friday, the stress patches I started a few weeks ago, and I've been doing coffee enemas per my dr recommendations.
I'm not getting great results with the enemas, I had higher hopes, but I could just be that toxic right now.
I also stated another patch this weekend called healing xl, it's a herbal boost all help all. So I am using the stress patch, memory patch, and healing xl. I had been using a glutathione patch but it hadn't been doing anything noticeable so I'm gonna break from that for a bit.
The tremors which were seriously bad just a couple weeks ago seemed to have gone away overnight, about a week and a half ago. My hands at one point looked liked they were vibrating, I would hide them at work so no one would notice.
My vision today though for some reason has been very poor. It had been doing fairly well.
I really need to see an eye doctor one day. I just don't have the time or energy for another doctor to tell me another body part is screwed up.
Okay I can't write anymore....I'm hoping I can sleep tonight so tomorrow is better...tomorrow is a 7:00am start day. My panic attack or manic attack, idk what it is, that I've been trying to stave off tonight hasn't changed much...I was hoping writing everything out would help knock it down
Tonight is the first time in about a week or two since I have had a full on manic attack, tonight's isn't bad. Today wasn't a fantastic day for whatever reason, I'm blaming the weather and having to wake up at 6:30am.
I have started a new supplement called acetyl CH active by apex, it's the precursors for acetylcholine-one of the brains primary energy chemicals. So I have been having more stability in the day time and more endurance compared to what it's been the last few months. It's not fantastic but if it will give me anything more, I'll take it.
Last Friday I woke up sick with a sinus bug. I went to the clinic I work at and used the ionic footbath, lasers on my kidneys, and I used the biodback device. According to the biofeedback I had Stress to food poisoning, Lyme. Rmsf, infectious mono, and about a dozen parasites, plus mycoplasma. The mycoplasma would be the sinus bug. But everything else, normal for me but looks like I was in a full flair up. So I zapped all the pathogens.
I'll be darned if that didn't help everything this time. I started feeling better a few hours later and all my other stuff started to clear.
Before my last Kansas visit I used all of the above except the footbath on a frequent basis. They always did help out with symptom failed, sometimes significantly. But when I started getting bad all the therapies made everything worse so I stopped. I decided Friday it had been long enough without and it was safe to give it a try. Today has probably been the worst day since, still sniffling but not sick. Today has been fatigue and brain fog, now that it's late and I'm really worn out I'm starting to freak out again....
I've made an appointment to see the doctor I work for next week, he's gonna go through everything I'm taking and see what supports I may need to try out.
Another thing I did, I stopped taking my fish oil Friday. In the past I have had reactions to fish oil causing mental symptoms, that was long long before I had any mental symptoms. I was told I either had rancid fish oil which apparently common or I was allergic. Last year I found one I did like and I've been on it since then. I dont think it's been causing me issues but just in case...I'm taking a break from it.
The paranoia is down finally, I still have thoughts but not attacks. I still cross my fingers for no reason, this gets way worse when I am stressed or something is happening. My fingers will cross very tightly.
Sleep is somewhat better, not consistently better but I'm better for now.
I did come home from school the other day and take a nap. During this nap I had a dream, well nightmare, I was having a panic/mania attack. Total freak out mode, doing exactly what I do when I'm awake during an episode...I finally woke up and I just out of it. It took me a bit to gather myself and realize this time, it wasn't real. But it looked and felt real, very real.
Daily I still go up and down. I have moment of stress but not anxiety, these moments last seconds instead of minutes and hours, heck it's lasted days and weeks before.
One thing I've been trying to get back into doing is researching, I used to do a great job at snooping out the cause of my symptoms. I already know I have parasites and they have been putting the biggest load on my body. Well I did some searching, according to dr.Hulda Clark the strongyloides parasite is associated with manic depression. Which, is one of the parasites the biofeedback machine said I was showing a stress too.
I'll be doing more work this Friday using the machine to zap parasites and whatever else shows up.
After I talk to my doctor here I'm going to speak to my doctor in Kansas, I figure between those two doctors I should have some kind of big picture here.
Everything has gotten more tolerable for now. I attribute this to what I did last Friday, the stress patches I started a few weeks ago, and I've been doing coffee enemas per my dr recommendations.
I'm not getting great results with the enemas, I had higher hopes, but I could just be that toxic right now.
I also stated another patch this weekend called healing xl, it's a herbal boost all help all. So I am using the stress patch, memory patch, and healing xl. I had been using a glutathione patch but it hadn't been doing anything noticeable so I'm gonna break from that for a bit.
The tremors which were seriously bad just a couple weeks ago seemed to have gone away overnight, about a week and a half ago. My hands at one point looked liked they were vibrating, I would hide them at work so no one would notice.
My vision today though for some reason has been very poor. It had been doing fairly well.
I really need to see an eye doctor one day. I just don't have the time or energy for another doctor to tell me another body part is screwed up.
Okay I can't write anymore....I'm hoping I can sleep tonight so tomorrow is better...tomorrow is a 7:00am start day. My panic attack or manic attack, idk what it is, that I've been trying to stave off tonight hasn't changed much...I was hoping writing everything out would help knock it down
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
Just Talking to be Heard
Another day, another dollar right? I'm still alive today, guess that constitutes success right?
My mind has reached the point where today I can't intake any new information. I was trying to do all the homework could before tomorrow, because I only have today and tomorrow to do Thursday's homework. But my mind has died and no more reading can happen...so now I'm annoyed that I'll be piling up so much work to do tomorrow :/
I just hope that tonight I can rest well so I can function tomorrow.
As per Rebecca's suggestion I am trying out some chamomile tonight, I don't have any capsules but I do have organic tea. Let's see what happens.
I have been trying to think about treatment options, what should I try to do about all of this ? It's about time for me to email my Kansas doctor anyway, might as well get as much done at once as possible right . I just don't know what I could say that is beneficial, I mean I wake up tired and go to bed in panic mode. No energy is to be found anywhere. I am already taking a humongous boatload of supplements for everything imaginable. Inflammation, adrenals, vitamin C, D, detox, heavy metals, Bach remedies, my whole color wheel has been covered. Yet I can't get out of the tired but wired phase. That's what's happening right now, I can't stop and I feel like I could have an anxiety attack. No energy though, nope. None of that. No brain power either, everything I'm typing right now is due to being manic and not being able to stop what I'm doing and try to sleep. I'm sitting to write this post and not only have I stayed jittery but it's worsening. The tea is steeping, won't be long before that's in my system. I don't think I have ever prayed over tea this much before in my life, but Lord please let it stop this response I'm stuck in.
One of the manic symptoms that has come back after a week or two absence is my inpatients to hear from my friends. I can't stop being obsessive over how long it takes for them to respond and I keep checking to see if I've gotten a message back. There isn't a reason for this, it just happens out of no where...I have no control but to try to distract my mind.
It was extremely bad a few weeks ago before I went to Kansas, like more extreme than I knew possible. Even being in person with my friends that I text I still didn't feel like I was getting enough, I don't know what I even wanted.
During times like this it's like I can't pull away from a small few people, but I also want to hide from everyone in my closet until something changes. It's an unbearable feeling. Talking it out doesn't seem to help and niether do any supplements I've tried.
I decided to cut back more hours from work, I have permission to do whatever I need and I can cut entire days if I have to. I don't know if that will make any difference or not. I love working, it's my safe place. I love the people I see on a daily basis and I love the people I work with. But it depends energy, I don't have any to expend right now. I hate to cut work at all, but that's one of the few choices I can make.
With that said, maybe next week will be easier.
But right now, with the damages of school, homework, and work-I'm mentally hurting and having anxiety. I have already taken two sleeping pills and they haven't seemed to slow anything. Too tired to be productive and too wired to rest.
Music annoys me, videos and tv shows annoy me, I can't write physically because my hands shake too much then they hurt, so now all I have is talking.
I used to watch comediens or listen to some kind of music, but when I'm wired it's just not possible. My mind is way too far off to try to comprehend what's going on in the screen.
I am writing all this so one day I can look back and see how much I have improved and also for anyone that needs to see what kind of turmoil stress and Lyme disease does. I want people to understand that this is no joke when the days are bad. Ice cream and rainbows won't help this...just not that simple.
Anyway. I'm going to drink my tea and pray. Then pray again. Maybe by then I'll fall asleep.
My mind has reached the point where today I can't intake any new information. I was trying to do all the homework could before tomorrow, because I only have today and tomorrow to do Thursday's homework. But my mind has died and no more reading can happen...so now I'm annoyed that I'll be piling up so much work to do tomorrow :/
I just hope that tonight I can rest well so I can function tomorrow.
As per Rebecca's suggestion I am trying out some chamomile tonight, I don't have any capsules but I do have organic tea. Let's see what happens.
I have been trying to think about treatment options, what should I try to do about all of this ? It's about time for me to email my Kansas doctor anyway, might as well get as much done at once as possible right . I just don't know what I could say that is beneficial, I mean I wake up tired and go to bed in panic mode. No energy is to be found anywhere. I am already taking a humongous boatload of supplements for everything imaginable. Inflammation, adrenals, vitamin C, D, detox, heavy metals, Bach remedies, my whole color wheel has been covered. Yet I can't get out of the tired but wired phase. That's what's happening right now, I can't stop and I feel like I could have an anxiety attack. No energy though, nope. None of that. No brain power either, everything I'm typing right now is due to being manic and not being able to stop what I'm doing and try to sleep. I'm sitting to write this post and not only have I stayed jittery but it's worsening. The tea is steeping, won't be long before that's in my system. I don't think I have ever prayed over tea this much before in my life, but Lord please let it stop this response I'm stuck in.
One of the manic symptoms that has come back after a week or two absence is my inpatients to hear from my friends. I can't stop being obsessive over how long it takes for them to respond and I keep checking to see if I've gotten a message back. There isn't a reason for this, it just happens out of no where...I have no control but to try to distract my mind.
It was extremely bad a few weeks ago before I went to Kansas, like more extreme than I knew possible. Even being in person with my friends that I text I still didn't feel like I was getting enough, I don't know what I even wanted.
During times like this it's like I can't pull away from a small few people, but I also want to hide from everyone in my closet until something changes. It's an unbearable feeling. Talking it out doesn't seem to help and niether do any supplements I've tried.
I decided to cut back more hours from work, I have permission to do whatever I need and I can cut entire days if I have to. I don't know if that will make any difference or not. I love working, it's my safe place. I love the people I see on a daily basis and I love the people I work with. But it depends energy, I don't have any to expend right now. I hate to cut work at all, but that's one of the few choices I can make.
With that said, maybe next week will be easier.
But right now, with the damages of school, homework, and work-I'm mentally hurting and having anxiety. I have already taken two sleeping pills and they haven't seemed to slow anything. Too tired to be productive and too wired to rest.
Music annoys me, videos and tv shows annoy me, I can't write physically because my hands shake too much then they hurt, so now all I have is talking.
I used to watch comediens or listen to some kind of music, but when I'm wired it's just not possible. My mind is way too far off to try to comprehend what's going on in the screen.
I am writing all this so one day I can look back and see how much I have improved and also for anyone that needs to see what kind of turmoil stress and Lyme disease does. I want people to understand that this is no joke when the days are bad. Ice cream and rainbows won't help this...just not that simple.
Anyway. I'm going to drink my tea and pray. Then pray again. Maybe by then I'll fall asleep.
Monday, August 14, 2017
A Night With My New Brain
Yesterday I posted two fairly long posts of what's been going on in me and with me even then I still forgot some things that have happened. So much has gone on I don't think I even totally realize what is happening.
Yesterday was an alright day, it was long. I woke up tired, but I made it through the day still being my usual productive self. I was finally able to post last night which made me happy. Then after the lights went off, I thought I was drawing closer to sleep. Instead of sleeping though, things happened, I sat things because I don't know what to call what it is.
Here's how it went...
I had my phone playing a tv show that I like, just off in the background for the noise. Every so often I was texting back and forth with a friend. Then thoughts of fear came to my mind, all I could envision was my best friend dying or being killed, which terrified me. It hurt so much to think about because like I said, we are very close and I don't want to lose my friend. Next up that thought passed and instead I started to feel pain, not usual pain. Mental pain, I don't even know how to describe it. It felt almost like I was being beaten mentally. Torn apart. No specific thoughts or feelings, just pain. I gnashed my teeth and clenched my fists, I was twisting in different directions wearing out all of my muscles. All I could feel was pain, I don't even know why...
It didn't last very long, maybe two or three minutes. I spoke to the friend I was talking to, she said it could possibly be an anxiety attack of sorts. She personally struggles with anxiety and has had many types of attacks, some similar as to what I describe. Maybe she's right.
I have had a few anxiety/panic attacks over the last couple months. One at work lasted for an hour, got and a half maybe. It was hard working in an environment around other people with my heart pounding, brain racing, and hands shaking. I had a song come to mind, so I stuck with it and tried my best to just keep it playing through my mind. Using this focus did help take the edge off. But it took a long hour before I could start pulling back down from that event..
Anxiety attacks have happened several times, but not the traditional heart pounding mind rushing deal. I don't think my body could muster the energy to do all of that. But I have had times where I just can't get my mind off a subject and I get trapped in a loop of paranoia. Without the patches, this was happening 98% of the day every day of every week.
I asked my best friend what his opinion was on what was happening to me right now, I wanted to know what was going through his healthy person mind. He said "I can't believe, that you never get any break from this."
Him telling me this, hit me. He could see it, he knew what was really happening to me...this manic feeling that I can't escape, he saw it.
Him and I are extremely close, but here's the shocker. We haven't even known eachother a year yet, we just clicked from the start. I was doing well when he first met me. I knew him a couple months before I told him I had to go to clinic in Kansas to be treated for my disease. I didn't have to tell him, I was doing alright, the subject didn't come up until I was packing my suitcase. Now I wish him and I both, could get a few days break from this torture.
Right now, writing this post the manic feeling is coming back. I want to run, I want to get out of my bed, walk out the front floor and take off full speed across the front yard then down the street. It hurts to sit still and it hurts to keep thinking so much. If I could run I would be distracted, my burning muscles would over shadow my mind and my other symptoms. I can't run though, nope not a chance. I would be in so much pain and crushing fatigue, every symptom would intensify.
So for now, I'm just gonna write this blog post. I'm trying to keep my mind focused on something besides my body. I wouldn't say it's working, but it's better than staring at the wall.
Today was a very long day. I received my new package of stress patches, I have one on now. I think tomorrow will be a better day, I can feel that it is in my system now.
But today...started at 6:45 am for me. 4 hours of not so great sleep, then I had to get up for school. From school I went directly to work, I worked 8:30-6:00 almost non stop. I get home and back in the bed I go, I almost doze for about 20 minutes then get up to eat, some homework and chores later, now I'm here writing this post.
My body is so tired it's painful: I don't want to stop typing though, I feel like I'll forget something or that I will feel worse by loosing my distraction....
I must try to sleep...it's been a long day...
Yesterday was an alright day, it was long. I woke up tired, but I made it through the day still being my usual productive self. I was finally able to post last night which made me happy. Then after the lights went off, I thought I was drawing closer to sleep. Instead of sleeping though, things happened, I sat things because I don't know what to call what it is.
Here's how it went...
I had my phone playing a tv show that I like, just off in the background for the noise. Every so often I was texting back and forth with a friend. Then thoughts of fear came to my mind, all I could envision was my best friend dying or being killed, which terrified me. It hurt so much to think about because like I said, we are very close and I don't want to lose my friend. Next up that thought passed and instead I started to feel pain, not usual pain. Mental pain, I don't even know how to describe it. It felt almost like I was being beaten mentally. Torn apart. No specific thoughts or feelings, just pain. I gnashed my teeth and clenched my fists, I was twisting in different directions wearing out all of my muscles. All I could feel was pain, I don't even know why...
It didn't last very long, maybe two or three minutes. I spoke to the friend I was talking to, she said it could possibly be an anxiety attack of sorts. She personally struggles with anxiety and has had many types of attacks, some similar as to what I describe. Maybe she's right.
I have had a few anxiety/panic attacks over the last couple months. One at work lasted for an hour, got and a half maybe. It was hard working in an environment around other people with my heart pounding, brain racing, and hands shaking. I had a song come to mind, so I stuck with it and tried my best to just keep it playing through my mind. Using this focus did help take the edge off. But it took a long hour before I could start pulling back down from that event..
Anxiety attacks have happened several times, but not the traditional heart pounding mind rushing deal. I don't think my body could muster the energy to do all of that. But I have had times where I just can't get my mind off a subject and I get trapped in a loop of paranoia. Without the patches, this was happening 98% of the day every day of every week.
I asked my best friend what his opinion was on what was happening to me right now, I wanted to know what was going through his healthy person mind. He said "I can't believe, that you never get any break from this."
Him telling me this, hit me. He could see it, he knew what was really happening to me...this manic feeling that I can't escape, he saw it.
Him and I are extremely close, but here's the shocker. We haven't even known eachother a year yet, we just clicked from the start. I was doing well when he first met me. I knew him a couple months before I told him I had to go to clinic in Kansas to be treated for my disease. I didn't have to tell him, I was doing alright, the subject didn't come up until I was packing my suitcase. Now I wish him and I both, could get a few days break from this torture.
Right now, writing this post the manic feeling is coming back. I want to run, I want to get out of my bed, walk out the front floor and take off full speed across the front yard then down the street. It hurts to sit still and it hurts to keep thinking so much. If I could run I would be distracted, my burning muscles would over shadow my mind and my other symptoms. I can't run though, nope not a chance. I would be in so much pain and crushing fatigue, every symptom would intensify.
So for now, I'm just gonna write this blog post. I'm trying to keep my mind focused on something besides my body. I wouldn't say it's working, but it's better than staring at the wall.
Today was a very long day. I received my new package of stress patches, I have one on now. I think tomorrow will be a better day, I can feel that it is in my system now.
But today...started at 6:45 am for me. 4 hours of not so great sleep, then I had to get up for school. From school I went directly to work, I worked 8:30-6:00 almost non stop. I get home and back in the bed I go, I almost doze for about 20 minutes then get up to eat, some homework and chores later, now I'm here writing this post.
My body is so tired it's painful: I don't want to stop typing though, I feel like I'll forget something or that I will feel worse by loosing my distraction....
I must try to sleep...it's been a long day...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)