Hurting and Holding

Sorry guys I am posting less and less..I'm just not doing well right now.

I have been going through a crazy amount of stress recently, y'all wouldn't believe it if I told you. I was in a car accident, not bad at all just a minor fender bender. But, it certainly added to all the stress I just can't seek to shake. I keep trying to find new ways to distract myself and recover...sometimes I'm just trying to save myself-from myself. I'm not going to lie, I've been hurting a lot as of late. Emotionally  I have discovered a low point I thought I was long, long past... new things have come up to set me off. People have hurt me, and I just can't find a recovery point. I still don't feel like I have entirely recovered from my last visit to Kansas. Before this last visit to the clinic I was holding fairly steady, not perfect by any stretch but I was capable of being complacent. I can't find my complacency anymore, it's gone.

I have come back around to being worn out all the time. I thought I had past that in my progress. I had been doing so well. All too often I just stay stuck between never wanting to leave my bed or trying to find the quickest exit to the outside world. My emotions are so screwed up right now, it can hurt to talk to other people because I don't know how to take some things. I panic over what people say and talk about. My brain is to scrambled for conversation, I spend more time staring off into space when I'm around others. I don't talk like I used to. I feel my personality slipping away, and I'm scared.

I have a couple friends I've been talking to who have been great, sometimes I just vent even when I have no idea what I'm thinking or saying. I just miss the progress I had made, I'm sure it will come back and it's not lost. I can't undue the stress however...

I'll be back in Kansas soon, I hope that my doctor will have some insight for me.