October Update 2018

Updates 10-15-18

Hey you guys, I know im staying rather quiet these days but I promise its because im staying busy and feeling well enough to stay busy!
It has been a long while since Ive given an actual update as to how I am doing. Ive written several (ok maybe dozens) of emotional posts about this and that and how my emotions seem to successfully screw things up. But those posts are a bit misleading as to how I am doing overall. Yes, emotions of mine do get in the way a lot. Yes I believe they stem from something with some chronic illness of mine, possibly lyme or possibly due to a strep infection. But no, I do actually live. I work 20-25 hours a week, I go to school full time, I have some hobbies that take up a fair bit of time and energy (this blog being one) and I have a social life. I try my absolute best to never find myself bored, I find that if I get bored ill just spiral into depression (even if just for a matter of hours). Depression is one of the most horrible things out there in my opinion, if going out with some friends, reading, working on my car, working, or even-dare I say it-homework...keep me far away from feeling depressed than so be it!

Symptoms as of 10-15-18
Insomnia-this one is pretty bad. On a 0-10 scale, 10 being worst, Im a 6 on a fantastic night, 9 on a horrible night, and about 8 on an average night. Sleep typically lasts from 3:00am-8:00am. Sometimes more and sometimes less. Usually said sleep is rather broken and contains periods of waking up or just dozing.
Pain-not so bad, but its there. If I stretch my pain, especially in my back, will improve.But sometimes i just hurt.
Dizziness-2 on a 0-10, Ive had very few days where dizziness has been an issue. Sometimes its nonexistent for days or weeks.
Brain fog-4 on a 0-10. Its still there on the daily but im doing well in school, so it can't be that bad.
Emotions-A good day they're about a 4. A bad day they can reach a full 10 which includes (but not limited to) crying, arguing in my mind, bits of anger, segregating myself from human kind, and complete inability to be productive.
Cough-I have developed this cough due to a cyst on my thyroid. Some days its not bad but other days my throat is sore and I cough hard for several minutes at a time. More on this at a later date.
Exercise-Still very hard. I feel like im left for dead if I ever do any exercise of substance even for a few minutes. I walk though and I am trying to make that a part of my daily routine. At one point in time I walked most weekdays and felt very well doing so (this was years ago), Im going to make this happen again. One of my long term goals is to be able to get back into doing some hardcore stretching and strength building. The one sport I ever participated in that I miss is gymnastics, I may be a bit old for that now but I could still do some things in the sport. Just to say I can do it.
Hallucinations- I haven't mentioned this one in a while but I think its safe to say this symptom is a full 0 and has been for a while.
Stomach pain and lack of appetite-7 out of 10, I can eat and its rare I actually have pain. But I just cannot eat enough food. I eat tiny portions and a slim number of meals. Some days I can eat plenty compared to my average but its still no where close to the calorie count I should be consuming. If I was one of those people who posted pics of their food on Instagram, they'd be more like monthly posts instead of weekly or daily LOL

This has become a much shorter list than it once was. I used to have a couple dozen symptoms, thankfully im down to just a few.
One thing that I have benefitted from keeping this blog is the record of the last few years of treatment. It can really put things into perspective on how things can change for the better.

I will one day be as strong physically as I am mentally. I like to think I am a strong fighter against chronic disease. I dont take things sitting down, just waiting for something magical to happen. I may not take anything lying down but I do take many things on my knees. I thank God for all that he has taught me over the last seven, close to eight, years now. I have learned many invaluable lessons and id like to think ive been able to help other people with what they go through. My faith is strong, I know that only my earthly body is affected by struggles. My spirit does get afflicted and the stress of it all does wear on ones heart after so long, but in the end neither Lyme, nor any other illness can kill my spirit. I will always have my relationship with Jesus. No sleepless night or extreme pain or starvation can take that away. There is a special peace in knowing that I will always have the Lord by my side. I know that I will one day be 100% healed, whether it be in my earthly home or when I go be with the Lord. I know that suffering is never forever, even when anxiety tries to tell me that it is.
I know that each prayer and each pill bottle completed is one step closer to full healing. There is no "magic number" to how many prayers are said or how many pills are taken, but whether we realize it or not one day we will pray "please heal my XYZ" or "please take away this pain" for the last time. Again, whether it be because healing was physical or spiritual, healing from the Lord is healing.
I am thankful for my illness and thankful for my suffering. I have never in the last seven years said-this was a mistake, I was never meant to get sick. Because I was, take it as you wish, but suffering is a part of this life. No one lives a pain free or illness free life. I personally believe that my illness was due to the Fall of Man in the Book of Genesis. Due to the sin of man, by choice, we will all be destined to a less than perfect life until Christ's return.
I will take the path I am given in stride. I will make mistakes, I will be negative, and I will get angry. But once I stop throwing my tantrum I will take ever measure that I can find to fight back against whatever the struggle may be.
What can I say, fighting is in my blood?

Here is my most recent picture of pill bottle empties-

Its been a while since I posted a pic, but for those of you who are new readers here. I save all of my empty pill bottles. I want to see how many bottles, capsules, and oz's of liquid it takes before I can say I DID IT! This collection is still growing. I like to think of all my empty bottles as proof of fighting. Each pill, one step closer to beating Lyme. I also view them as encouragement, I can look back and hold a pill bottle that I once needed for a symptom that left months or years ago and say-this battle was a success. Or I can look at how many bottles ive used for fighting a particular symptom and say-one step closer. I like tangible proof, I like the things I can see with my eyes and hold with my hands. Saving my bottles gives me a way of looking back, and viewing how ive changed things for the better going forward. They show that I didn't quit. If I had skipped out on treatment I wouldn't have any bottles and id sure have a whole lot more symptoms. Or worse, if I had given up on life altogether and quit in the most tragic of ways, there would be fewer bottles or even no bottles.

Id like to ask each one of you to pray for someone you know is in need. I always covet prayers from others, for healing, support, for a healthy body, and pray for encouragement. But maybe make it part of you're routine to pray for your friends and family who are going through some things in their life.

"For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them"
Matthew 18:20

The Healing Code, have you read it?

     Today I want to talk about a book to nearly everyone I know. Dr. L recommended this to me a few years, and I am so glad I listened! This book really helped me get through the emotional trauma caused by being sick. People with chronic illnesses often have had some kind of emotional trauma at some point in their life.

     Mine stemmed from a few points. When I broke my arm I was in a cast for about 9 weeks. My thumb and pointer finger were unable to flex because the nerve was stretched. All of my fingers on that hand were messed up in some way or another. I had 0 feeling in my pointer and thumb, my middle finger had pins and needles and diminished flexibility, my ring finger was like my middle but less severe, then my pinky was unaffected somehow. Even today I still have diminished feeling in that hand after nearly 5 years, PE, and laser therapy.
Another thing that gets to me, especially on the bad days, is losing friends and being unable to stay involved with things I did previously.
At one point I was active in Boy Scouts, gymnastics, tennis, and anything else fun that came up. The boy scouts especially ticked me off. I was one of the highest ranking kids in the county, active in the Troop, first one in my patrol to reach the rank of eagle at 14 years old, and I had known most of the other guys most of my life.
I went to the meetings and taught the younger kids every week, never missed. I knew all of the younger kids, I enjoyed teaching them. It was great.
A year after becoming an Eagle Scout I just had no more energy for extra activities. I couldn't go and teach every week. No one said anything to me. I took a three month or so break before I went back. One of the first things a patrol member of mine said to me was "Why are you here"
Warming isn't it? I could talk about the Boy Scouts a lot...but lets be honest. Its way overrated.
 I am a double silver Eagle Scout with a full sash of merit badges(I could start the second). I know this from experience. I wasn't one of the kids who let their dad take over either, I made it at 14 because I wanted  to. It was a goal I wanted to accomplish. I just had a strive to thrive.
Now Lyme disease is my priority. I have to strive to survive. Ill thrive later, God willing.

     That's the gist of my sob story. Ill probably post about it again at a later date. Ill get off my rabbit trail and go back to the book.
Emotional trauma stops healing. The mind is the control center for your whole body. If it is overwhelmed with emotions it has to deal with, its priorities are going to change from healing the body, to healing the mind. Stress kills, a stressed brain cannot function.
When we live with emotional trauma, the added physical trauma will be our downfall. Its not possible to be physically well when we are taken down from both sides.
Our heart, according to Dr. Jernigan at the Hansa Center, holds onto these emotional memories. This book, The Healing Code, goes into great detail about how our emotions and thoughts control our health. One of the doctors in the book discussed how his chronically ill patients
 wouldn't get better. The root of it wasn't the wrong pill combination, but emotions.


     Reading this book gave me more sense of self awareness. I am not controlled by the anger or unhappiness I had from becoming ill. I don't blame myself. I used to try to blame others or myself. "Maybe if I would have started complaining about my symptoms sooner I would have found a treatment sooner". Or why didn't someone else see that I felt so bad and say something.
Its important to remember, everything happens for a reason. We may not be able to see the reason, but there will be a positive outcome.

     Being sick taught me to become independent and to avoid following blindly. Whenever a doctor tells me to take something I need to know A.Why? B. What is it going to do to me. C. What are the important side affects.
Too many people take a doctors advice way too seriously. A doctor practices what he/she is taught, most of them do follow a similar script for everyone.
They have a fairly specific protocol for everyone already, for depression they have an A drug they tryout first, same goes for infections, ADD/ADHD, and other disorders.
When drug A or even herb/supplement A doesn't work, they have a backup or plan B.

     I learned to think creatively. I try to think outside the box when it goes to my own treatment. Most doctors(who treat lyme) give 1-3 abx. This will cause a herx reaction from the bacteria dying.
When a herx is coming on, we are told to detox. Detox what? There is always more than lyme bacteria to detoxify. The goal may be to remove the toxins from dead bacteria, but detoxing is so general. It will help remove anything that needs to be removed.
So what specifically is being detoxed, heavy metals, other bacteria toxins(if so which ones?), environmental toxins, pesticides, parasites?
When detoxing usually some symptoms will increase, for me brain fog usually. Which toxins coming out cause which symptoms?
Anyway, this is how I think. "Why" and "how" is what I am always asking. I no longer think, "what if I had" or "but if this-". This poisons our body.

The Healing Code taught me to check my thoughts and emotions. Letting them run wild will lead to downfall, not a better circumstance that "could have been". It was not a standard self help book, it wasn't telling me to change my life to be happy. It explained the science of cellular memories and how they affect our body.
I recommend this book to anyone who struggles with a resistant, chronic disease. It was easy to read and extremely informative.
Emotional healing should be considered in everyone with a chronic disease. Something is blocking the body from healing.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”‘ – Romans 8:28