Showing posts with label awareness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label awareness. Show all posts

Sunday, August 9, 2020

Week with the Doctor

Just Completed my Second Week at the Clinic for the Year

I spent the week with the doctor, this is the second trip this year.
It went extremely well, my test results as a whole have stayed consistent and I haven't gotten any worse from the last time I visited the clinic. I have been feeling great, going to the gym 4-5x a week, i've been sleeping well, had decent energy, and for the most part feeling normal. He is happy with the progress I have made since my visit in March, once again he said there is no lyme or pathogen's in my system causing me issues, its just a matter of cleaning up the damage that the lyme has left.
Since this time last year, I have gained around 20lbs, which is a big deal for me. I still need to gain more but it is not something I need to worry too much on. This week the doctor did spend some time focusing on my gut so that in theory I can start eating more sooner rather than later. He is not too discouraged by how much I eat, but he does want my appetite to be more consistent (because some days I couldn't care less if I ate or not).
He did work on my gut, brain, lungs, liver and heart this week and that was it. I am taking probably half of the amount of supplements as to what I normally would be taking-which is fantastic. No parasites either, which was a problem forever. Parasite treatment was the worst too!

I am pretty excited, I won't need to see him again until March next year. If it wasn't for my school schedule limiting when I can and cannot go I probably wouldn't go back to the clinic for a year. My March visit next year will probably be the only visit to the clinic next year, which would be the best yet. This year and last, I visited the clinic two per year. Back when I first started going I went 3x the first year, I think 4x the second because I ended up getting very sick (or it may have been the third year...I would have to look back at my notes). In total I have been going for 5 and a half years, which is daunting to think about. Niether my parents, my doctor, or myself thought it would take this long to get my body back to normal. I still struggle with issues here and there, sometimes I do still feel depressed or defeated, I still just get totally worn out sometimes, and I do have to push myself hard to keep my motivation. But. I am doing well. When I have a bad day, I know it will be short lived. Instead of a bad month its just a bad day. I like being able to live my life without really having to think "oh yea, I have lyme disease"

I have made great progress over the last year, I am feeling much better and feeling more normal. I have to say I have one of the best doctors in the world!

I probably will post less on my blog only because I do not have as much to share, but I am not leaving by any stretch. Years ago when I spent so much time reading lyme blogs I found that some would just end, without any idea as to what happened to the writer. Some others would end when the writer started doing better. I want to continue to catalog and share what happens with my life, because Lyme has been a part of my life for so long it has shaped my future.
Because of Lyme I chose to pursue a career in alternative medicine, I will be applying to grad schools in the next month or two. I plan on becoming a chiropractor, I am also considering pursuing a Masters in psychology so that I could be a counselor in addition. In December of this year, I will finally finish my undergraduate degree in psychology. I am super excited for this!

Years ago, in one of my more emotional posts on what lyme can do to ones mental state, I talked about how I felt like it hurt me more to dream about the future because I was not healthy or capable enough to do the things I needed and wanted. I feel like now, I can dream all I want and my body wont be what holds me back. I know psychologically I will struggle a little bit more than others when it comes to some things, but because I know that and I have had some great resources, I will now be able to cope more so than in the past. Brain fog and forgetfulness still happens, it may even be a "normal" amount-truthfully I don't know. My doctor told me that most likely what will happen is that I will start remembering more from here on out, but the things I have forgotten over the years may or may not come back. SO five years from now I will remember this point forward, but some things from five years ago now I may never get back. Which is ok, because I still am making progress.

I have some other "health" goals I need to push for myself that all of us, chronic or not, need to be working on. I have mentioned before about how much my psychology teachers have pushed us to manage our stress, because that will be the prevention we need to keep away from all sorts of ailments. I need to work some more on my spirituality, I have gotten so bad at reading books of any kind because it is hard for me to sit down and read-especially if it is something I want to read to remember. I need to get back into doing some reading and studying, outside of school.
I pray often but I would not say I have been pushing my relationship with God very much as I should be.

I want to continue being able to share with others with lyme or chronic illness that there is hope, ignore what the doctors or naysayers say and push your own pathway towards healing. I have no idea if I will ever have a lyme flair again, I may not or I may have a lot more ahead. Who knows. But what will count is how I handle it mentally, physically and emotionally.

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

The Hamster Chronicles-Are you Under this Rock?

I went off in search for my missing hamster today. I searched high and low and still no sign of the little guy. I searched in the trees and in the yard, I even crawled under a rock and thought you know what? Im just going to stay here today. So here I am, hiding under a rock.

Today was visit number three with my newest addition to my support team, Jeff the counselor. These last few days have not been the greatest. Emotional havoc and all that. Ya know the usual.
Feelings of being trapped in a defective body, feelings of being stuck in a snow globe out of reach from the rest of the world, and the feeling of chasing a parked car. I just run a bit low on hope and a bit high on panic.
Physically I'm not sure how sick I actually am. I had a lot of back pain over the weekend but my amazing chiropractor set that straight. Ive had some headaches which have led to some severe brain fog and confusion, other than that I don't know how ill I've felt this week. Nothing severe, not perfect but honestly I made it through.
Emotionally Ive fallen to bitty pieces because of this and that and that and that and that too! Constant frustration runs through my head. Its like it is never ending, I am constantly stuck in my head. I don't think any of my physical problems would be as bad as they are if they wouldn't get stuck in my head. Emotional problems stick in my head until the problem takes the last ones place. Its an endless vicious cycle.

Im frustrated I have no one to turn to when Im feeling sick or down. Im frustrated no one gets it. I have no idea what I am even supposed to be doing to combat my issues right now. Hence the need for my counselor.
So I spent this afternoon talking to him for a bit about whats stuck in my mind. At the end of it he asked me if I felt like he was understanding what was wrong. He wanted to make sure he got it, the best someone without lyme could get it. I appreciated that immensely. Time went by very quickly and before I knew it our time was up. I left there with the understanding that some of the issues bugging me are not as severe as I feel they are. He made me aware of what I was hyper reacting to and the consequences of it. He didn't make me feel like I was crazy or emotionally out of control, he mainly just listened. He interrupted a few times to make sure he was understanding what I was saying so he could get it, but the time was mostly me word vomiting.

Im starting to warm up a little more to the counselor idea. One thing I do feel is that seeing Jeff is like spending time with one of my best friends, just focused more on me. I feel like Jeff is taking the place of a supportive friend, which I lack. I have good friends but when it comes to me needing help they tend to make theirselves scarce. Often times leaving me aggravated with someone, which in turn means ill inevitably start an argument..that will not be productive in any way.

With May being lyme awareness month I had hoped one of my friends would do something for me or for awareness. I shared the take out of lyme challenge with everyone, I posted it on social media and I talked about it with anyone that would give me the opportunity. Every time it ended in someone turning their nose up or changing the subject. I point blank asked my best friend to do it, he was going to do it until he just never did.
Long story short, once again no one took my hints or did anything for lyme awareness.
This left me feeling small and insignificant. I try every year to raise awareness and every year Im a one man marching band.
I wish I knew the magic code for getting peoples attention for these things....me being sick is no big deal to anyone but me.
If I had someone that cared that deeply for me I wouldn't need Jeff or any other counselor

Status-Frustrated the hamster got an escape and I didn't

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Post 100

Look at that you guys, we've reached post number 100!! During Lyme Disease Awareness month too!

This is exciting. I am thrilled to say I feel much better today than I did when I typed out post number 1 back in October 15'.
Today I am building up my body. My muscles and back are beginning to hold and work correctly, I have more energy, some nights I sleep hard and wake refreshed, and my spirit is healing.

One of the things you are never told about being chronically ill is your body and spirit are never in line. One day your spirit could be in a great place, calm and confident. But your body is in shambles.
Going to bed one night thinking everything is great, tomorrow will be awesome. Then tomorrow comes and you awaken to the feeling of negativity, pain, fatigue, and a grand total of zero motivation.

But time goes on. Gods plan works out. I have learned an invaluable amount of information during my many years of illness. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Did you see that coming?

I've been sick for years, but wouldn't have it any other way. Huh.

The end of my illness is getting closer, not tomorrow but in the upcoming time it is. Physically and mentally I am stronger and gaining a little more every week. Ups and downs occur but have become less extreme.

I will be going back to Hansa, I hope it will be my last requires visit. Even if it's not, I'm okay. If I go for a 4th time it is not the end of the world. I am healing. I will be 100% and better than before one day-without the need of further supplements.

That's one thing I am looking forward to, no more pills or liquids to take. I have a few boxes of empty bottles that I've saved just to see how many bottles I would go through to reach the last one.
I have taken something almost every day for 5ish years...it would be nice to have no need for that.
My healing results in the last few months is astounding, I pray everyone will one day be able to have access to healthcare that is available at the Hansa Center.

Until next time, God bless