Higher Purpose

 I Want To Share

What helped me through my journey. In the lyme community as a whole, there is a collective feeling of being trapped. Lyme patients, in my opinion, often do not get their health back 100%. I know I was discouraged along the way by fellow lyme patients. Why? To cope? I do not know. Treatment is expensive no matter what route one takes. Some people cannot get better because they cannot afford the stockpile of meds. I remember being told "you may get better, but lyme will always be there causing problems at least a little bit. You cannot get over it."

I hated being told that, I was told that by someone whose opinion I did value. This person is the one who clued me off as to what lyme was, before them I had never heard of lyme disease (what a time in my life to remember!). They taught me a lot, they pushed me in the direction of reading and research. She told me about Cure Unknown by Pamela Weintraub, I *think* that was the first, if not at least one of the first books I ever opened that covered the topic of what is called Lyme Disease. I jumped in and read further, I read more books, I read some books more than once. I became a young adult who was now informed and well developed in their opinion on tick borne illnesses. Somewhere on here I have written specifically on what books I have read and what I thought about them, truth is, if you are not researching on your own to understand how lyme and its treatment works, you could be setting yourself up for failure. Being a nerd saved me, or so I think!

The mentality that I hope I have shared on my blog over the years, I hope, has conveyed positivity and perseverance. Anyone can chose to quit trying and stop searching for the next answer. Anyone can give up their hope. Anyone can lose their faith in God, that everything happens for a reason. 

It takes a stronger person to take on the fighter mentality of I cannot quit. At some point, during the sucking and the suffering and the absolute terror that chronic disease had caused me I realized-I will only ever have one human body. One. I may not can choose what events happen, such as contracting an illness or injury. But I can and should actively make choices, mindful thought-out choices, on how I am going to treat my body. I choose what I put into it. I choose what I put it through. I make choices on what time I wake up and what time I go to sleep. All of these things can make or break a treatment protocol of any kind.

If you want to continuously have pain, continuously have fatigue, just skip out on sleeping. Even if you are an insomniac-get in bed. Turn the lights off. Put on relaxing music or a video to listen to (not watch. no screen!). Weeks/months/years down the road when the neurological burden is reduced, normalized sleep will return. On a sleepless night this whole no tv or light thing is stupid boring. Yes. But training our brains for the correct sleeping pattern is beneficial because one day, our body will listen.

Diet. Everyones favorite four letter word. I followed the 80/20 rule for the most part. Some times I had to be more strict, other times I broke loose. 80% good, healthy, anti-inflammatory foods. 20% less than ideal dietary choices. Remember, results aren't instant. Waiting to feel results could take more than an extended amount of time.

Finally I would like to add-patience. Pray. Hold on tight. Some people get better, some people don't, its just the nature of the beast-but I believe with proper treatment everyone can make progress. 

Its easy to take a pill or few a couple times a day, it's easy because it does not take a significant amount of thought space to plan out taking the pills as compared to planning healthy meals, planning to be in bed, planning to exercise (then come up with what exercise to do). The more thought space something takes, the less time we really want to dedicate to it, as chronic illness patients, sometimes we have no thought space to spend. It is hard and we all fail somewhere along the way. What counts is the process of making a choices on how to react to our failure. Choosing is the operative word here.

Writing

I write to share my experience because it can be hard to find hope in the world. I believe that we live in a fallen world that is only degrading further. I do not believe that a magic pill is going to pop up to cure chronic lyme disease. I would love to be wrong, it could happen. But do not wait on someone else to solve the problem. 

I have drawn much of my hope from other lyme sufferers and I believe that it is my duty to share my experience for those who are still trapped in the dark ball of feeling like death incarnate. Yolanda Hadid is probably one of my favorite Lyme advocates. Her book, Believe Me, is the greatest illustration of what a person with chronic Lyme struggles with. She details that money was not her answer, she had much more financial resources than 99% of people with chronic disease and she still suffered for over a decade. Her mentality is something that, in my opinion, is unmatched by the average person suffering with a disease. She was not the victim, she did not quit, she did not give up. Perseverance kept her going, her children kept her going, she found the things she needed to make her life what she wanted despite severe physical suffering. That is so hard, it doesn't happen overnight, it takes failure and people as a whole tend to fear failure. Keep going and you will never truly fail. 

I believe that one day I will write a book or do something more involved and formal than write a blogger blog, to out reach to those who are trapped in the cycle of chronic disease. I also believe that today, in August of 2020, I am not at that point in my life. I know that I have more goals I want to reach before I can look back and say-not only did I beat Lyme+autoimmune disease but I achieved what Lyme tried to take from me.

Part of what motivates and drives me is knowing that I still have so many goals I want to achieve. Lyme sure did hit a big pause button on what I wanted to do with my life. I was not an athlete of any kind in school, I was one of the smartest until I could no longer think at all, I certainly was no writer. I want to grow my knowledge in psychology and work on being motivational for those who want to give away their hope, I do not think that there can ever be enough motivation. I want to build my body up, I want to feel physically strong, I have never really felt that (and if I ever did, I can't remember that time anymore). 

I feel that these are solid goals to work towards now that I do not chronically suffer from disease. 

I want to share these two videos with you all. I re-watched them this evening for the first time in ages. I was anything but disappointed!

Yolanda Hadid at the Lyme LRA Gala:

Ally Hilfiger -Living the Lyme Life feat. Bella Hadid

Week with the Doctor

Just Completed my Second Week at the Clinic for the Year

I spent the week with the doctor, this is the second trip this year.

It went extremely well, my test results as a whole have stayed consistent and I haven't gotten any worse from the last time I visited the clinic. I have been feeling great, going to the gym 4-5x a week, i've been sleeping well, had decent energy, and for the most part feeling normal. He is happy with the progress I have made since my visit in March, once again he said there is no lyme or pathogen's in my system causing me issues, its just a matter of cleaning up the damage that the lyme has left.

Since this time last year, I have gained around 20lbs, which is a big deal for me. I still need to gain more but it is not something I need to worry too much on. This week the doctor did spend some time focusing on my gut so that in theory I can start eating more sooner rather than later. He is not too discouraged by how much I eat, but he does want my appetite to be more consistent (because some days I couldn't care less if I ate or not).

He did work on my gut, brain, lungs, liver and heart this week and that was it. I am taking probably half of the amount of supplements as to what I normally would be taking-which is fantastic. No parasites either, which was a problem forever. Parasite treatment was the worst too!

I am pretty excited, I won't need to see him again until March next year. If it wasn't for my school schedule limiting when I can and cannot go I probably wouldn't go back to the clinic for a year. My March visit next year will probably be the only visit to the clinic next year, which would be the best yet. This year and last, I visited the clinic two per year. Back when I first started going I went 3x the first year, I think 4x the second because I ended up getting very sick (or it may have been the third year...I would have to look back at my notes). In total I have been going for 5 and a half years, which is daunting to think about. Niether my parents, my doctor, or myself thought it would take this long to get my body back to normal. I still struggle with issues here and there, sometimes I do still feel depressed or defeated, I still just get totally worn out sometimes, and I do have to push myself hard to keep my motivation. But. I am doing well. When I have a bad day, I know it will be short lived. Instead of a bad month its just a bad day. I like being able to live my life without really having to think "oh yea, I have lyme disease"

I have made great progress over the last year, I am feeling much better and feeling more normal. I have to say I have one of the best doctors in the world!

I probably will post less on my blog only because I do not have as much to share, but I am not leaving by any stretch. Years ago when I spent so much time reading lyme blogs I found that some would just end, without any idea as to what happened to the writer. Some others would end when the writer started doing better. I want to continue to catalog and share what happens with my life, because Lyme has been a part of my life for so long it has shaped my future.

Because of Lyme I chose to pursue a career in alternative medicine, I will be applying to grad schools in the next month or two. I plan on becoming a chiropractor, I am also considering pursuing a Masters in psychology so that I could be a counselor in addition. In December of this year, I will finally finish my undergraduate degree in psychology. I am super excited for this!

Years ago, in one of my more emotional posts on what lyme can do to ones mental state, I talked about how I felt like it hurt me more to dream about the future because I was not healthy or capable enough to do the things I needed and wanted. I feel like now, I can dream all I want and my body wont be what holds me back. I know psychologically I will struggle a little bit more than others when it comes to some things, but because I know that and I have had some great resources, I will now be able to cope more so than in the past. Brain fog and forgetfulness still happens, it may even be a "normal" amount-truthfully I don't know. My doctor told me that most likely what will happen is that I will start remembering more from here on out, but the things I have forgotten over the years may or may not come back. SO five years from now I will remember this point forward, but some things from five years ago now I may never get back. Which is ok, because I still am making progress.

I have some other "health" goals I need to push for myself that all of us, chronic or not, need to be working on. I have mentioned before about how much my psychology teachers have pushed us to manage our stress, because that will be the prevention we need to keep away from all sorts of ailments. I need to work some more on my spirituality, I have gotten so bad at reading books of any kind because it is hard for me to sit down and read-especially if it is something I want to read to remember. I need to get back into doing some reading and studying, outside of school.

I pray often but I would not say I have been pushing my relationship with God very much as I should be.

I want to continue being able to share with others with lyme or chronic illness that there is hope, ignore what the doctors or naysayers say and push your own pathway towards healing. I have no idea if I will ever have a lyme flair again, I may not or I may have a lot more ahead. Who knows. But what will count is how I handle it mentally, physically and emotionally.

Back to School

Math Class
Its the end of the first week of September and school is completely back in action and in full swing! I kept doing some classes through the summer, so I never took a full break per say. But doing a couple of scattered classes over the whole summer is still so much easier than a full load, which, yet again, I somehow managed to forget.

Today for the first time I had to admit what I would refer to as defeat. I had to talk to my boss at the end of the work day and for the first time EVER in my rather short working career, cut my hours. I just cant do it. Im overwhelmed and my body is tired. I honestly think I did better at getting things done when I felt like crap than I do now, I think the adrenaline from being afraid of falling asleep in class and falling short may have been needed to keep me running like I was.
I just had to stop. Five college classes and 30 hour work weeks, and about 25 hours of homework at home every week. I cant even go to the gym or hang out with friends at ALL because i'm always staring down a book like my life depends on it.
Im taking abnormal psychology, Chemistry +chem lab (3 hours long, twice a week, whose jealous ?), Pre Calculus, and Globalization. I spend so much time doing math and chemistry, I forgot I was taking Globalization. I barely have time to even take the other classes. On Wednesday I spent the time after I got up, all the way until after 9:15pm or so, doing math and chemistry. I could barely move I was so tired, my only breaks were eating and going to math class(ok so that wasn't a break).

Cutting down on going to work is my LEAST favorite thing to do. I enjoy the people and the job itself way too much. I don't have to "act" a certain way and I don't really worry about if I'm being talked about behind my back, unlike some other crowds of mine.
Plus working of course, provides funding for my hobbies which is my escape from stress. Kinda a catch 22, working to be able to pay to de stress or not working to de stress. Hm.

Today, what broke me and made me wave the white flag, I completely bombed my first math test for the semester. It was 100% because I just didn't have the time to study, I spent all my free time doing homework. I knew this stuff, this was a repeat from last semester, I aced the homework. It wasn't even a long or particularly hard test. I was just so tired and I hadn't been able to study, which is something I have to do for math because I am not wired to do math.

Needless to say. Im a bit depressed. 90% is probably due to just being worn out, this is the busiest school schedule ive ever had, chemistry should really be considered two classes instead of one. I knew this was going to be a rough schedule, I just did not realize how bad. Only three more months to go. The first month went by quick. Thats good right? I just have to redo the first month three more times, then the semester is over LOL

Ive been thinking a lot lately, Ive fallen into a very anti social mood these days. Well. Most of this year I haven't really wanted to be around other people, its not just lately. Ive been paying attention to the people who I most enjoy being around and the people that stress me out.
One "friend" of mine, that was a classmate, who liked to call or text me with ALL of her complaints whenever she got frustrated with life. Which, she may have earned a Guinness world record for, I don't think she's even capable of having something right in her life. But don't worry, she was a very capable young woman, because nothing was EVER her fault. (read the sarcasm here). She was always nice to me for the most part but after a while, I realized she really drove me nuts.
Theres another two or three people that fall into this category, that were close friends and known for years. And I cant help but wonder, what should I do? I already avoid them and don't really talk to or see them in person...but they're my friends (i think). I feel like i'm doing something wrong. But I also feel like when I'm not in the room, I don't want to know what they actually talk about.

On the other side. The people at work are usually my favorite people to be around. Is it because they're that much different than the other people I know, or am I just more comfortable at work than I am around people outside of work. These are the things that keep me awake at night LOL.

Media
Ive payed more attention to some of the things I really enjoy to watch on tv. Tonight I was watching an old Joan Rivers clip on youtube, it was about this time five years ago that she was killed by some doctors. Joan was talking about how she originally had to work hard to reach the level that she reached. She was a woman, a jew, and said things that not just everyone wanted to hear (read men didn't like female competition 60 or so years ago), she had to work harder in some ways than other people in the business at the time.
Then when she was in her 50's, her husband killed himself and she lost her TV show. She lost her best friend, and all that she had worked for over her whole life, all in days of each other. I think a lot of people can sympathize, who have chronic disease. One day you have your life, wherever the milestone be that you've reached, and then one day its gone. Or one day you feel so horrible that you couldn't care less for what you do or don't have.
Joan said she had to go back to the bottom of the totem pole, she ended up back in regular night clubs with the kids who were trying to become someone. Here she was, in her fifties, had her own national tv show and prior career with Johnny Carson, and she was back at the starting point. To me, thats like graduating college with a doctorate then being sent back to Kindergarten to start over from the very beginning.
Later in the interview she talked about how some people are offended by her sense of comedy, and she listed some things that had upset people that she ended up changing. She also made a point that I agree with, if someone has a life that others could only ever wish for and they make $25 million a year. Its not a big deal to talk about their outfit.
On the surface its obvious that this is a joke, especially if you see what some people on TV wear . BUT looking at this a bit more seriously. What do we ourselves look at in ourselves or others, that we take too harshly? At the end of the day some things really don't matter. We can all make mistakes, sure, and be too critical about them. But some things we should just get over it, because tomorrow it wont matter. Easier said than done.
I appreciate Joans sense of humor because it makes some of the hard subjects lighter and she doesn't limit herself to a "box" that only certain people fit in. She even says, many times, that she is her own biggest critic.
Makes you think doesnt it?

No?

Okay so just me then.


One day its my goal to motivate myself to keep going with whatever the project or assignment is, without criticizing myself or others. I wonder, for real, that if one day this is how I will really work in my daily life.

Numbness

What Would the Dr.Order?

One of the things I was hoping to accomplish with the psychiatrist I began seeing in December was getting out of depression. I know its not necessarily a fast process and I'm not done yet, but I was hoping I would notice a change on their protocol. I still feel numb all of the time, unless I'm upset. I can still feel sympathy and feel upset or grief, but I never feel like myself. Lately I haven't really felt like talking to anyone. Some of my friends I have just kinda blown of altogether. I don't feel like myself and its so frustrating.
Ive talked to Dr.psychiatrist about this. Her biggest concern is my irregular sleep patterns. Which I do agree, need to be fixed and they are causing issues of their own and probably making this depression or whatever it is worse. But Ive had sleep issues for over a decade, I almost don't even care anymore. I mean I do care, I would love to sleep and relax at night. But so far I've failed several sleep drugs and a dozen or so sleep supplements. Im not sure what magic results she thinks she's going to get. She talked to me about Belsomra, which my insurance denied. I said I might would try a sleep drug if it was different from what Ive already tried, but Belsomra being $500, not happening. Especially considering it has a strong possibility of being useless and ending up in the trash.
She's holding out on the HBOT as being a big deal and potentially solving a bunch of issues. Its made a difference, so I'm holding out that she's right.
I had a bit higher hopes that this brain specialist would be able to help a little more than it all has. Im not done yet, but I was expecting a bit more benefit to the cost$

I have had some stresses lately. A friend of mine (unsuccessfully) attempted suicide the night of the superbowl. I stayed on the phone with her during the matter trying to bring her down, I dont know if she even remembers it now. But it took a toll on me that night and the next day. I feel for her, I know what its like to be miserable. But...she would rather take her stress out on others than actually resolve the situation. And I can be one of the people she takes her issues out on...

Januar 26 was my 8 year anniversary of getting sick. That weighed on me a little bit but in truth I dont know what to feel, so I just didnt. Last year I was extremely emotional on the 7 year anniversary. I remember crying for at least a week or more, before and after the day. I just flat out could not believe that I was still sic, even with treatment, and still feeling like death. I think I feel better this year than last year, a lot of it is a blur so I dont really remember. I was doing the best year before last. I thought I was almost out of it.
Can I repeat that year??
What magic was I doing then?? I want to do it again.

Some days I do very well and I can pretend that theirs nothing wrong with me. Other days, I leave school, get in my car, and have to stay there a bit before driving. Some days I wake up and I feel like I have the world in my hand, others I don't even want to get out of bed.

I decided to add in Collagen powder to my daily supplement routine, helping address any leaky gut issues. Ive done a lot for leaky gut over the years but...thought this may have some benefit. Im also taking some lyme and parasitic specific supplements right now and I have for a few weeks. In the past I have felt worse when treating parasites, so maybe this is doing something? Walking blindly right now....

Into the Valley

Hi all, im sorry for being so quiet lately. So so so much has been going on in my life over the last few weeks.
Work has been crazy busy, which is great. My energy has held up and I've been able to stay active through this time. I love being able to do that, this week I've even worked through lunch all 4 days this week. I don't do that often and usually I appreciate having the break but this week, the opportunity was there to keep going and I wanted to take it.

Tomorrow is the day for me to fly back to Kansas so that I can see my doctor on Monday. I think this week will bring great results. I have high hopes. But, as the usual goes...I will feel worse before feeling better. This thought is always daunting, I never know the severity of whats to come. Ive been doing so well the last few weeks I almost hate to mess with it, but at the same time...on a scale of very sick to normal human function, I'm still below normal human function. Dizziness, heart palpitations, nausea, headaches, and even nearly blacking out have been normal symptoms lately. Ive dropped to my knees many times over the last few weeks because I all the sudden become too weak to stand anymore. Not good. So without a doubt I need to see my doctor.

The uncertainty does scare me though. I don't like being able to look at my calendar today and say 3 days from todays post I will feel significantly worse than I do right now. It just seems wrong that I am literally planning for myself to become sick, because treatment will have begun.
I don't like being able to look on my calendar and say from Tuesday on, ill feel sicker than normal and its just gonna stay that way. Same for Saturday, the day after flying home I always feel worse and end up in a funk. I just...I don't like that feeling.

I have had several tests performed recently. Full autoimmune panel and a full adrenal and hormone test, all came back well. Adrenals are just barely out of range upon waking and my DHEA is a little high, other than that I passed everything with flying colors. Only if my body knew how well I was doing, that would be great.

I have a lot more to post, but unfortunately I also have a lot more to pack so I have to sign off for now. Ill be posting more this week to keep you all updated on my week with the doctor.

Rough and Shaky

Pull it Together
Another rough day today. I think I wanted to jump right out of my skin, just right on out of it. I slept in late on purpose to get as much rest as possible. I woke up the same as I went to bed last night. I didn’t want to deal with it, I hate feeling sad and lonely. Once I got moving for real this morning I went straight to doing homework, I had to do something to keep my brain distracted. It took a while before I could muster up the real energy I needed to get moving and get out of bed for more than a few minutes. Once the homework was out of the way I still had to keep moving for survival. So I took my Volvo on an adventure. I got my haircut, had the emissions checked (PASSED!), and then we returned home.
The whole rest of the afternoon consisted of me taking apart the Volvo and working on some things. I didn’t have the energy to be outside all day but I made it happen. I tried to stopping and coming inside but I was only inside a few minutes before I realized I couldn’t stop. I needed to have something to distract my mind and keep my hands working. In other words I needed to burn every bit of energy in my system so my brain had no more to run wild with. Working on the car works for me right now because I can physically do the work it needs but it requires a little concentration and brain power which keeps me in a slightly better place than I would be otherwise. Hey it even gets me outside too, during the winter time I am an inside being. I don’t do the cold. Not at all. So for now this system works,

I had some friends over this evening, also to keep me distracted after dark when I could no longer burn energy with the car(it’s really not that broken). We played clue. I don’t play board games often, turns out those require focus and brain power with a side of memory. Dang, fresh out of those.
I am probably one of the worst people to play with, or at least in this current state. In Clue you have to remember the other players characters names....yea I can’t do that. Mr green, Sargent plum, orchids, I don’t know but every time I had to take my turn and pretend I knew what was happening I would look at the friend I wanted to accuse and say-so who are you?
It really was fun to play, but it made me feel lost and stupid. I accomplished my goal of not being alone and socializing while also keeping my brain distracted. I enjoyed it. I promise. I think..I don’t remember much of what happened, I was a space cadet. Lost in space searching my brain for a place not infected with cobwebs.
While everyone else was playing the game or talking I was trying to figure it who was who.

Eventually the games ended and we only had one other person here. It was nice, I was tired but I had someone to socialize with for a little bit until I was ready to check in for the night.
None of my close friends came, it was more so my sisters crowd. Nothing wrong with that but when all my friends had something else to do it made me self conscious a bit. I have the paranoia of why can’t I be the one they are busy with? Why am I always the one searching out for one of my friends, never the one that gets chosen. In other words, I’m the first to be needed if someone wants something but last to be picked for a get together. I may even be wrong and I can’t see it, I know I’m paranoid. These are some of the thoughts that haunt me.

Last week my doctor told me I was one of his difficult cases. At the clinic I see people with canes, walkers, and wheelchairs-those are supposed to be the difficult ones. I can walk, I work part time, school full time, have a social life, and have two semi demanding hobbies. I am not perfect and awesome at all of these things, my energy does waver and my progress with these things can suffer. But I don’t consider myself one of the more difficult ones. It was just a tad unsettling, I’ve been in treatment for years and I can see how some people are way better than I am at this point. My symptoms are just very clingy, I have never had a perfect 0 on the pain scale of a perfect 10 on the energy scale, it just doesn’t happen for me. I just suck at sitting down and not being productive, I have to keep swimming or I feel useless.
I am hoping that this last visit to the clinic will be a big turnaround. It always takes me a few days to recover from traveling home from the clinic and starting the new remedies. I know I am in the beginning of the detox period where I’ll feel funky for a while then one day I’ll wake up and feel like a cloud was lifted. I just have to wait for that day.

I know I am making progress. I see it in my bloodwork and in my skin even. I’ve been told I look better than I used to.
Before started at the clinic two years ago my skin had started taking on a pale purple complexion. Those days are gone. My face looks human again, some days I don’t even have big purple circle under my eyes. I know these all mean positive things and my face does usually reflect how I feel. Unfortunately very few people actually pay much attention to how I look. People notice that I didn’t brush my hair but rarely does anyone notice I’m pale or zoned out. Funny how that is....vanity is obvious but whose going to notice if I’m present in the moment.

I have officially rambled for a whole post. I think I’ve been typing for 45 minutes now....I don’t even remember what I started this post off with. Another goal accomplished, I think I have finally burned my energy candle for the day and I can go to sleep
*sigh*

When Time Stops

 I am back at the clinic for part of this week and I had a realization today. I was laying on the couch in the hotel room, thinking about all the homework I needed to get done and also how alone I have been feeling.
The TV was going but I was hardly watching it, I was so tired for most of this afternoon that I have been lost in space. Whenever I get like this I tend to just flip through my phone, flipping from one page to another. Opening an app then closing it, until I decide I need to do something better with my time. I realized that time had stopped, minutes felt like hours, I wasn't talking to anyone, TV was just noise, I didn't want to read, I couldn't do anything. I was so tired and foggy I couldn't make myself do any of my normal activities.
On top of that I realized I wasn't talking to anyone because time has not stopped for my friend, they are all either in school or at work. They don"t have the time to talk to me right now, too much life in the way. I haven't heard from my best friend since 6:30am yesterday, he hasn't seen any of my messages about whats going on with me here at the clinic, School and work dictate otherwise. Its sad for me, because he's one of the very few people I feel like I actually connect with, but he isn't sick-his life cant just stop because of me. Same with the rest of my friends and family.

Add that to the list of chronic disease symptoms that others just do not understand, being alone because the disease even infects our time. Our day, Our week, Our year.

I would so much rather have been at work today, joking around with my co workers and working on a new project I have been assigned to overhead. It would be easier to do my homework at home, in my own bed or on my own couch. The hotel room is nice and plenty comfortable, but it ain't home. You cannot beat being at home when you don't feel well. All other environments feel so cold and absent when the world is crashing down around you, only the chronically ill will understand what I just said. Its just not an option right now, I cant be home and honestly I don't feel well enough to be at home. Coming to see my doctor is what I have to do right now.

Today, after a whole morning and afternoon of trying to muster the energy and motivation, I finished reading my history book for class. Next I have to write a paper on it, but lets not think about that right now.
My doctor visits have been going very well, I can see progress in my future. I do have a little bit of peace, but too much brain fog to let me hold onto it.

Low Blood Pressure

Hello friends!

I know I know, I haven't been saying much lately. When I do its usually about how I am and that's about it...
I promise, more will be coming soon. Essential oils have been on my mind lately. I am thinking about joining Doterra. Out of all of my research they seem to have the most pure oils, consistently. How I came to that conclusion will be a post of its own.
Ill be honest though, I will not be one of those oil dealers who claim only their product is the best and cannot ever be compared against. It could even be true, I don't know. There are just several qualities about Doterra and there products I personally appreciate.


On to my progress

Overall, I have been loaded down, crazy busy. In the past, a week like I just experienced would have thrown me in the bed for days. On an extra bad day following a busy time, I would just lay there trembling listing to whatever was on the TV or Netflix. Sometimes in pain from inflamed, angry joints. Oftentimes I would have neuropathy, burning skin, down my arms, legs, and feet. I would just have to ride it out. I had coconut oil for neuropathy and my phone for Netflix. I knew it would end soon, it was only temporary.
Anyway, I did have a down day today. I woke up after noon, with a headache. Being Monday, its my no pill day. My doctor wants to skip my supplements one day a week, I picked Monday.
I tried to hold out on the acetaminophen, I really did. But when my headache was still holding on strong at dinner, it was time..but I did take the lowest dose possible.
Now my headache is gone and I am feeling better, but I am still exhausted.

Backtracking a little bit- Yesterday my blood pressure started crashing. I walked up to a friend once and the only thing I had a chance to say was "going down, hold on." and I continued our conversation from his feet. The funny thing is, my friends expect weird things like this from me...so he just laughed and continued on. No questions asked.
I personally believe my low BP is the reason I cannot exercise. When I try to exercise my BP will start to randomly drop. This week, I have been through plenty of exercise and it caught up to me yesterday. It wasn't intentional, body building healthy exercise. I have just had a lot to do.

I had maybe three crashes yesterday. None really bad, I never really fell down or came close to passing out. But I did have to make a quick sit down a few time, usually in the grass around someone's feet. Or once a table, lol.
It continued today, along with nausea. It has finally began to subside, now that I have rested most of the day.

Back to the present
I have another busy, though not loaded, several days ahead. I think I will hold out, a year ago I couldn't say something like this. Two years ago there for sure was no chance I couldn't do anything strenuous for more than one or two days. Even if I did, I would spend the equal amount of time in bed, with my phone and Netflix.

Best Time in Ages

Today has been the end of the best week I have had in many years.
This past week, I have felt great! Energy has been high, I've been out working in the yard just doing some impromptu yard work and a little bit of landscaping. Last year I thought to myself, it would look great if I did a few things to the backyard. The only problem was last year, my energy and motivation blocked those plans. I made an attempt to start it, I really tried. It just wasn't going to happen.

This year though, I've done it. I have started the project! If my energy picks up again tomorrow I could even finish it this week. How awesome would that be?
Even if I can't finish it this week, I am just so glad to be able to say I made significant progress in just a few days time. If it looks good enough I might even post pictures...

My sleep I fear is the reason I can't feel well consistently. Last night started off feeling like it would just be any other night that I would have, wide awake until the minute I'm asleep. I'm wired and awake...
Once I can sleep enough restful hours at night, I feel like my energy will pick up and stay up. But for now, I'm going to stick with what I get and be glad for the good days.

Today is a crash day. I woke up with zero motivation and no energy whatsoever, I know I'll be much better tomorrow or the day after. Life just has me stressed right now, and we all know what stress does to how we feel.

This week has been a sign that my sicknesses are fading away, for that I am excited!

Busy Weekend!

Sorry I didn't really post over the weekend :/ I was super busy.

     Over the weekend I was out of town with some friends. Now that it is over, I am extremely tired...
During this trip I had about zero sleep. I was only gone two nights, so glad it wasn't more just for this reason!
The first night I stayed up the entire night, I probably dozed some but overall, I got up in the morning feeling the same as when I went to bed.
The second night I know I dozed some, no idea how much, I just know I did. Got up(notice I didn't say woke up) the second morning the same as the first. I stood up ad was just as awake as when I attempted to go to sleep.
This time, I know exactly why I am more tired than usual! I don't need to assume its associated with any of my particular infections. Not sure if that's good or not...but hey, its an answer, right?

    Overall the weekend was great, I didn't feel any worse than usual, even though I was awake for two days straight and had something to do the as soon as I got up right until I went to bed. That's a plus isn't it?
I had plenty of energy, I even helped push a dead car. Usually something like this would be very tiring for me, especially pushing something heavy like a car. Chronic illness absolutely kills muscle and endurance, making anything strenuous a thing of the past.
This wasn't even the most strenuous thing I did over the weekend, so I was rather impressed that I never felt worse!

     Because I was not at home, I couldn't take all of my supplements with me. The cinchona stayed home, so that was skipped for two days. I didn't feel worse, so it must not have been that detrimental.
I was already on break with the Artemisia, that I restarted today.
The only pills I took with me were Dopalift, black walnut, and FiveHTPThrive.
I wonder if the Dopalift helped me stay awake during the day? Its hard to say what is helping when I am taking so many things! That's one thing I don't care for about treating lyme, there is never just 1-2 things to take, it takes many supplements to kill off these bacteria!

Now that I am back home, away from other people, I can finally sleep! I was so tired this afternoon I fell asleep for about 30-45 minutes. I never do that. I crash in the afternoon if I am busy or stressed, but I never sleep. After this nap, I don't feel refreshed, I just feel the need for more! Ugh, the struggle.
Because I am so tired, I know this post has mistakes I missed, I apologize for that...

Until tomorrow, goodnight
Cinchona tea is calling me...