On The Bright Side
You know how they say the sun will come out tomorrow? Even when its been raining for weeks and weeks? Turns out there may be a sliver of truth in that. This weekend my sun came out :)
Ive slept well the last 2-3 nights and felt relaxed. No sign of anxiety or panic attacks. No shaking. No random fear of something I wouldn't normally fear. I even worked on some things I haven't had the energy to work on.
I felt peace
I had really come to miss this feeling and now I remember why. I have lot more energy and a lot more positive thought when my mind is at ease!! I had forgotten what it was like to not feel a vortex going through my mind. I started yet another new supplement last week called NeuroCalm by Designs for Health, it may be whats helping my brain relax and only go 0-60 instead of 0-90.
I find supplements can help my brain for a while but usually there will come a time they no longer help. Its a waiting game to see if I hold this nice peaceful feeling for the longterm or if this weekend was a nice God given break.
Even if I stay feeling this well I will still be seeing the new doctor next month. The doctor can find out why and what else to do to fix it instead of control it.
But boy it is a nice feeling to sleep hard, dream, wake up, and feel the new day
I usually sleep about as well as a dog speaks english. Just doesn't happen. SO my day usually feels about like a week, because I never feel the reset of sleep. So allllll those days of the week really just feel like one extra long day.
To wake up and feel reset AND refreshed....I forgot this feeling. Completely forgot. The last few days have been nice!
I can already feel that I won't be awake much longer tonight. Normally when I night blog its a sign of an impending loooong night.
But hey theres more!
I had the energy and brain cells to work on my car! And enjoy it! I did run out of steam but I didn't care because I had the steam to do it in the first place!
I had a great conversation on the phone today with my best friend and he gave me some good news that I had been praying for all week, and truthfully thought I would be praying for for an extended or potentially indefinite amount of time. He's going through a lot right now and this week was a truck load, but good things are getting closer for him. He just doesn't see it yet (no he doesn't read my blog so this isn't my secret way of sneaking in encouraging words into his mind LOL).
School work too, Ive gotten some things done early and Ive been able to work hard (or at least feel like I am working hard) on some homework and studying.
I have been dreaming a lot lately. Living off in space in a world I wish existed. Sometimes I see this world as my goal for when I can do more than just the average daily living. Other days I see this dream as only a dream. Today my dreams seem more real, like it really can be possible to sleep at night, wake up with a smile, enjoy going to work, enjoy going to school, make new friends, and get back into some things I thought were long gone.
I did some stretching today with a friend of mine, her and I had a blast hanging out. She's a recovered depressed person who has recently started making her life what she wants it to be. She's been a close friend with me for the last year and a half. Today we both got to enjoy life together and that was a nice feeling and a fun adventure.
Exercise is one thing I do long to get back to. I miss stretching and gymnastics, its been seven years or so since Ive done either. I do stretch myself on the floor every so often but rarely in any significance. If the new clinic can help my brain out and I can finally get closer to the end of my Lyme Fight, maybe exercise will leave my dream world and become part of my real world
Showing posts with label energy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label energy. Show all posts
Sunday, November 4, 2018
Tuesday, August 14, 2018
Finishing the Week
Im sorry I never followed up on the following visits like I usually do day to day. I just didn't feel like putting energy into writing, but I did feel very well the whole week. Pretty much for the first time ever.
Day 2!
I did not sleep so great the night before, i was awake most of the night because I just couldn't sleep. OCD and negative thoughts were racing through my head, sleep just doesn't happen on those nights. Plenty of crying yes, sleeping? nah.
So I talked to the doctor about those things and sleep and brain issues.
First off he put me right back on several things he had taken me off. So my break off of a ton of supplements was short lived.
He replaced 3 things I was taking with 1-2 things instead, this new stuff should work better than what I had been taken before. They also should not be permanent, they should be working to fix the problem whereas the few items before were as needed (which became as needed everyday).
We also worked again on neurotransmitters to replace something else I had been taking. Neurotransmitters are used for brain power, sleeping, waking up, thought control, concentrating, basically anything and everything your brain does. My neurotransmitters aren't in the greatest shape which could also lead to me not feeling hungry like a normal person would and it would also leave me awake at night.
We primarily worked on dopamine, serotonin and GABA plus one of the adrenal hormones called norepinephrine.
Dopamine is your brain power, no dopamine = no energy to think or become motivated. GABA is what turns the brain off at night to sleep ( chances are if you have racing thoughts at night or even all the time, not enough GABA in your system). Then Serotonin which is for mood control and its the natural anti depressant your body makes, at night your body turns serotonin into melatonin to sleep.
Since I don't sleep, I have racing thoughts, brain fog, and sometimes absolutely zero motivation I thought these things matched my symptoms rather well.
First off he put me right back on several things he had taken me off. So my break off of a ton of supplements was short lived.
He replaced 3 things I was taking with 1-2 things instead, this new stuff should work better than what I had been taken before. They also should not be permanent, they should be working to fix the problem whereas the few items before were as needed (which became as needed everyday).
We also worked again on neurotransmitters to replace something else I had been taking. Neurotransmitters are used for brain power, sleeping, waking up, thought control, concentrating, basically anything and everything your brain does. My neurotransmitters aren't in the greatest shape which could also lead to me not feeling hungry like a normal person would and it would also leave me awake at night.
We primarily worked on dopamine, serotonin and GABA plus one of the adrenal hormones called norepinephrine.
Dopamine is your brain power, no dopamine = no energy to think or become motivated. GABA is what turns the brain off at night to sleep ( chances are if you have racing thoughts at night or even all the time, not enough GABA in your system). Then Serotonin which is for mood control and its the natural anti depressant your body makes, at night your body turns serotonin into melatonin to sleep.
Since I don't sleep, I have racing thoughts, brain fog, and sometimes absolutely zero motivation I thought these things matched my symptoms rather well.
Unfortunately this wasn't as easy to correct as the eosoniphils on the first day. He added in 6 new things for me to take, two of which replaced 3 things I had been taking. So a little bit of consolidation did happen, just not as much as I would have appreciated....
Day 3!
I slept extremely hard last night and have felt pretty well all day today, which is unusual while im here. This evening I even spent some time out by the pool which I have only ever done once before, usually in the evening I'm too tired to get off the couch.
I slept extremely hard last night and have felt pretty well all day today, which is unusual while im here. This evening I even spent some time out by the pool which I have only ever done once before, usually in the evening I'm too tired to get off the couch.
In my doctors appointment today we actually ran short, we ran out of problems to work on so I was finished with the doctor early. Not the worst problem to have!
My doctor spent most of our appointment doing chiropractic work, adjusting this and torquing that. I am much less tense after all his beating around.
As far as treatment goes, only 1 new thing today. Through his testing he found an issue with my gut+brain connection.
He found an issue in my amygdala, which is the part of the brain that stores trauma. In my gut he found an infection called toxoplasmosis, which is typically carried by ticks and cats. It can be opportunistic.
In this he determined what was happening between my stomach and brain was that the infection in my gut was setting off a traumatic reaction in my brain, working as a signal to tell my stomach to not accept food. He made a homeopathic remedy to get rid of the infection and to balance out the disconnect, so in theory this could also be a big game changer as far as how i get to eat.
When all these new things start working and getting into my system I may finally be able to eat again.
My doctor spent most of our appointment doing chiropractic work, adjusting this and torquing that. I am much less tense after all his beating around.
As far as treatment goes, only 1 new thing today. Through his testing he found an issue with my gut+brain connection.
He found an issue in my amygdala, which is the part of the brain that stores trauma. In my gut he found an infection called toxoplasmosis, which is typically carried by ticks and cats. It can be opportunistic.
In this he determined what was happening between my stomach and brain was that the infection in my gut was setting off a traumatic reaction in my brain, working as a signal to tell my stomach to not accept food. He made a homeopathic remedy to get rid of the infection and to balance out the disconnect, so in theory this could also be a big game changer as far as how i get to eat.
When all these new things start working and getting into my system I may finally be able to eat again.
Day 4-5
Yesterday and today were both easy doctor visits. Both were a bit on the shorter side.
Yesterday he used something called neurophotonic therapy. He's used this therapy for me before on my first and second visit to the clinic two years ago.
Basically this therapy is a test and a treatment mixed into one. The test is to check how money body processes different wavelengths of light, he used red, blue, green, yellow, orange, and pink. While my body body is processing the light, the doctor runs his tests to see which nerve signals misfire. He finds the misfires and treats them with homeopathics, single doses in office.
This is one of those things that sounds much more complicated than it is, but it does have a profound effect on the nervous system and how it functions. I do not know enough about it to give a detailed explanation, I may have posted about it on visit number 1-2 a few years ago.
So yesterday I did not receive any more remedies to take home.
Yesterday he used something called neurophotonic therapy. He's used this therapy for me before on my first and second visit to the clinic two years ago.
Basically this therapy is a test and a treatment mixed into one. The test is to check how money body processes different wavelengths of light, he used red, blue, green, yellow, orange, and pink. While my body body is processing the light, the doctor runs his tests to see which nerve signals misfire. He finds the misfires and treats them with homeopathics, single doses in office.
This is one of those things that sounds much more complicated than it is, but it does have a profound effect on the nervous system and how it functions. I do not know enough about it to give a detailed explanation, I may have posted about it on visit number 1-2 a few years ago.
So yesterday I did not receive any more remedies to take home.
On the last day we did neurophotonic therapy again along with some more work on my gut.
He found that my spleen was not functioning up to par, which could also affect digestion. He found a couple other minor imbalances with my brain and stomach on top of the spleen, nothing terribly profound though. He gave me two new supplements to take home this time but these are chinese medicine herbals. So for anyone who knows about chinese medicine you'll know these are very strong and very different from standard homeopathic medicine and regular over the counter supplements. Any one whose taken them before can also tell you, they don't taste so great either. Kinda like mixing dirt and alcohol, add in some bitterness, pretty close to what this stuff taste like.
The neurophotonic therapy today was mildly different from yesterday, today he focused on neurology for sleep. So today when he did this therapy he focused on balancing out brain waves so that I will sleep deeper. He had me take a bunch of single doses of homeopathic to correct these imbalances, nothing to take home though.
He found that my spleen was not functioning up to par, which could also affect digestion. He found a couple other minor imbalances with my brain and stomach on top of the spleen, nothing terribly profound though. He gave me two new supplements to take home this time but these are chinese medicine herbals. So for anyone who knows about chinese medicine you'll know these are very strong and very different from standard homeopathic medicine and regular over the counter supplements. Any one whose taken them before can also tell you, they don't taste so great either. Kinda like mixing dirt and alcohol, add in some bitterness, pretty close to what this stuff taste like.
The neurophotonic therapy today was mildly different from yesterday, today he focused on neurology for sleep. So today when he did this therapy he focused on balancing out brain waves so that I will sleep deeper. He had me take a bunch of single doses of homeopathic to correct these imbalances, nothing to take home though.
I have a long list of supplements to take for the next two months but once again, even though its a lot everything is at a lower dose than in the past. Most of my supplements are just once a day instead of twice a day and at they, most are either 1 dropper or 1 tablet instead of multiple. Even though I still have a lot to take it definitely is not in the same way it has been in the past.
Our goal is for me not to need to go back to the clinic until March next year. My doctor thinks I can make it that long with how I have been progressing.
Our goal is for me not to need to go back to the clinic until March next year. My doctor thinks I can make it that long with how I have been progressing.
Overall I am feeling much much better than I have been after my last few visits. I actually had energy to use once I made it home this evening, I normally have none left after a long week at the clinic.
I had a lot more energy to work with this week and I have felt more stable than I normally do after treatment. I still had to rest a lot but not as much as in the past.
I am pleased with the results from this visit. Very pleased!
I had a lot more energy to work with this week and I have felt more stable than I normally do after treatment. I still had to rest a lot but not as much as in the past.
I am pleased with the results from this visit. Very pleased!
Tuesday, April 10, 2018
Oh Where has my Hamster Gone?
Anyone seen my hamster running around? I think he jumped off the wheel and just wandered away. Long vacation perhaps?
Anyway, brain fog has been present lately but not the worst it has been. Sudden sadness that comes spontaneously has also been showing itself whole lot more than I appreciate.
It can happen at work, school, home, or with friends. It doesn't matter to my brain what I am doing or who I am with.
What causes this? ugh. I know, its one of those things that just is what it is for the time being. It is just so difficult to deal with life when sadness creeps up on me making me feel like crying and hiding. It makes me paranoid of the people around me, friends or not. The paranoia that everyone around me dislikes me or pretends to tolerate me just to be nice, is a rather taxing emotion. I like to tell myself it is just paranoia, but sometimes I don't know.
Work has risen back onto the stress spectrum once again. Every time I think something in my life is returning to normal-boom-wrong I am. I have found myself sticking up for another coworker who is, in my opinion, not entirely being treated as she should. Due to the paranoia, I can't tell if I am right or not. On top of that I find myself doing other peoples work so things don't get piled up. Whats worse, the slackers in the office are family members to the bosses. Naturally.
It will be a temporary issue, either someone sets them straight or I hand in my two weeks notice and walk on out the door. Its the stress factor that bothers me and causes me issues, not the work itself. I have not had to do any ridiculous amount of work to pickup for the slackers. I have however found myself annoyed by their corner cutting. but because its their family....its a waste trying to get the laziness resolved.
Needless to say, I find myself uncomfortable at work when it used to be my second home. For me its a big deal to be uncomfortable, I feel shut down and my brain just doesn't function a whole lot. With all the issues going on in my head and body...I have to have that connection where I am.
Often times at work or school I feel like its just me, other people are around but almost in another dimension. I just float through it all until I find myself back at home, alone in my bed.
I wish I never needed or wanted to leave my room. Even being around the people I love I just don't feel the bond I used to have, why? I used to love work, I loved doing well in school, and I loved going out with my friends. That was kinda my life for a long time but now, where did it go?
Ughh.
My heart rate is beginning to rise again. I can feel it. My fingers feel swollen sometimes especially in the tips. And my fitbit says my average heart rate is higher than it was last week.
This hasn't even been a stressful week! I have felt fairly well. Only a few sad teary moments. I have actually had a fair bit of energy to play around with and on top of that, minimal pain. Thats huge for me to have energy.
Hm. One day this will all be resolved and my body will function well enough for me to be a so called normal human.
Anyway, for now-
Dear Mr.Hamster,
If you get this post could you come home? I miss you making all the gears in my brain turn. I need that in my life.
Love, your old hamster wheel.
Anyway, brain fog has been present lately but not the worst it has been. Sudden sadness that comes spontaneously has also been showing itself whole lot more than I appreciate.
It can happen at work, school, home, or with friends. It doesn't matter to my brain what I am doing or who I am with.
What causes this? ugh. I know, its one of those things that just is what it is for the time being. It is just so difficult to deal with life when sadness creeps up on me making me feel like crying and hiding. It makes me paranoid of the people around me, friends or not. The paranoia that everyone around me dislikes me or pretends to tolerate me just to be nice, is a rather taxing emotion. I like to tell myself it is just paranoia, but sometimes I don't know.
Work has risen back onto the stress spectrum once again. Every time I think something in my life is returning to normal-boom-wrong I am. I have found myself sticking up for another coworker who is, in my opinion, not entirely being treated as she should. Due to the paranoia, I can't tell if I am right or not. On top of that I find myself doing other peoples work so things don't get piled up. Whats worse, the slackers in the office are family members to the bosses. Naturally.
It will be a temporary issue, either someone sets them straight or I hand in my two weeks notice and walk on out the door. Its the stress factor that bothers me and causes me issues, not the work itself. I have not had to do any ridiculous amount of work to pickup for the slackers. I have however found myself annoyed by their corner cutting. but because its their family....its a waste trying to get the laziness resolved.
Needless to say, I find myself uncomfortable at work when it used to be my second home. For me its a big deal to be uncomfortable, I feel shut down and my brain just doesn't function a whole lot. With all the issues going on in my head and body...I have to have that connection where I am.
Often times at work or school I feel like its just me, other people are around but almost in another dimension. I just float through it all until I find myself back at home, alone in my bed.
I wish I never needed or wanted to leave my room. Even being around the people I love I just don't feel the bond I used to have, why? I used to love work, I loved doing well in school, and I loved going out with my friends. That was kinda my life for a long time but now, where did it go?
Ughh.
My heart rate is beginning to rise again. I can feel it. My fingers feel swollen sometimes especially in the tips. And my fitbit says my average heart rate is higher than it was last week.
This hasn't even been a stressful week! I have felt fairly well. Only a few sad teary moments. I have actually had a fair bit of energy to play around with and on top of that, minimal pain. Thats huge for me to have energy.
Hm. One day this will all be resolved and my body will function well enough for me to be a so called normal human.
Anyway, for now-
Dear Mr.Hamster,
If you get this post could you come home? I miss you making all the gears in my brain turn. I need that in my life.
Love, your old hamster wheel.
Friday, March 23, 2018
I Miss My Old Lyme-Wait What?
Tonight the stress of this whole week has finally caught up to me. I miss the beginning of the week when I had some energy and brain power. I miss sleeping beside my best friend and having a companion. I miss having new test results to cheer me up about my future. I miss the peace I had.
I am back home from Kansas, we flew back home this afternoon. Flying always makes me tired no matter how long or short it is. I kept myself well entertained on the plane with Amazon Instant video, I think I have watched every episode of Top Gear UK ever at this point.
I held up fairly well but now that I am home and done for the day I am fried and emotional. I don't want to be alone. I am tired. I need to eat but I can't which means I can't take one of my new supplements, I don't want to skip doses so soon on a new protocol. just can't do it tonight though. I am too tired to do anymore.
Whats ridiculous is that I am always too tired to do what I want to do but I am never so tired that my brain cannot run wild. I have never been so tired that my brain would stop being paranoid, stressed, or alone feeling. I spent days this week with my best friend, the only time he was more than 5 feet away from me this week was when I was in massage. He was beside me through everything else, my dr knows him now and knows how important having him there with me was. In my life right now, going to the clinic and meeting my doctor is about as personal as you could get with me.
Having my best friend there kept me sane. I never went stir crazy in the hotel room or felt alone or trapped. We kept ourselves fairly entertained with netflix and movies.
We even went to the junkyard on tuesday and found parts for my Volvo. I wouldn't have done that without him being there. PS if you own an old Volvo parts for them are few and far between. This was the only junkyard out of the 9 i called that had one car with two parts on it I could use.
In the evenings we would go to Happy hour in the hotel lobby to get out of the room and be around other people. He would get a soda and I would ask for a soda still in the can, then I would keep it so my friend could drink it later.
We kept from getting bored while just sitting around for most of the day. We even explored Target for a little bit once.
This made all of the difference in the world for me, I really needed a friend with me. The last few visits to the clinic I have gone stir crazy from sitting around the hotel room but having no energy to do anything. I was relaxed this week. All was well in my world.
When my friend left yesterday morning and I was back to the usual routine, the stir crazy came back. During the evening I was alone in the room for about an hour. I packed, cleaned the kitchen, and paced the room because I just could not just sit down with my thoughts for another second. I finally gave up and found something to watch that worked good enough as a distraction. But it was hard.
This morning I had to keep moving because of the tight schedule of checking out of the hotel, going to the clinic, then catching an airplane, so I have not had time to think until now.
Until last year when I broke I never needed constant support. I never needed my hand held. I was strong. I was lyme strong. I had lived through burning and searing pain, nightmares, days without sleep, days without friends, nausea, I fought it and I would win.
Now I never want to be alone, I can feel alone in a crowded room, I want someone to hold my hand and walk with me through this. I do not connect with just anyone, theres very very few people I feel all that close to or I trust.
I miss how I used to be sick. I would be tired but calm, so no matter how horrible I felt I could just stay in bed watching tv. I could go get an IV and life would somewhat improve for at least a short time( i just had to make it through the die off period). In the hotel at the clinic I used to be okay with just loafing with the tv remote because I did not feel like doing anything.
I would find something to do, text, read, blog. It was all good. I didn't necessarily enjoy how I felt or anything like that but I could make life happen with how I was then.
I can't always make life happen that easily when my brain goes out. The last month I have lived through pretty well. I mean school is going well, I bought a project car to fix up myself and sell(previously mentioned Volvo), sleeping hasn't been the hardest thing ever, paranoia has been on the low.
I have had a few not so good moments where I over did it. One afternoon when I was home alone, I walked down to the kitchen to get a snack. Somewhere between getting food from the cabinet and walking to the counter I lost it. I cried and tears were rolling down my face, I was upset and angry, I felt alone and wanted help, it all came out of nowhere. I just fell apart in the middle of the afternoon on a regular day in the kitchen. That was a hard day. Since then I haven't had any major breakdowns until this evening.
Reading and blogging is not easy anymore. I have more thoughts to share than ever but I can't get them out because I am stuck in my own head. I have more energy to do physical things but I am still scatterbrained sometimes. I still slur things when I speak, sometimes I jumble a whole sentence into one messed up word. I don't like not being myself completely. Life has gotten a lot better but not yet normal...or at least a predictable equilibrium.
I still need someone to help me through this. Unfortunately everyone I know has their own life to live which often does not include me, so I find myself alone with my thoughts. Or alone with my Volvo, I had no idea a 1999 station wagon was capable of being such a good companion.
I keep praying that I am nearing the end of the lonely journey. It has gone on so long and just seems never ending.
I am back home from Kansas, we flew back home this afternoon. Flying always makes me tired no matter how long or short it is. I kept myself well entertained on the plane with Amazon Instant video, I think I have watched every episode of Top Gear UK ever at this point.
I held up fairly well but now that I am home and done for the day I am fried and emotional. I don't want to be alone. I am tired. I need to eat but I can't which means I can't take one of my new supplements, I don't want to skip doses so soon on a new protocol. just can't do it tonight though. I am too tired to do anymore.
Whats ridiculous is that I am always too tired to do what I want to do but I am never so tired that my brain cannot run wild. I have never been so tired that my brain would stop being paranoid, stressed, or alone feeling. I spent days this week with my best friend, the only time he was more than 5 feet away from me this week was when I was in massage. He was beside me through everything else, my dr knows him now and knows how important having him there with me was. In my life right now, going to the clinic and meeting my doctor is about as personal as you could get with me.
Having my best friend there kept me sane. I never went stir crazy in the hotel room or felt alone or trapped. We kept ourselves fairly entertained with netflix and movies.
We even went to the junkyard on tuesday and found parts for my Volvo. I wouldn't have done that without him being there. PS if you own an old Volvo parts for them are few and far between. This was the only junkyard out of the 9 i called that had one car with two parts on it I could use.
In the evenings we would go to Happy hour in the hotel lobby to get out of the room and be around other people. He would get a soda and I would ask for a soda still in the can, then I would keep it so my friend could drink it later.
We kept from getting bored while just sitting around for most of the day. We even explored Target for a little bit once.
This made all of the difference in the world for me, I really needed a friend with me. The last few visits to the clinic I have gone stir crazy from sitting around the hotel room but having no energy to do anything. I was relaxed this week. All was well in my world.
When my friend left yesterday morning and I was back to the usual routine, the stir crazy came back. During the evening I was alone in the room for about an hour. I packed, cleaned the kitchen, and paced the room because I just could not just sit down with my thoughts for another second. I finally gave up and found something to watch that worked good enough as a distraction. But it was hard.
This morning I had to keep moving because of the tight schedule of checking out of the hotel, going to the clinic, then catching an airplane, so I have not had time to think until now.
Until last year when I broke I never needed constant support. I never needed my hand held. I was strong. I was lyme strong. I had lived through burning and searing pain, nightmares, days without sleep, days without friends, nausea, I fought it and I would win.
Now I never want to be alone, I can feel alone in a crowded room, I want someone to hold my hand and walk with me through this. I do not connect with just anyone, theres very very few people I feel all that close to or I trust.
I miss how I used to be sick. I would be tired but calm, so no matter how horrible I felt I could just stay in bed watching tv. I could go get an IV and life would somewhat improve for at least a short time( i just had to make it through the die off period). In the hotel at the clinic I used to be okay with just loafing with the tv remote because I did not feel like doing anything.
I would find something to do, text, read, blog. It was all good. I didn't necessarily enjoy how I felt or anything like that but I could make life happen with how I was then.
I can't always make life happen that easily when my brain goes out. The last month I have lived through pretty well. I mean school is going well, I bought a project car to fix up myself and sell(previously mentioned Volvo), sleeping hasn't been the hardest thing ever, paranoia has been on the low.
I have had a few not so good moments where I over did it. One afternoon when I was home alone, I walked down to the kitchen to get a snack. Somewhere between getting food from the cabinet and walking to the counter I lost it. I cried and tears were rolling down my face, I was upset and angry, I felt alone and wanted help, it all came out of nowhere. I just fell apart in the middle of the afternoon on a regular day in the kitchen. That was a hard day. Since then I haven't had any major breakdowns until this evening.
Reading and blogging is not easy anymore. I have more thoughts to share than ever but I can't get them out because I am stuck in my own head. I have more energy to do physical things but I am still scatterbrained sometimes. I still slur things when I speak, sometimes I jumble a whole sentence into one messed up word. I don't like not being myself completely. Life has gotten a lot better but not yet normal...or at least a predictable equilibrium.
I still need someone to help me through this. Unfortunately everyone I know has their own life to live which often does not include me, so I find myself alone with my thoughts. Or alone with my Volvo, I had no idea a 1999 station wagon was capable of being such a good companion.
I keep praying that I am nearing the end of the lonely journey. It has gone on so long and just seems never ending.
Saturday, July 9, 2016
I Hurt and I'm Swollen
Today was fantastic
But all good things must come to an end. I helped throw a surprise party for a close friend of mine, I was part of the distraction. It went awesome! I had all the energy and focus I needed for the whole day. I was able to do math good enough to calculate how long we needed to be gone, time between stops on our car ride adventure, and miscellaneous things that came up. My brain worked for the day, can I tell you how great that is?
Words can't describe it. One thing is, if I didn't write this blog I wouldn't notice half the things I notice about myself. Today for example, I noticed I was holding up okay without any sort of hang ups. I didn't notice that my brain had cooperated that well until I started writing this post.
Repercussions have set in
I ate so much garbage, junk food. It's embarrassing to even admit all of that, but I did. And I am feeling it, my stomach is queasy, my back hurts, my energy is finished. Detoxing starts tomorrow haha
Lately I haven't been staying at my typical symptom levels...I have been more fatigues, my concentration has been off, I have been depressed on and off. Starting yesterday, my lymph nodes around my armpits have been swollen and painful.
While I was out cutting the grass yesterday, riding, the bouncing made my right lymph area feel like it was flopping around. It's hard to describe, but I could feel my skin stretch out and snap back. I am a thin person, I do not have anywhere on my body with enough meat or muscle to experience this, so this was new to me altogether.
My project of the week is to bring my swollen armpits back to normal. I've been using a roller bottle of oils, next I'm going to step up the detoxing and juicing. I'll report back!
All I can say at this point is, I am tired, my back hurts, my energy is finished, I ache and have pain all over, my sides(kidneys?) hurt, just several things going on...
It's time for bed!
But all good things must come to an end. I helped throw a surprise party for a close friend of mine, I was part of the distraction. It went awesome! I had all the energy and focus I needed for the whole day. I was able to do math good enough to calculate how long we needed to be gone, time between stops on our car ride adventure, and miscellaneous things that came up. My brain worked for the day, can I tell you how great that is?
Words can't describe it. One thing is, if I didn't write this blog I wouldn't notice half the things I notice about myself. Today for example, I noticed I was holding up okay without any sort of hang ups. I didn't notice that my brain had cooperated that well until I started writing this post.
Repercussions have set in
I ate so much garbage, junk food. It's embarrassing to even admit all of that, but I did. And I am feeling it, my stomach is queasy, my back hurts, my energy is finished. Detoxing starts tomorrow haha
Lately I haven't been staying at my typical symptom levels...I have been more fatigues, my concentration has been off, I have been depressed on and off. Starting yesterday, my lymph nodes around my armpits have been swollen and painful.
While I was out cutting the grass yesterday, riding, the bouncing made my right lymph area feel like it was flopping around. It's hard to describe, but I could feel my skin stretch out and snap back. I am a thin person, I do not have anywhere on my body with enough meat or muscle to experience this, so this was new to me altogether.
My project of the week is to bring my swollen armpits back to normal. I've been using a roller bottle of oils, next I'm going to step up the detoxing and juicing. I'll report back!
All I can say at this point is, I am tired, my back hurts, my energy is finished, I ache and have pain all over, my sides(kidneys?) hurt, just several things going on...
It's time for bed!
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Working Forward
Last week I posted that I had not yet reached a balance since coming home.
I am glad to say since the weekend I turned a corner. I feel great! I don't know what happened but since last weekend it's like someone flipped a switch. I have had the energy I need to do everything I want and then some everyday! This is amazing. I haven't felt like this in a many years. Being consistent too, that's even better,
Since coming home I have had a lot to catch up on. Usually it would take week so I catch up on whatever it is I felt behind in, but this time I'm moving much faster. Brain dog is still an issue and so is motivation. Energy is up and endurance is up. I have not had the drive or physical endurance to exercise. I want to but my body hasn't hit that point. It will though, I have faith.
My sleep which has always been the biggest issue is improved. At the member improved does not mean much, I sleep harder and solid. I do not get to sleep any sooner and when I do it's not by much. It is easier to get up in the morning most days, that's a plus. Now I just need to make a point to get up earlier to hopefully push my falling asleep time back. It's just the thought of losing sleep is so hard....I just have to start waking up earlier. It will work. Eventually.
I am glad to report-things are moving in an upward direction!
I am glad to say since the weekend I turned a corner. I feel great! I don't know what happened but since last weekend it's like someone flipped a switch. I have had the energy I need to do everything I want and then some everyday! This is amazing. I haven't felt like this in a many years. Being consistent too, that's even better,
Since coming home I have had a lot to catch up on. Usually it would take week so I catch up on whatever it is I felt behind in, but this time I'm moving much faster. Brain dog is still an issue and so is motivation. Energy is up and endurance is up. I have not had the drive or physical endurance to exercise. I want to but my body hasn't hit that point. It will though, I have faith.
My sleep which has always been the biggest issue is improved. At the member improved does not mean much, I sleep harder and solid. I do not get to sleep any sooner and when I do it's not by much. It is easier to get up in the morning most days, that's a plus. Now I just need to make a point to get up earlier to hopefully push my falling asleep time back. It's just the thought of losing sleep is so hard....I just have to start waking up earlier. It will work. Eventually.
I am glad to report-things are moving in an upward direction!
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