The time for seasons of my life to change has come once again. School is starting back this week. My best friend is leaving to live in Missouri tomorrow. Another friend of mine leaves the day after, then my sister leaves this weekend.
I will once again watch my life become engulfed in school assignments. Life will get busy and I won't be seeing my friends very often. My best friend moving 10 hours away has probably affected me the most. He is the person I go to for everything, he's my support, my encouragement, my safe place, and of course the person I have the most fun with ( I promise I have fun and do normal fun things with my friends). Now I will have very limited access to him. I don't handle big changes all that well, I am already a rather emotional person these days. My emotions run their own way without rhyme or reason more often than not, but with my best friend leaving...I have been a mess.
I am taking care of my best friends fish now that he's leaving. Last night he brought his tank and his one fish (Sherman) to my house about 11pm. We got it setup besides one of my tanks and I now have the honor of keeping Sherman for a long time to come.
My friend stayed a while at my house because we knew it would be one of the last times we could hang out, maybe even the last before he leaves. I felt horrible, this last weekend has been extremely stressful. I worked a full day. No sleep. The usual human complaints.
It was so great hanging out but we did reach the point where I had a breakdown. I just lost it and started crying and thats all I could do. I couldn't speak. All I could do was just cry harder. I felt so pathetic, why is everything such a big deal to me? But my best friend was there for me. He hugged me until I could finally speak again. I was so worn out I couldn't stand up anymore, I think the first words I spoke to him were something along the lines of "I have to sit, I can't stand any longer". At this point it was after 1AM, he needed to go home but I was delaying it with my emotional neediness.
He held onto me longer and told me he would walk me to my room to make sure I could walk up the stairs alright without blacking out or collapsing (that has been an issue this summer, which he has first hand witnessed).
And because he's awesome, he let me convince him into staying the night with me. So we both walked to bed and I got to keep him for the night. I felt horrible, I haven't slept well this weekend and ive been burning the candle at both ends, not a great combo for anyone no matter their health situation!
My friend stood by me and helped me through it. I couldn't have asked for anything more. It wasn't planned but hey, I needed someone and he wanted to be that someone. He dragged me on to bed so I could finally relax and get some rest for the first time in several days.
It means so much to me to have someone there for me like that when I get sick. I hate being alone when my mind and or body decide to plummet into a black hole. Just having a friend there for support takes a lot of the pressure and loneliness out of the picture. Having my best friend there for me is even better. That meant more to me than anything I could dream up, its not easy being the outsider in a sick persons life but he knows he to help me out.
One of the things that made this weekend so stressful was the death of my grandfather. Friday morning my grandmother called my mom to inform her that she found my grandfather on the bathroom floor, dead. It was a total shock. He was not in bad health. They were supposed to be going on a cruise tomorrow for their 60th anniversary.
This last weekend instead was used to plan his funeral, which was today. His death was hard for all of us to deal with. I think we are all still in shock that he is gone.
We had some awesome friends help us out and bring us all a meal for after the service. The family came back to our house after the service and our friends had all the food and tables setup and ready to go, I don't think we could have asked for anything more.
Nonetheless, this has been a weekend of sudden and lasting changes. Emotionally I am worn out, physically I need rest. This time, its not just me but the whole family thats in the same boat as I am.
Tuesday, August 14, 2018
Upon Exiting Kansas
My most recent trip to Kansas was one of the best and unique visits ever. Some good and some bad.
The good- I gained progress, I never felt absolutely drained dead of energy. I even went to the zoo! It was freaking hot so I did feel rather ill after that, but only for a little while. I have never had the energy to even think about going to the zoo or anything of the sort, this is monumental.
My doc didn't need to put me on a boatload of supplements this go round! I am on what an average person would call a lot of supplements, but to another lyme patient, not bad at all. I am also on a lower dosage of supplements, most of them are once a day! Im praying this does not change.
I was even more social than I have been in a while. Usually I am in and out of the clinic and I don't spend much time socializing, the siren song of the couch back in our hotel room is too strong.
One woman I met this last week I had met before. She complemented me on my shirt then said- Hey I remember you from last year, you are the one who was getting sicker and sicker instead of getting better. Then she spoke to me about what all had happened to me. She met me the week last March when I was at the clinic that I became so ill and went downhill, without ever fully recovering. I was impressed she remembered me, I remembered her face but that was about it. I was so sick that week...all I remember was the misery and bone crushing pain.
The bad-
My doctor and a few others left the clinic. I had no idea that this would be my last visit with my doctor! I got the email from the clinic about my doctor not too long after arriving back home. I was assured my doctor will continue in practice with the same level of care, just not at the Hansa Center. I am very grateful that I am feeling as well as I am feeling, because I do not want to have to go back for treatment anytime soon with such changes taking place. If I choose to go back to the clinic ill be assigned a new doctor, or I may wait a while and see if my doc shows up at another practice. For now, im gonna float in limbo.
The good- I gained progress, I never felt absolutely drained dead of energy. I even went to the zoo! It was freaking hot so I did feel rather ill after that, but only for a little while. I have never had the energy to even think about going to the zoo or anything of the sort, this is monumental.
My doc didn't need to put me on a boatload of supplements this go round! I am on what an average person would call a lot of supplements, but to another lyme patient, not bad at all. I am also on a lower dosage of supplements, most of them are once a day! Im praying this does not change.
I was even more social than I have been in a while. Usually I am in and out of the clinic and I don't spend much time socializing, the siren song of the couch back in our hotel room is too strong.
One woman I met this last week I had met before. She complemented me on my shirt then said- Hey I remember you from last year, you are the one who was getting sicker and sicker instead of getting better. Then she spoke to me about what all had happened to me. She met me the week last March when I was at the clinic that I became so ill and went downhill, without ever fully recovering. I was impressed she remembered me, I remembered her face but that was about it. I was so sick that week...all I remember was the misery and bone crushing pain.
The bad-
My doctor and a few others left the clinic. I had no idea that this would be my last visit with my doctor! I got the email from the clinic about my doctor not too long after arriving back home. I was assured my doctor will continue in practice with the same level of care, just not at the Hansa Center. I am very grateful that I am feeling as well as I am feeling, because I do not want to have to go back for treatment anytime soon with such changes taking place. If I choose to go back to the clinic ill be assigned a new doctor, or I may wait a while and see if my doc shows up at another practice. For now, im gonna float in limbo.
Finishing the Week
Im sorry I never followed up on the following visits like I usually do day to day. I just didn't feel like putting energy into writing, but I did feel very well the whole week. Pretty much for the first time ever.
Day 2!
I did not sleep so great the night before, i was awake most of the night because I just couldn't sleep. OCD and negative thoughts were racing through my head, sleep just doesn't happen on those nights. Plenty of crying yes, sleeping? nah.
So I talked to the doctor about those things and sleep and brain issues.
First off he put me right back on several things he had taken me off. So my break off of a ton of supplements was short lived.
He replaced 3 things I was taking with 1-2 things instead, this new stuff should work better than what I had been taken before. They also should not be permanent, they should be working to fix the problem whereas the few items before were as needed (which became as needed everyday).
We also worked again on neurotransmitters to replace something else I had been taking. Neurotransmitters are used for brain power, sleeping, waking up, thought control, concentrating, basically anything and everything your brain does. My neurotransmitters aren't in the greatest shape which could also lead to me not feeling hungry like a normal person would and it would also leave me awake at night.
We primarily worked on dopamine, serotonin and GABA plus one of the adrenal hormones called norepinephrine.
Dopamine is your brain power, no dopamine = no energy to think or become motivated. GABA is what turns the brain off at night to sleep ( chances are if you have racing thoughts at night or even all the time, not enough GABA in your system). Then Serotonin which is for mood control and its the natural anti depressant your body makes, at night your body turns serotonin into melatonin to sleep.
Since I don't sleep, I have racing thoughts, brain fog, and sometimes absolutely zero motivation I thought these things matched my symptoms rather well.
First off he put me right back on several things he had taken me off. So my break off of a ton of supplements was short lived.
He replaced 3 things I was taking with 1-2 things instead, this new stuff should work better than what I had been taken before. They also should not be permanent, they should be working to fix the problem whereas the few items before were as needed (which became as needed everyday).
We also worked again on neurotransmitters to replace something else I had been taking. Neurotransmitters are used for brain power, sleeping, waking up, thought control, concentrating, basically anything and everything your brain does. My neurotransmitters aren't in the greatest shape which could also lead to me not feeling hungry like a normal person would and it would also leave me awake at night.
We primarily worked on dopamine, serotonin and GABA plus one of the adrenal hormones called norepinephrine.
Dopamine is your brain power, no dopamine = no energy to think or become motivated. GABA is what turns the brain off at night to sleep ( chances are if you have racing thoughts at night or even all the time, not enough GABA in your system). Then Serotonin which is for mood control and its the natural anti depressant your body makes, at night your body turns serotonin into melatonin to sleep.
Since I don't sleep, I have racing thoughts, brain fog, and sometimes absolutely zero motivation I thought these things matched my symptoms rather well.
Unfortunately this wasn't as easy to correct as the eosoniphils on the first day. He added in 6 new things for me to take, two of which replaced 3 things I had been taking. So a little bit of consolidation did happen, just not as much as I would have appreciated....
Day 3!
I slept extremely hard last night and have felt pretty well all day today, which is unusual while im here. This evening I even spent some time out by the pool which I have only ever done once before, usually in the evening I'm too tired to get off the couch.
I slept extremely hard last night and have felt pretty well all day today, which is unusual while im here. This evening I even spent some time out by the pool which I have only ever done once before, usually in the evening I'm too tired to get off the couch.
In my doctors appointment today we actually ran short, we ran out of problems to work on so I was finished with the doctor early. Not the worst problem to have!
My doctor spent most of our appointment doing chiropractic work, adjusting this and torquing that. I am much less tense after all his beating around.
As far as treatment goes, only 1 new thing today. Through his testing he found an issue with my gut+brain connection.
He found an issue in my amygdala, which is the part of the brain that stores trauma. In my gut he found an infection called toxoplasmosis, which is typically carried by ticks and cats. It can be opportunistic.
In this he determined what was happening between my stomach and brain was that the infection in my gut was setting off a traumatic reaction in my brain, working as a signal to tell my stomach to not accept food. He made a homeopathic remedy to get rid of the infection and to balance out the disconnect, so in theory this could also be a big game changer as far as how i get to eat.
When all these new things start working and getting into my system I may finally be able to eat again.
My doctor spent most of our appointment doing chiropractic work, adjusting this and torquing that. I am much less tense after all his beating around.
As far as treatment goes, only 1 new thing today. Through his testing he found an issue with my gut+brain connection.
He found an issue in my amygdala, which is the part of the brain that stores trauma. In my gut he found an infection called toxoplasmosis, which is typically carried by ticks and cats. It can be opportunistic.
In this he determined what was happening between my stomach and brain was that the infection in my gut was setting off a traumatic reaction in my brain, working as a signal to tell my stomach to not accept food. He made a homeopathic remedy to get rid of the infection and to balance out the disconnect, so in theory this could also be a big game changer as far as how i get to eat.
When all these new things start working and getting into my system I may finally be able to eat again.
Day 4-5
Yesterday and today were both easy doctor visits. Both were a bit on the shorter side.
Yesterday he used something called neurophotonic therapy. He's used this therapy for me before on my first and second visit to the clinic two years ago.
Basically this therapy is a test and a treatment mixed into one. The test is to check how money body processes different wavelengths of light, he used red, blue, green, yellow, orange, and pink. While my body body is processing the light, the doctor runs his tests to see which nerve signals misfire. He finds the misfires and treats them with homeopathics, single doses in office.
This is one of those things that sounds much more complicated than it is, but it does have a profound effect on the nervous system and how it functions. I do not know enough about it to give a detailed explanation, I may have posted about it on visit number 1-2 a few years ago.
So yesterday I did not receive any more remedies to take home.
Yesterday he used something called neurophotonic therapy. He's used this therapy for me before on my first and second visit to the clinic two years ago.
Basically this therapy is a test and a treatment mixed into one. The test is to check how money body processes different wavelengths of light, he used red, blue, green, yellow, orange, and pink. While my body body is processing the light, the doctor runs his tests to see which nerve signals misfire. He finds the misfires and treats them with homeopathics, single doses in office.
This is one of those things that sounds much more complicated than it is, but it does have a profound effect on the nervous system and how it functions. I do not know enough about it to give a detailed explanation, I may have posted about it on visit number 1-2 a few years ago.
So yesterday I did not receive any more remedies to take home.
On the last day we did neurophotonic therapy again along with some more work on my gut.
He found that my spleen was not functioning up to par, which could also affect digestion. He found a couple other minor imbalances with my brain and stomach on top of the spleen, nothing terribly profound though. He gave me two new supplements to take home this time but these are chinese medicine herbals. So for anyone who knows about chinese medicine you'll know these are very strong and very different from standard homeopathic medicine and regular over the counter supplements. Any one whose taken them before can also tell you, they don't taste so great either. Kinda like mixing dirt and alcohol, add in some bitterness, pretty close to what this stuff taste like.
The neurophotonic therapy today was mildly different from yesterday, today he focused on neurology for sleep. So today when he did this therapy he focused on balancing out brain waves so that I will sleep deeper. He had me take a bunch of single doses of homeopathic to correct these imbalances, nothing to take home though.
He found that my spleen was not functioning up to par, which could also affect digestion. He found a couple other minor imbalances with my brain and stomach on top of the spleen, nothing terribly profound though. He gave me two new supplements to take home this time but these are chinese medicine herbals. So for anyone who knows about chinese medicine you'll know these are very strong and very different from standard homeopathic medicine and regular over the counter supplements. Any one whose taken them before can also tell you, they don't taste so great either. Kinda like mixing dirt and alcohol, add in some bitterness, pretty close to what this stuff taste like.
The neurophotonic therapy today was mildly different from yesterday, today he focused on neurology for sleep. So today when he did this therapy he focused on balancing out brain waves so that I will sleep deeper. He had me take a bunch of single doses of homeopathic to correct these imbalances, nothing to take home though.
I have a long list of supplements to take for the next two months but once again, even though its a lot everything is at a lower dose than in the past. Most of my supplements are just once a day instead of twice a day and at they, most are either 1 dropper or 1 tablet instead of multiple. Even though I still have a lot to take it definitely is not in the same way it has been in the past.
Our goal is for me not to need to go back to the clinic until March next year. My doctor thinks I can make it that long with how I have been progressing.
Our goal is for me not to need to go back to the clinic until March next year. My doctor thinks I can make it that long with how I have been progressing.
Overall I am feeling much much better than I have been after my last few visits. I actually had energy to use once I made it home this evening, I normally have none left after a long week at the clinic.
I had a lot more energy to work with this week and I have felt more stable than I normally do after treatment. I still had to rest a lot but not as much as in the past.
I am pleased with the results from this visit. Very pleased!
I had a lot more energy to work with this week and I have felt more stable than I normally do after treatment. I still had to rest a lot but not as much as in the past.
I am pleased with the results from this visit. Very pleased!
Tuesday, July 31, 2018
First Day
Im back at the clinic! It was a strenuous process to get here but hey we made it.
Yesterday was my first day seeing the Doctor again. We did the usual, going over blood work and test results then following up with some kind of plan. It’s all become rather routine at this point.
My blood work made some excellent improvements in some areas, Iron and ferritin are both back in range for the first time(maybe ever), vitami. d is great, blood cells are normal, and a few other good things.
Albumin is high, alt is high, easoniphils haven’t budged, and cholesterol still doesn’t want to improve .
We think we may have an answer to some of my gut issues though. My doctor thinks I may have easinophilic esophagitis, which would be an over abundance of easoniphils in my throat and stomach. Which would be why swallowig, eating, and all of that is very difficult. We believe it may have been strep induced at some point in time. Causing an autoimmune type reaction.
So yesterday he took me off all of my supplements and put me on just one thing. It’s a homeopathic for correcting easoniphils specific.
We’ve done parasite treatment in the past and allergy treatment, which are usually the causes of eosinophils being elevated. This time we are trying something different, treating the response instead of a potential cause.
In other news, I am not showing any signs of parasites this go round and I didn’t last round either. So seems to be I may have made some standing progress in the wormy department.
Cellular hydration was something else we talked about yesterday and will be working on throughout the week. Something showed up on my blood work and I’m my symptoms that made my doctor think I may not be absorbing water like I’m supposed to, even though I drink like a fish.
This could also be contributing to my dizziness. Cellular hydration isn’t something I’ve spoken about too much, it’s not necessarily an everyday sort of thing. But in the event of an auto immune disease, hey anything goes.
Yesterday was my first day seeing the Doctor again. We did the usual, going over blood work and test results then following up with some kind of plan. It’s all become rather routine at this point.
My blood work made some excellent improvements in some areas, Iron and ferritin are both back in range for the first time(maybe ever), vitami. d is great, blood cells are normal, and a few other good things.
Albumin is high, alt is high, easoniphils haven’t budged, and cholesterol still doesn’t want to improve .
We think we may have an answer to some of my gut issues though. My doctor thinks I may have easinophilic esophagitis, which would be an over abundance of easoniphils in my throat and stomach. Which would be why swallowig, eating, and all of that is very difficult. We believe it may have been strep induced at some point in time. Causing an autoimmune type reaction.
So yesterday he took me off all of my supplements and put me on just one thing. It’s a homeopathic for correcting easoniphils specific.
We’ve done parasite treatment in the past and allergy treatment, which are usually the causes of eosinophils being elevated. This time we are trying something different, treating the response instead of a potential cause.
In other news, I am not showing any signs of parasites this go round and I didn’t last round either. So seems to be I may have made some standing progress in the wormy department.
Cellular hydration was something else we talked about yesterday and will be working on throughout the week. Something showed up on my blood work and I’m my symptoms that made my doctor think I may not be absorbing water like I’m supposed to, even though I drink like a fish.
This could also be contributing to my dizziness. Cellular hydration isn’t something I’ve spoken about too much, it’s not necessarily an everyday sort of thing. But in the event of an auto immune disease, hey anything goes.
Saturday, July 28, 2018
Into the Valley
Hi all, im sorry for being so quiet lately. So so so much has been going on in my life over the last few weeks.
Work has been crazy busy, which is great. My energy has held up and I've been able to stay active through this time. I love being able to do that, this week I've even worked through lunch all 4 days this week. I don't do that often and usually I appreciate having the break but this week, the opportunity was there to keep going and I wanted to take it.
Tomorrow is the day for me to fly back to Kansas so that I can see my doctor on Monday. I think this week will bring great results. I have high hopes. But, as the usual goes...I will feel worse before feeling better. This thought is always daunting, I never know the severity of whats to come. Ive been doing so well the last few weeks I almost hate to mess with it, but at the same time...on a scale of very sick to normal human function, I'm still below normal human function. Dizziness, heart palpitations, nausea, headaches, and even nearly blacking out have been normal symptoms lately. Ive dropped to my knees many times over the last few weeks because I all the sudden become too weak to stand anymore. Not good. So without a doubt I need to see my doctor.
The uncertainty does scare me though. I don't like being able to look at my calendar today and say 3 days from todays post I will feel significantly worse than I do right now. It just seems wrong that I am literally planning for myself to become sick, because treatment will have begun.
I don't like being able to look on my calendar and say from Tuesday on, ill feel sicker than normal and its just gonna stay that way. Same for Saturday, the day after flying home I always feel worse and end up in a funk. I just...I don't like that feeling.
I have had several tests performed recently. Full autoimmune panel and a full adrenal and hormone test, all came back well. Adrenals are just barely out of range upon waking and my DHEA is a little high, other than that I passed everything with flying colors. Only if my body knew how well I was doing, that would be great.
I have a lot more to post, but unfortunately I also have a lot more to pack so I have to sign off for now. Ill be posting more this week to keep you all updated on my week with the doctor.
Work has been crazy busy, which is great. My energy has held up and I've been able to stay active through this time. I love being able to do that, this week I've even worked through lunch all 4 days this week. I don't do that often and usually I appreciate having the break but this week, the opportunity was there to keep going and I wanted to take it.
Tomorrow is the day for me to fly back to Kansas so that I can see my doctor on Monday. I think this week will bring great results. I have high hopes. But, as the usual goes...I will feel worse before feeling better. This thought is always daunting, I never know the severity of whats to come. Ive been doing so well the last few weeks I almost hate to mess with it, but at the same time...on a scale of very sick to normal human function, I'm still below normal human function. Dizziness, heart palpitations, nausea, headaches, and even nearly blacking out have been normal symptoms lately. Ive dropped to my knees many times over the last few weeks because I all the sudden become too weak to stand anymore. Not good. So without a doubt I need to see my doctor.
The uncertainty does scare me though. I don't like being able to look at my calendar today and say 3 days from todays post I will feel significantly worse than I do right now. It just seems wrong that I am literally planning for myself to become sick, because treatment will have begun.
I don't like being able to look on my calendar and say from Tuesday on, ill feel sicker than normal and its just gonna stay that way. Same for Saturday, the day after flying home I always feel worse and end up in a funk. I just...I don't like that feeling.
I have had several tests performed recently. Full autoimmune panel and a full adrenal and hormone test, all came back well. Adrenals are just barely out of range upon waking and my DHEA is a little high, other than that I passed everything with flying colors. Only if my body knew how well I was doing, that would be great.
I have a lot more to post, but unfortunately I also have a lot more to pack so I have to sign off for now. Ill be posting more this week to keep you all updated on my week with the doctor.
Wednesday, June 6, 2018
Snow Globe Syndrome
Do you guys ever feel like you are living in a bubble? I sure do. All the time, more so lately than ever. I just cannot figure out when I walked out of reality into my own little bubble for one.
I feel like I can only see whats going on around me, never actually touching the outside world. I know others can see me but its like no one can get any closer than just out of reach.
I call it Snow Globe syndrome. I can see out into the real world from my own bubble and every one else can see in, but theres this thin layer that creates a divide between the two world. Each world just barely out of reach from the other.
I often find myself on the sidelines watching others. I watch what everyone else is doing. I know whats happening its right in front of me after all. I don't understand it though, its a world out there that I no longer comprehend. Its just me in my own little snow globe, watching my friends and family do regular human activities bringing them enjoyment. Ive reached the point where I don't even understand how some activities can create enjoyment, like whats the point?
People have tried to reach into my little bubble and I always reach out. I hope that this will be the time that someone rescues me from my own little world. Unfortunately it usually ends in me getting dropped back into the snow globe even rougher than the time before. Its like I can reach so far and just start to feel the other side, what its like to be normal, then I slip and fall. Back to the bottom.
I don't know what to do, Im not sure who to reach out to. Im sure other people out there feel like I do, I couldn't be the only one. People feel alienated all the time, why can't we all understand each other better instead of pushing each other farther apart.
What will it be like to leave the snow globe? It has to happen one day, but when and how? Thats the question I ask.
These days I feel like I am just a sideline listener just trying to make it through the day. It hasn't always been like this and it won't always be like this. I just want to know how long it will be like this.
I feel like I can only see whats going on around me, never actually touching the outside world. I know others can see me but its like no one can get any closer than just out of reach.
I call it Snow Globe syndrome. I can see out into the real world from my own bubble and every one else can see in, but theres this thin layer that creates a divide between the two world. Each world just barely out of reach from the other.
I often find myself on the sidelines watching others. I watch what everyone else is doing. I know whats happening its right in front of me after all. I don't understand it though, its a world out there that I no longer comprehend. Its just me in my own little snow globe, watching my friends and family do regular human activities bringing them enjoyment. Ive reached the point where I don't even understand how some activities can create enjoyment, like whats the point?
People have tried to reach into my little bubble and I always reach out. I hope that this will be the time that someone rescues me from my own little world. Unfortunately it usually ends in me getting dropped back into the snow globe even rougher than the time before. Its like I can reach so far and just start to feel the other side, what its like to be normal, then I slip and fall. Back to the bottom.
I don't know what to do, Im not sure who to reach out to. Im sure other people out there feel like I do, I couldn't be the only one. People feel alienated all the time, why can't we all understand each other better instead of pushing each other farther apart.
What will it be like to leave the snow globe? It has to happen one day, but when and how? Thats the question I ask.
These days I feel like I am just a sideline listener just trying to make it through the day. It hasn't always been like this and it won't always be like this. I just want to know how long it will be like this.
The Hamster Chronicles-Are you Under this Rock?
I went off in search for my missing hamster today. I searched high and low and still no sign of the little guy. I searched in the trees and in the yard, I even crawled under a rock and thought you know what? Im just going to stay here today. So here I am, hiding under a rock.
Today was visit number three with my newest addition to my support team, Jeff the counselor. These last few days have not been the greatest. Emotional havoc and all that. Ya know the usual.
Feelings of being trapped in a defective body, feelings of being stuck in a snow globe out of reach from the rest of the world, and the feeling of chasing a parked car. I just run a bit low on hope and a bit high on panic.
Physically I'm not sure how sick I actually am. I had a lot of back pain over the weekend but my amazing chiropractor set that straight. Ive had some headaches which have led to some severe brain fog and confusion, other than that I don't know how ill I've felt this week. Nothing severe, not perfect but honestly I made it through.
Emotionally Ive fallen to bitty pieces because of this and that and that and that and that too! Constant frustration runs through my head. Its like it is never ending, I am constantly stuck in my head. I don't think any of my physical problems would be as bad as they are if they wouldn't get stuck in my head. Emotional problems stick in my head until the problem takes the last ones place. Its an endless vicious cycle.
Im frustrated I have no one to turn to when Im feeling sick or down. Im frustrated no one gets it. I have no idea what I am even supposed to be doing to combat my issues right now. Hence the need for my counselor.
So I spent this afternoon talking to him for a bit about whats stuck in my mind. At the end of it he asked me if I felt like he was understanding what was wrong. He wanted to make sure he got it, the best someone without lyme could get it. I appreciated that immensely. Time went by very quickly and before I knew it our time was up. I left there with the understanding that some of the issues bugging me are not as severe as I feel they are. He made me aware of what I was hyper reacting to and the consequences of it. He didn't make me feel like I was crazy or emotionally out of control, he mainly just listened. He interrupted a few times to make sure he was understanding what I was saying so he could get it, but the time was mostly me word vomiting.
Im starting to warm up a little more to the counselor idea. One thing I do feel is that seeing Jeff is like spending time with one of my best friends, just focused more on me. I feel like Jeff is taking the place of a supportive friend, which I lack. I have good friends but when it comes to me needing help they tend to make theirselves scarce. Often times leaving me aggravated with someone, which in turn means ill inevitably start an argument..that will not be productive in any way.
With May being lyme awareness month I had hoped one of my friends would do something for me or for awareness. I shared the take out of lyme challenge with everyone, I posted it on social media and I talked about it with anyone that would give me the opportunity. Every time it ended in someone turning their nose up or changing the subject. I point blank asked my best friend to do it, he was going to do it until he just never did.
Long story short, once again no one took my hints or did anything for lyme awareness.
This left me feeling small and insignificant. I try every year to raise awareness and every year Im a one man marching band.
I wish I knew the magic code for getting peoples attention for these things....me being sick is no big deal to anyone but me.
If I had someone that cared that deeply for me I wouldn't need Jeff or any other counselor
Status-Frustrated the hamster got an escape and I didn't
Today was visit number three with my newest addition to my support team, Jeff the counselor. These last few days have not been the greatest. Emotional havoc and all that. Ya know the usual.
Feelings of being trapped in a defective body, feelings of being stuck in a snow globe out of reach from the rest of the world, and the feeling of chasing a parked car. I just run a bit low on hope and a bit high on panic.
Physically I'm not sure how sick I actually am. I had a lot of back pain over the weekend but my amazing chiropractor set that straight. Ive had some headaches which have led to some severe brain fog and confusion, other than that I don't know how ill I've felt this week. Nothing severe, not perfect but honestly I made it through.
Emotionally Ive fallen to bitty pieces because of this and that and that and that and that too! Constant frustration runs through my head. Its like it is never ending, I am constantly stuck in my head. I don't think any of my physical problems would be as bad as they are if they wouldn't get stuck in my head. Emotional problems stick in my head until the problem takes the last ones place. Its an endless vicious cycle.
Im frustrated I have no one to turn to when Im feeling sick or down. Im frustrated no one gets it. I have no idea what I am even supposed to be doing to combat my issues right now. Hence the need for my counselor.
So I spent this afternoon talking to him for a bit about whats stuck in my mind. At the end of it he asked me if I felt like he was understanding what was wrong. He wanted to make sure he got it, the best someone without lyme could get it. I appreciated that immensely. Time went by very quickly and before I knew it our time was up. I left there with the understanding that some of the issues bugging me are not as severe as I feel they are. He made me aware of what I was hyper reacting to and the consequences of it. He didn't make me feel like I was crazy or emotionally out of control, he mainly just listened. He interrupted a few times to make sure he was understanding what I was saying so he could get it, but the time was mostly me word vomiting.
Im starting to warm up a little more to the counselor idea. One thing I do feel is that seeing Jeff is like spending time with one of my best friends, just focused more on me. I feel like Jeff is taking the place of a supportive friend, which I lack. I have good friends but when it comes to me needing help they tend to make theirselves scarce. Often times leaving me aggravated with someone, which in turn means ill inevitably start an argument..that will not be productive in any way.
With May being lyme awareness month I had hoped one of my friends would do something for me or for awareness. I shared the take out of lyme challenge with everyone, I posted it on social media and I talked about it with anyone that would give me the opportunity. Every time it ended in someone turning their nose up or changing the subject. I point blank asked my best friend to do it, he was going to do it until he just never did.
Long story short, once again no one took my hints or did anything for lyme awareness.
This left me feeling small and insignificant. I try every year to raise awareness and every year Im a one man marching band.
I wish I knew the magic code for getting peoples attention for these things....me being sick is no big deal to anyone but me.
If I had someone that cared that deeply for me I wouldn't need Jeff or any other counselor
Status-Frustrated the hamster got an escape and I didn't
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