Im Not Sure Where To Start
Hey you guys, been a month now and im trying not to go too long without longing life here on the blog.
This school semester is killing me, psych and sociology are going awesome, chemistry and pre calc are knocking me out. Me and numbers and memorizing and focusing....not so great! I love psychology, I think I have the best teacher in the world, I really do. Today after class I spent almost half an hour talking to her about my experiences in the clinic I work in, compared to what I had seen in today lecture. Today we talked about alcoholism and alcohol use (earlier this week was drugs and controlled substances), so I talked about how we see so many people who use food or drugs as their way to cope with life and most of that is because its socially acceptable to eat a lot for comfort.
We also talked about how many clients will lie to your face "oh no, im not doing that anymore" then follow up and say "except for... four times yesterday, then today for breakfast, plus when I was on the way here". I asked my teacher, "so when will we cover the stats on how many clients will never even try to get better or how they will just get more creative at hiding from their problem" and thats how we got onto the subject. It was very enjoyable, she is someone who definitely gets it, who sees life through their own eyes and not someone who hides behind rose glasses (or at least does a good job at appearing that way). That was probably the highlight of my day, could even be my week.
As far as my actual health goes, I dont want to say it and I dont want to claim it, but I have had a bunch of rough days in the last few weeks.
Monday morning I woke up at 5am, after a demonic nightmare (very rare for me. very) and I was wide awake, so I functioned that day on 3 hours of rough sleep. Tuesday was similar, I was up at 5 after a weird dream but managed to fall back to sleep. Then at 6:30am I woke up and that was it, but I did sleep around 7 or so hours this time so it was better than the day before. Tuesday night I was asleep around 11:30pm, and then i slept until 10:30am wednesday. I would call that pretty solid, but still I was worn out. And allll of that leads us up to today, which is still rough and I cant think. My brain and focus checked out.
Emotionally, except for the last couple of weeks where Ive felt worn out, Ive had a LOT of really good days. Days that I can ride around the car and enjoy my time listening to my music and having fun. No complaints. I have been very grateful for the reminder of what that all actually feels like. Even now, im not feeling great physically or emotionally, but its not so bad compared to a year ago. Its rough and I need to get this figured out sooner rather than later, I know part of it is stress and overworking myself.
I have been getting back in the sauna again, last week I got in for 45-60 minutes 5-6 times. That helped me a lot, but for whatever reason it didnt stick to this week. I got in again today for the first time this week, im praying that tomorrow will be a great day. If I can make it through work and some studying, thats all I ask.
I have been taking more time off work, I took nearly all of today off work to get some homework and rest in.
One personal thing has been weighing on me a ton and Its something I do wish would just go away. But I know better than that, and theres no lessons to be learned if my problems disappear into thin air. The end of October is the anniversary of the death of someone who used to be my best friend, and I was always involved with that with my friend every year. Now, nothing. He doesn't talk to me anymore and won't answer my calls, texts, emails etc. so I know better than to try to send him another message of any sorts. Its just odd, being so close to someone and being a part of special times in their life (though this one is rather tragic, not sure special is really the right word, maybe I should say meaningful instead ?), then just being gone from their life. But, for now, it just is what it is.
This coming week I am going to get some blood work done to checkout whats going on in my body. Its been several months since I have had anything checked out, I may find a cause to why I haven't been feeling so hot.
