Thursday, July 28, 2016

Resolving the Situation

Guess what guys, only a few weeks before I go back to the Hansa Center! I am excited to go back and further my treatment. Each visit to the clinic has brought me to a better place physically and mentally. I still struggle with symptoms in between visits, so I will for sure be talking to my doctor about what to do. I will be treated for a week(5days) just like my last visit in April,

Anyway, I am glad to say this week has been so much better than last week. The last few weeks I haven't felt so hot, and I've had the gloom and doom thoughts. It all eventually manifested into another symptom, kidney pain. My kidneys began hurting again, at the same time all of my other symptoms skyrocketed.
When this occurred, it hit me-I can do something about this. Back around November my ND found I had a minor UTI, which manifested as side pain. They gave me a bag of herbs to make tea out of and it worked out well. My pain stopped after drinking the tea for a week.
So last week I made myself another batch of tea. I can't remember all of the ingredients, I know the tea contains marshmallow root and uva ursi. I made up the tea and drank 8oz twice a day. Hallelujah, a few days later I'm starting to feel my normal again. The doom and gloom disappeared, my skin even began clearing up.

Now after going through a pitcher of tea, I'm doing very well. The first three days of this week I spent over an hour outside laying in the sun. I know my vitamin D levels are low, it's been a while since I spent significant time outdoors. The heat will also help my joints, which are often cold.
I believe this has given me a little bit of an edge, since starting sun bathing my sugar cravings went away. It's not normal for me to crave junk food, but recently I have wanted more and more of the nasty foods. Maybe Candida is flairing.
I also have a small, quarter sized, yeast rash on my hip. So I suspect maybe my kidney infection/UTI (whatever it was) was yeast related. Just a thought.

Yesterday and today I exercised a little, it wasn't much but it sure made me happy. My body loves to reject any tiny physically straining, so a little weight lifting and stretching feels amazing when my body allows. My joins are less tight and cold and my back is more limber now, I love it.
In total I exercised 5-7 minutes both days, I pray this can become a regular part of my health routine.

I'm glad to have something positive to write for a change!!

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Climbing my Skyscraper

This last month has been hard, and I don't know why. I just feel like I'm trudging. Dragging through the day, living the same day over and over. I had been doing so great, a few times this year I was able to exercise for fun and it felt good. That hasn't happened in years. On paper that looks like progress to me.
After the first and second visits with the Hansa Center I was doing great. My energy was building up, I felt like my body was getting stronger. Life was getting a little better, I was feeling more positive.

Recently, I feel like I'm fighting to feel the little I feel. I've felt more down, and my body has physically felt depressed. My whole body is just clawing to do what it's doing...

I don't know what to do. I'm booked to see my doctor next month, I am looking forward to talking to him about what's going on. It would be nice if he has some breakthrough, I know that's rather idealistic and he won't have a straight up, simple, single answer. He will have answers, he's great at finding the bottom of things, but there are many levels to an illness!

In the meantime...I have over a month left before I see the doctor. What do I do... In the past I would take to the Internet or library trying to find something. Usually ending in me changing something in my protocol or adding to it. It's been a long time since I've had to do that, I love not having to be my own doctor. It's so stressful having to rely on yourself for treatment, my doctor has been a life saver,

But today I guess I'm going to hit the Internet, I don't plan on adding anything to my protocol. But I just have to do something, I feel like I just sit at home and struggle. 

Even going through the refrigerator, all food looks gross. Eating for whatever reason is a struggle for me, so on the down days I have had the last month or two it's even harder to eat. Motivation to eat is low, looking at food thinking I'm going to eat the same usual food, also not helpful. I don't know what I need to do...

Sleep, BWO, and Life

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was going to post about brain wave optimization. Well Lyme brain struck!
But today I remembered I hadn't written the post, and I thought it was a good time. So here it goes.

Brain Wave Optimisation 
This therapy is a way for the brain to "see itself", a way to show the brain what's not ticking right. The goal is to bring balance back to brain function. It has been shown to stop anxiety or sleep disfunction when the brain waves are brought back into the correct balance. The therapy reads off brain waves and reflects them back using sound. When the brain "hears" itself it can correct what it didn't know was dysfunctional.

It sounds good right? It all made sense to me when my doctor explained it, when I researched it online, and when I spoke to the practitioner. I do believe this is a good therapy, if it's what your body needs.
Here's my experience.

I started the therapy, I met with the practitioner for 4 days, 2 hours in the morning and 2 in the afternoon. I layed back in a chair for most of it, with headphones in. During parts I would be attempting to sleep, if anything the goal was to relax and be still. That was easy, I am usually very relaxed. 
During this time the device was reading off my brain waves and playing them back to me using tones and music. It wasn't bad...I wouldn't go to a concert to hear that again, but it wasn't bad. During the second half of the therapy the goal was to be awake, somewhat stimulated. I would be sitting up in the chair, with a light on above me, and looking through or reading a book. Again, no big deal. 
During this whole therapy I became rather tired, sitting in one spot for so long took it out of me. But nonetheless, I thought it seemed promising. 

Towards the end of the week, nearing the end of the therapy, I felt more awake/alert during the day. No change in my sleep whatsoever. The practitioner seemed to be stuck on relaxing, the computer read outs didn't show I was unrelated. He just didn't seem to understand how some one could just not sleep...

Needles to say, I wasn't impressed with the end results. Sleep I would say changed none whatsoever, focus may be somewhat improved on some days. Which is good, but still not an impressive result. 

I also got this headband device, it is similar to the therapy with the practioner but on a smaller scale. I wear this headband that is connected to a tablet. The tablet will show the brainwave readouts, in a much more simplified manner than the practioners machine. The tablet plays the music, through ear buds, that supply the brain wave reflection. 
I'm supposed to do that everyday, starting at 2minutes building up to 20-40 minutes. I am going to continue with it, but I haven't noticed any change.


On a brighter note-
A few days ago I had one night of amazing sleep. That particular day I had to wake up early and hit the ground running. It turned out to be a good day(symptom wise), and I was able to do everything I needed no big deal. When the day came to an end, I was dead and actually went to sleep at a decent hour. I use the term decent hour loosely, it was about 1:00am but that's great for me. I woke up myself the next morning without needing an alarm, so my body was able to rest enough with time to spare. That never happens.
Sadly I haven't been able to repeat that, because my energy still had to rebuild after a long day like that. I'm almost back.

I know my last few posts have been about being depressed. This week I've had some relief! A couple days ago I decided to raid my oil stash and see if I could find a mood/energy booster. Instead of thinking beforehand and deciding what oil could work, I just looked at my bottles to decide what I would try. I just looked through my oils until something "stood out", I tied to follow my intuition. I picked frankincense and wild orange, 2 drops each in my diffuser. 
Frankincense is known for its mood boosting properties, I've used it successfully in the past. But wild orange was rather new. You see, I don't like wild orange. A few years ago I ate a bad orange, it probably had some chemicals on it or something and it made me vomit. That particular orange had a very strong orange smell to it, smelling the orange oil very much brought back the same nausea that bad orange did. 
Not this time, after mixing it with frankincense and diluting it in a diffusor, the orange gave me no problem. 

The frankincense/orange combo has been great, my mood and energy took a turn for the best. I have been able to sit down and focus better, I have had the motivation to get up and do things, very little depressive thoughts. 
Today I wasn't able to do it because I wasn't home enough, and I can feel the difference. I feel more bummed out and don't have the get up and go I did yesterday.

I have used oils with great results in the past, but I don't know if I have ever had such a dramatic result so fast. 

Now if I can find a mix of oils for sleeping...I could rule the world!!

Saturday, July 9, 2016

I Hurt and I'm Swollen

Today was fantastic 

But all good things must come to an end. I helped throw a surprise party for a close friend of mine, I was part of the distraction. It went awesome! I had all the energy and focus I needed for the whole day. I was able to do math good enough to calculate how long we needed to be gone, time between stops on our car ride adventure, and miscellaneous things that came up. My brain worked for the day, can I tell you how great that is?
Words can't describe it. One thing is, if I didn't write this blog I wouldn't notice half the things I notice about myself. Today for example, I noticed I was holding up okay without any sort of hang ups. I didn't notice that my brain had cooperated that well until I started writing this post.

Repercussions have set in

I ate so much garbage, junk food. It's embarrassing to even admit all of that, but I did. And I am feeling it, my stomach is queasy, my back hurts, my energy is finished. Detoxing starts tomorrow haha

Lately I haven't been staying at my typical symptom levels...I have been more fatigues, my concentration has been off, I have been depressed on and off. Starting yesterday, my lymph nodes around my armpits have been swollen and painful.
While I was out cutting the grass yesterday, riding, the bouncing made my right lymph area feel like it was flopping around. It's hard to describe, but I could feel my skin stretch out and snap back. I am a thin person, I do not have anywhere on my body with enough meat or muscle to experience this, so this was new to me altogether.

My project of the week is to bring my swollen armpits back to normal. I've been using a roller bottle of oils, next I'm going to step up the detoxing and juicing. I'll report back!

All I can say at this point is, I am tired, my back hurts, my energy is finished, I ache and have pain all over, my sides(kidneys?) hurt, just several things going on...
It's time for bed!

Sunday, July 3, 2016

It's the 4th of July and...

I feel like crap...

That's the simplest way to put it that is. It's late at night/early in the am, I'm wide awake. Last week I finished the Brain Wave Optimization, the only change I noticed is I have a little more focus and alertness during the day. Sleep is more less, unchanged. The night time depression that comes and goes is still goin....

I hadn't really had it too much until after last week. The BWO may have stirred something up. Lately I've been analyzing life, goals for the summer and the like. So far I'm not impressed with what's been going on...
I have almost finished 1 library book, I have not found a job, I don't feel any better now that I'm out of school, and my sense of accomplishment is about 0!
I thought that maybe after school was out my body would perk up, because that stress was over. Nope. No change. I felt more productive doing school.


Work-I thought it would be great to find a summer job. I would love some more work experience, because I have very little. I have searched and spoken to people, at this moment my only real option is working at a fast food restaurant...I cannot eat the food and I don't support the business...fast food is one of the few jobs I just would rather not think of as an option. I'm not a picky person, but right now I cannot find anything else. Not even Walmart. I checked. Many times.

I did find one job and sent in an application, I don't have high hopes. I went into the place and asked about the job. They weren't even sure the job was open, they would have to get back to me later this week. I gave them my number and name, with hopes, but that can't be a good sign if they don't even know if they have a job.
It's a business I would rather not support, but it is something I would at least half way enjoy(and it isn't fast food).

Anyway, to my point...

Can I tell you what Lyme disease does to self worth?? Kills it, dead. If you can't work, can't accomplish anything but read, and you can't even exercise, how do you build yourself up? I sure can't. The only thing I do is hang out with friends, when they aren't working.
Lyme disease has burnt out my brain. It's hard for me to even think about work, I can hardly do math(some days I can't at all), focus comes and goes, and energy can disapear in an instant. If I were to put anything about my personal life on a résumé they would probably send it back thinking it was a joke...
Can't do math, may not actually be able to work, may forget task at hand-doesn't scream worker of the year does it?

I know I work hard. I had to work hard to find out what was wrong with me, when no one else could. (Guess job experience doesn't teach common sense, at least to doctors) I have to work to go to sleep. Reading is a significant amount of work, just to focus on the page and actually finish the book. Being sick every day, is a job on its own. Sadly it doesn't pay and other people don't think much of the experience gained from being sick.
It all has to be personal gains, and anything I can possibly share with other people who suffer.

I know deep in my heart, if it was my time to be doing something different-I would be. God has a plan, a plan that is usually different than the agenda we create. But it's hard to watch other people make something of themselves, and my accomplishment is I just about have the tv lineup memorized....

There isn't a great deal of summer left, college starts next. More school will equal more stress, if I don't watch it I will make myself sick. Lyme+stress is a dangerous combination (I can already hear people who've experienced this agree).
I don't have a choice, I have to keep going. I have to get something accomplished. The personal victories just don't seem to mean anything to other people.

Life is funny