Today Marks Year Nine
As the above says, today 1/26/20 marks my ninth year of battling Lyme disease. In the beginning I had no idea I had Lyme. I had broken my arm and then never felt well again, I felt this way, then worse and worse for several years before getting any idea as to what was truly wrong with me.
For my full story, see this post from years and years ago.
I look at the last nine years and I almost want to scream, every single year has been different in thousands of ways. Consistency has not been my forté at all for how I have felt with being ill or how I had to deal with the ever rolling stresses handed to me. The first year was the beginning of the stress, I thought I was just sick from a drug interaction or from the stress of breaking multiple bones. Then I got sicker and I thought something more had to be wrong.
Year six and seven were probably the worst of the worst. I discovered anxiety and severe OCD somewhere in that timeline, I learned what starving and not being able to eat meant. I discovered new fears and pains that I had no idea were possible.
I prayed a lot. I cried a lot. I complained many times over. I made it.
Year eight was a big changing point, I began exercising for the first time in my life and was able to really begin enjoying it! I began feeling peace and calmness again in my life, something that I felt was gone forever at one point. It felt as if my body had begun "waking up", my alertness began coming back and so did my energy. Consistency starting walking into my life and pain began walking out.
Looking back, I see several people who have come and gone from my life. Some I miss and some I hope have lost my number, and truthfully I do blame lyme and what it did to me for why I left some people behind and why some people left me in the dirt. Necessities breed ingenuity, I had a great need for "real" people in my life. People that just enjoy "fun" on a Friday night and nothing else at all, no longer had a place in my life. Some of these people could not handle how I "felt" all of the time, they did not appreciate how I had too many feelings and that none of these feelings were "fun".
And some of these people I no longer felt like being around because they are rather shallow. Lyme taught me a lot about looking deeper than skin deep and it taught me that what people don't say can be louder than what they do say. I learned to listen to the world going around instead of only hearing what was placed directly in my face, which is hard to explain.
Looking back I can also see how Lyme landed me my job, which I love so much. Lyme shaped my personality into a more caring spirit, I want to work with people who need help and need people to understand. Not just a 9-5 which serves no long term purpose.
I learned that living with a purpose and a meaning was capable of reshaping my entire outlook on life.
Nine years has taught me a lot, I pray that this is the year in which I can say Lyme no longer causes me illness. To be further specific, I pray that the lyme bacteria and the damage that has been done to my body, emotions, and spirit will no longer cause me disease. Year eight has taught me that my patience has begun paying off. I go to the gym all the time, since the beginning of December I have been to the gym on average 4x per week and I have gotten into my sauna 5x per week. These things have made me feel so satisfied and happy. I do not know if its because they are helping me so much, or if I am just that grateful that I can finally exercise on a consistent basis for the first time in my life.
I cant believe I have been sick nearly a decade, it is scary to think about how quickly all of it has burned past. I am grateful though that the last few years went by quickly, because they were nothing short of horrible. If I could never relieve that part of my life, that would be great.
I thank God for all of my progress. I have prayed that I will come out on the otherside healthier and happier than ever before, without trauma and damage. I think that one day this goal will be achieved.
Heres to another benchmark year in which changes and progress and growth will be embraced and welcomed :)
