The Hamster Chronicles-Are you Under this Rock?

I went off in search for my missing hamster today. I searched high and low and still no sign of the little guy. I searched in the trees and in the yard, I even crawled under a rock and thought you know what? Im just going to stay here today. So here I am, hiding under a rock.

Today was visit number three with my newest addition to my support team, Jeff the counselor. These last few days have not been the greatest. Emotional havoc and all that. Ya know the usual.
Feelings of being trapped in a defective body, feelings of being stuck in a snow globe out of reach from the rest of the world, and the feeling of chasing a parked car. I just run a bit low on hope and a bit high on panic.
Physically I'm not sure how sick I actually am. I had a lot of back pain over the weekend but my amazing chiropractor set that straight. Ive had some headaches which have led to some severe brain fog and confusion, other than that I don't know how ill I've felt this week. Nothing severe, not perfect but honestly I made it through.
Emotionally Ive fallen to bitty pieces because of this and that and that and that and that too! Constant frustration runs through my head. Its like it is never ending, I am constantly stuck in my head. I don't think any of my physical problems would be as bad as they are if they wouldn't get stuck in my head. Emotional problems stick in my head until the problem takes the last ones place. Its an endless vicious cycle.

Im frustrated I have no one to turn to when Im feeling sick or down. Im frustrated no one gets it. I have no idea what I am even supposed to be doing to combat my issues right now. Hence the need for my counselor.
So I spent this afternoon talking to him for a bit about whats stuck in my mind. At the end of it he asked me if I felt like he was understanding what was wrong. He wanted to make sure he got it, the best someone without lyme could get it. I appreciated that immensely. Time went by very quickly and before I knew it our time was up. I left there with the understanding that some of the issues bugging me are not as severe as I feel they are. He made me aware of what I was hyper reacting to and the consequences of it. He didn't make me feel like I was crazy or emotionally out of control, he mainly just listened. He interrupted a few times to make sure he was understanding what I was saying so he could get it, but the time was mostly me word vomiting.

Im starting to warm up a little more to the counselor idea. One thing I do feel is that seeing Jeff is like spending time with one of my best friends, just focused more on me. I feel like Jeff is taking the place of a supportive friend, which I lack. I have good friends but when it comes to me needing help they tend to make theirselves scarce. Often times leaving me aggravated with someone, which in turn means ill inevitably start an argument..that will not be productive in any way.

With May being lyme awareness month I had hoped one of my friends would do something for me or for awareness. I shared the take out of lyme challenge with everyone, I posted it on social media and I talked about it with anyone that would give me the opportunity. Every time it ended in someone turning their nose up or changing the subject. I point blank asked my best friend to do it, he was going to do it until he just never did.
Long story short, once again no one took my hints or did anything for lyme awareness.
This left me feeling small and insignificant. I try every year to raise awareness and every year Im a one man marching band.
I wish I knew the magic code for getting peoples attention for these things....me being sick is no big deal to anyone but me.
If I had someone that cared that deeply for me I wouldn't need Jeff or any other counselor

Status-Frustrated the hamster got an escape and I didn't