Nine Years and Still Counting

Today Marks Year Nine

As the above says, today 1/26/20 marks my ninth year of battling Lyme disease. In the beginning I had no idea I had Lyme. I had broken my arm and then never felt well again, I felt this way, then worse and worse for several years before getting any idea as to what was truly wrong with me.
For my full story, see this post from years and years ago.

I look at the last nine years and I almost want to scream, every single year has been different in thousands of ways. Consistency has not been my forté at all for how I have felt with being ill or how I had to deal with the ever rolling stresses handed to me. The first year was the beginning of the stress, I thought I was just sick from a drug interaction or from the stress of breaking multiple bones. Then I got sicker and I thought something more had to be wrong.

Year six and seven were probably the worst of the worst. I discovered anxiety and severe OCD somewhere in that timeline, I learned what starving and not being able to eat meant. I discovered new fears and pains that I had no idea were possible.
I prayed a lot. I cried a lot. I complained many times over. I made it.

Year eight was a big changing point, I began exercising for the first time in my life and was able to really begin enjoying it! I began feeling peace and calmness again in my life, something that I felt was gone forever at one point. It felt as if my body had begun "waking up", my alertness began coming back and so did my energy. Consistency starting walking into my life and pain began walking out.

Looking back, I see several people who have come and gone from my life. Some I miss and some I hope have lost my number, and truthfully I do blame lyme and what it did to me for why I left some people behind and why some people left me in the dirt. Necessities breed ingenuity, I had a great need for "real" people in my life. People that just enjoy "fun" on a Friday night and nothing else at all, no longer had a place in my life. Some of these people could not handle how I "felt" all of the time, they did not appreciate how I had too many feelings and that none of these feelings were "fun".
And some of these people I no longer felt like being around because they are rather shallow. Lyme taught me a lot about looking deeper than skin deep and it taught me that what people don't say can be louder than what they do say. I learned to listen to the world going around instead of only hearing what was placed directly in my face, which is hard to explain.

Looking back I can also see how Lyme landed me my job, which I love so much. Lyme shaped my personality into a more caring spirit, I want to work with people who need help and need people to understand. Not just a 9-5 which serves no long term purpose.
I learned that living with a purpose and a meaning was capable of reshaping my entire outlook on life.

Nine years has taught me a lot, I pray that this is the year in which I can say Lyme no longer causes me illness. To be further specific, I pray that the lyme bacteria and the damage that has been done to my body, emotions, and spirit will no longer cause me disease. Year eight has taught me that my patience has begun paying off. I go to the gym all the time, since the beginning of December I have been to the gym on average 4x per week and I have gotten into my sauna 5x per week. These things have made me feel so satisfied and happy. I do not know if its because they are helping me so much, or if I am just that grateful that I can finally exercise on a consistent basis for the first time in my life.

I cant believe I have been sick nearly a decade, it is scary to think about how quickly all of it has burned past. I am grateful though that the last few years went by quickly, because they were nothing short of horrible. If I could never relieve that part of my life, that would be great.

I thank God for all of my progress. I have prayed that I will come out on the otherside healthier and happier than ever before, without trauma and damage. I think that one day this goal will be achieved.

Heres to another benchmark year in which changes and progress and growth will be embraced and welcomed :)

Thankful for the Pain

In All Things
I praise God for my life and the contents of it. I praise God for my life. I praise God for this unique opportunity to learn that is unlike no other, that we here on earth call Lyme disease. I thank my heavenly Father for my body, even though my body and I often have different dreams and aspirations for the day ahead. We tend to be polar opposites in fact, I would love to go on an adventure or go out with some friends. Or even tackle a long list of cleaning chores I would love to accomplish to declutter my drawers and closet. My body prefers to...how should I say it...use its louder voice, and tell me to tighten the reigns on some of these aspirations instead. I still fight it, I may want to organize my dresser or my nightstand and end up doing only 1 drawer. In my mind I still won, just don't tell my body that.

I praise Him who has given me the ability of communication. He has given me a gift in understanding others and relating to their circumstances better. I know He has allowed me to touch many other lives throughout my journey and helped me to be able to ease the pain of others. Even when I am hurting and suffering deep down inside. It all happens for a reason, something positive will happen through all of this.

I am thankful for my perseverance. As long as I am alive I can fight. As long as I am alive I can reach for more goals and help other people. Thanks to this blog I may even be able to touch people decades after I am gone, who knows. I often wish I wasn't alive. I even pray for it sometimes. Sometimes I pray for it all of the time. Truth is I am still here and deep down I know I am going to be walking this earth for a while now. I just wish to end the suffering and the seemingly endless search for a solution. Some days I am just so tired that I cannot get anything accomplished and unfortunately I live on the worlds time table of deadlines that must be met, not everything can be left for tomorrow. I am thankful for my time management skills, which have allowed me to juggle sick days and busy days so that I can hit my deadlines or even beat them. In all honesty, if I could not manage my time there is NO way I would be able to be a student and work. I could manage one or the other I believe, but it would be a less pleasant environment filled with stress.

I am ever so thankful for my medical team. I have a local doctor who is familiar with my case and is always willing to run tests or give me a referral if need be. She also provides me with infusions of nutrients to strengthen my body. In between visits to the clinic, she helps keep me going. AND because she takes insurance she has made blood tests much more affordable.
My Kansas clinic has taken me a long long way through fighting disease ands strengthening my body. I often wonder why I have been such a difficult case and have had such relapses that end in my growing frustration. They do great work, I believe my doctor is one of the best. Due to some sort of changes in my doctors life he has changed clinics, so next time I return to Kansas it most likely will not be to the Hansa Center, it will be to the new clinic my doctor is working at. I am ok with this change, I just do not know what tp expect in my future as far as how treatment will go. Im sure it will be similar, maybe even a step up who knows.

I am so thankful for some very special people in my life. Here lately I do not think I have gone more than a post without mentioning my best friend, he has been such an inspiration to keep me going. Some of my coworkers also mean the world to me and I look forward to seeing them every day. Plus several other great friends of mine, one girl, she's probably my best girl friend, is there for about anything I need and she gets it. She's been through plenty of traumatic things in her life that she understands what its like to be alone and miserable. Theres several more friends that I see on a frequent basis that I cannot imagine living without, I have some good people in my life.

Last of all, for this post anyway 'cause I gotta get to bed, I am thankful for all of the pain I have been through. Without pain I wouldn't understand what "good" is. I could not possibly fathom what life would be like if I had never learned the meaning of miserable and depression. I would have never learned to appreciate the good times if I had never spent days and weeks crying until there were no tears left to cry. I would not know what living on the edge of collapse actually meant, and I certainly wouldn't understand the importance of treating my body like a temple. I watch all my friends eat synthetic junk food and I know what its doing to their body, I am not perfect when it comes to eating healthy but I do treat my body pretty darn well in my opinion! No twinkies or pizza rolls are going into this body, nooooooo.
I would have no gauge for the light if I had never seen the dark, if this is the dark I am still living through I know I must have one bright light ahead of me :)

Seventh Treatment Day

I am about to finish my seventh day of treatment here at the center. After talking with the doctor I am very excited for tomorrow. He said we will be getting more into the crystalline matrix of the body and light. This is something that has always fascinate me but I don't know too much about it.

Today- The doctor worked on my spine and rechecked what he did on Friday to make sure it stuck. My balance and shoulders were good. The muscles in my legs and pelvis needed some work.
He also found my mitochondria are low, so he did some further tests to see what my body wanted for that. When he finished with this my muscles were noticeable stronger. He also added a few remedies to bring up mitochondria function. Which in turn will control how well my muscles will be able to hold adjustments.

Another thing I wanted to mention, during his testing he found two Bach flower remedies my body wanted. Both of these were for emotional trauma, emotional darkness, and fear. This came as a shock sorta, I knew I had some form of trauma but I didn't think much of it. It really doesn't bother me except for rare occasion like Sunday...
I wonder if this will

Therapies-ST8, sauna, massage, LUX, Bemer 2x, and laser(ears).