Long Hiatus

I Forgot
Ok so I am guilty of what many bloggers all do at some point in life. I forgot to sit down and write on my blog.
Ive been writing this blog for years, Im a bit shocked it was so easy for me to just disappear like that. E texted me this evening and asked me if it was a good thing that it has been 5 months since my last post. I had NO idea it had been that long! Not in the slightest. A whole lot of things have changed since February. Mostly for the better!

Okay so first things first. I finished another semester of school successfully. College Algebra included. That alone is a gift from God LOL.
I decided to do two summer classes this summer, Theories of Psych and Social Problems. Both have been rather fun and light classes to do during an online summer semester. I like the 1 class per month setup, im not so rushed to get things done. I just have my dedicated amount of time to spend on each class 6 days awake, but short amounts of time so I can actually ENJOY the class a little! I remember when reading was rocket science a few years ago.
Sitting down to read a book is still difficult, but for school I can do it.

Second! I went to see my Kansas Doc in March. WOW. Life has changed a lot since then. He started me on some new things for sleep which have made a significant difference in the quality of my sleep. We did the standard work up, I have it all written down and I will post specific details on it all soon.
My quality of life sky rocketed after this last visit to my doctor, like record breaking. Before I went to the clinic I was really starting to wear down again, feeling very flatline and tired. Not necessarily depressed or anxious, just run down. But I was going to the gym every so often and pushing myself, trying to get into the rhythm of exercising and exerting physical energy. My body had all forgotten what intentional exercise was after all these years, 13 years old was when all my formal exercise of any sort ended. Now I am 21 and I can do it again. Some days I can some days I can't, but what has made life different is the days that I can are out numbering the ones where I can't. I do still have limits, I am really pushing getting to bed earlier. I HAVE to recover and not over do it in my daily life if I want to be able to feel well and be able to exercise.
The first  two months after my March visit with my doctor I felt GREAT. Sure I still had bad and sucky days, but I was going to the gym 3-4 times a week for the most part and I finished the last half of the school semester. School, gym, and work. Never thought I would see the day.

Quality of life is doing much much better than in the past. Depression creeps in every so often, when it does usually I can take a look at something I had done in the last 24 hours and pick out the cause. Chinese food and MSG, WAY over doing it with working too hard and not resting, under eating-depression guarantees for me. Every time without a fail.

Anxiety. Heres a word that I, at one point in my life, had no understanding of. No comprehension of the effects that this little disorder could have on somebody's life. I had no idea anxiety held the mold to completely reshape a persons life and personality into a form previously unknown. This anxiety thing isn't for sissies! I had no idea how anxious and on edge I was all the time until it disappeared...
Thats right. I dont think I have had anxiety in months now. After the last visit to my doctor the anxiety and unhinged stress slowly started melting away and releasing. Like a wound up rubber band slowly popping itself free until no tension was left.
Who remembers when thats all I had to talk about?
If anxiety does NOT return with the onset of the new school semester, I think we will have truly witnessed a miracle. Even if it does return, I don't think severity will ever reach what it once was. Looking back about two summers ago when it was in its peak, I think I should have seen a psychiatrist and gotten some strong medication or something. I dont think I even almost recognized how severe it was. OR how strong I was to resist it during that time. I am so thankful that God kept me strong and I never fell victim to feeling sorry for myself or giving up.

Work! I am still at the same office working the same job. During the summer I work full time, which my dear bank account is so grateful for. Come this very full semester of college next month, my bank will shed a few small tears when my hours cut back.
Some things even at work have changed, Ive become much more social and have had much more bonding time with my co workers. I love them to pieces.
Earlier this year the problematic coworkers that all of us were bothered by (11 employees, 2 problematic, not kidding when I say EVERYONE) are now GONE. They are still employed by they are working from a distance, out of our space and out of our way! They're happy not being in the office being social (one of the two has a social disorder and regularly ticked people off) and we are happy having the space back.
I had forgotten how much I enjoyed my job. Some evenings I dont even want to go home, I actually think I rather be at work with my work family than with some of my friends from school. I must be growing into an adult LOL.

I go back to my Kansas doc in just a few weeks, two I think. I have already gotten my blood drawn for the lab work. Just waiting to fly out. I am still taking a crap ton of supplements and I pray that soon I will be able to reduce things, I am not on as many pills as I have been in the past but I am still choking down a fist full morning and night. I dont even ask that I have to discontinue them all. Just some. Pretty please
I have begun to slide down again on energy compared to what it was after my visit in March. I changed one of my adrenal supplements and it made a big difference and progress started coming back. I am looking forward to my upcoming visit, my baseline now is a mile higher than ever before. I have never gone into a week in Kansas, not anxious and in pain, never ever exercising, never working hard. Its almost always a downward spiral my doc has to pull me from.
The only symptom I would say is truly "returning" is my brain fog, which I have fought with and fought with for almost a decade. Again, if I could sleep am 8 hour night every night, my brain health would probably be out of this world. Sleep quality has gotten great, amount of hours is still rather lacking and not ideal. Ive noticed lately Ive been garbling my speech a lot more and I lose thoughts and sentences, so I know its coming time for a tune up again. I am glad this coming visit will be more of  strong jump start or maybe even a slingshot into feeling normal again, rather than my doctor pulling me up by the Grace of God from the pits of disrepair. He's going to be so shocked when he sees me next time.

I am still trying to push my fitness even though my energy has been waning a bit. I have gone to the gym twice this week. I am really trying to eat more, I haven't eaten a satisfactory quantity on a regular basis in years (probably the whole time I've been sick). Its time I quit starving myself and I make food a higher priority. I still don't enjoy food a whole lot or enjoy eating. I notice I can trick myself into eating a lot more at work when Im busy compared to when Im home doing other projects (read, I forget to eat at home). I have found a protein shake called Vega that I can tolerate, so I have been mixing it with some frozen fruit and ACV, creating what is now my breakfast and dinner. I learned protein shakes before bed drastically help my sleep quality. With these results, doing the shakes has become second nature. I mix them with fruits I like plus some kale or veggies, then heavily dilute with coconut milk to thin it out. If I make the smoothie very thick it will hurt my stomach, I still have to watch it with food. Hard to digest solid food makes my stomach feel full and painful for a while. MUCH better than it was in the past but it is still an issue. If I dilute my smoothies down and take digestive enzymes, the problem is better. Maybe my hunger (lack of) issue will be what begins to improve next time I go to my doctor.
My goal is to begin gaining weight, 6'4" and 136 or so LBS. Its time I look less anorexic and have more reserves. People who have a healthier body weight have a stronger immune system and are less likely to get sick. Thats mah goal here!
Since starting with the gym I have gained zero pounds since February. I took a look at my diet and realized how little I was eating (realized...again) and how lacking in protein it was. This week I started the Vega instead of the other vegan protein I was doing, the Vega is a bit higher in proteins. I still need to bring up the calories and nutrients as a whole. But this eating thing isn't easy. I have noticed a difference since I started doing protein shakes 1-2 times a day a month or two ago, my energy has become more consistent and holds out for longer.

In my more fun side of life, I bought a 74' Alfa Romeo Spider, it has become my baby. Its a cross between a project car and my own daily driving car. It was a solid driver. At first. I decided to drive the car to work one day, the thermostat stuck and overheating the engine...blowing the head gasket. This wasn't a bit deal, it was easy to fix this. While I had the engine torn apart I replaced a lot of other things while I was in there, thinking I was making my car more and more reliable (in theory I did). Well once the head gasket was replaced I took the car on some test drives around the neighborhood, honing in the carburetors and getting them adjusted (look, I know im supposed to be  millennial but I want to learn how this stuff works LOL). Aaaaaand a little 10mm nut came off a carb bracket, and went right into the engine. Thats bad. Whats worse, I did not realize that had happened. I eventually figured out the reason I couldn't adjust the carbs was because one cylinder had sucked in the nut and had become severely damaged in the head. I discovered this had happened when I took the spark plug out and saw the tip had been crushed, I knew this had to be bad. LONG story short. The head of the engine has been back and forth the the shop many times, with failed attempts to fix it. Now another head is being built for my car (I know most of my readers arent car people and this is just rocket science...BUT)and will hopefully be ready soon. Its taken about two months to get this far on this issue. The "new" head being built has taken almost a month to be refurbished from what it was, the shop hasn't been in what you call a hurry to get the job done. But if they do a good job, I can be patient. Im thankful it only hurt the head of the engine and didnt ruin the WHOLE engine. For this we are thankful.

I think this about brings everyone to where my life is now. Major symptoms-fatigue(could be worse), brain fog, insomnia, digestion.
Life problems-my car is broken.
But hey, all these issues are fixable and will be fixed in due time. Step by step progress gets made!

I missed blogging, truthfully I just havent sat down or really NEEDED to vent like I have in the past, but no that does not mean I will stop writing!

I Don't Know What to Expect

I leave for Hansa in just a few days! I am getting excited. I could finally start the beginning to the end of my chronic lyme disease and co-infections.

I cannot even fathom living without these symptoms. Whats it even like??
*flashback time*

I contracted lyme and co's in 2010, we think. I was bitten by a tick for sure. I saw it with my own eyes. This wasn't the beginning of my symptoms however.
I have had some form of insomnia my entire life, when I was a baby it took a long time for me to fall asleep and I never napped. (so I have been told)
I have also had fatigue and low motivation for as long as I can remember. I don't know when it began, it just became intolerable after my tick bite.
When I was around eight years old my parents took me to an allergist who started me on allergy shots. I hated the idea then and I hate that I did it now.
The doctor said my fatigue was caused by allergies. According to their skin prick test I was allergic to dogs, cats, grass, pollen, milk slightly, and mold off the charts.
My parents went with it. Seeing as I didn't have much of a choice in the matter, I hoped for the best.

Around six years later I finished completely with the doctor and the shots, haven't seen him since.
Guess what? It didn't make much of a difference in how I felt. According to their skin prick test I was less reactive to the allergens, so the shots did something. Yet I felt the same.
Interesting right?

I am not saying I have had lyme since I was a little kid, but something has been wrong with my body and the cause is unknown. It could have been candida, parasites, food allergies, diet, or something else.

The point of this story, I don't know what normal feels like. I have always been tired and I have never slept.

Anyway, back to the present.

I begin treatment with a real doctor who has seen hundred or thousands of people just like me. I like that. In my life my pediatrician, allergist, DO, and ND have all said "I don't know" when it comes to my disease. While we didn't know about the lyme, RMSF, and babesia when I last saw the allergist or the pediatrician I was tired. They didn't have an answer.

Now I am going to see a doctor who understands, he's been in my place. That alone is valuable, I don't care what other credentials a doctor has. Understanding is one of the most import qualities a doctor can possess.

I don't expect to be cured or in remission after two weeks. That's just too unreasonable.
I do expect to have a treatment plan and guidance, I have never had a good one. I think the consistency in treatment will help me if anything.

My one goal I personally want to achieve with these upcoming two weeks is to be able to be able to eat and exercise.
I am a six foot four inch tall teenage boy. I should be able to eat!! I consume maybe 1,000 calories on a good day. I weigh about 137 pounds last I checked. To give you an idea of how large my arms are, I can reach my fingers around my arm, top to bottom. Easy. I do not have any muscle left. Exercise is just not possible for me.

Teenage guys have energy. They workout and make a point to look decent to other people(well...some). They are conscious of what they look like, not necessarily to impress anyone. Just look good.
Ha, not me man. My only attempt I make is to not look like I just walked out of bed when I go out in public. If I look that good, I exceeded my goal.

I have made attempts at starting a light exercise regimen so many times in the past its ridiculous.
Stretching was the first thing I tried, I stuck with it the longest I think. I would just do a basic warm up and basic stretching for about half an hour a few times a week. This was around the time I first went to the ND and was doing better before I got worse again and went to the DO.
Since then I have tried doing reps of just 2-3 pushups and sit-up plus a few other exercises mixed in. Several times I have been able to keep at it a while, a few days a week for a few weeks or month.
I just cannot keep it up though, I crash.
Its like my muscles and connective tissues cannot rebuild and repair themselves well. Now my joints and muscles are the strangest they have ever been(for lack of a better term).  My knees will come out of joint and pop back in randomly, my fingers do the same, plus muscles spasms/cramps and they are just harder to control.
This is a newer symptom for sure. I am sure it has something to do with my body not being able to function properly. Not being able to eat enough its probably related to this also.

SO that's what I really want to get from the two weeks. If I can fuel my body and use it, I know I will be able to get myself to a better health standard.
Overall I expect much more to happen from two weeks of intensive treatment but this is the starting point I want to accomplish.

Three days until I leave!!