Who Stands in Your Court

 I Have Something On My Mind

So recently a few of my friends as well as my mom have pointed out to me that I like to make friends with people who are uh, projects. People who maybe come from a rougher background, I'm not saying your generic thought of "rough". Like a tattoo'd biker or a something similar, but I do make friends with people who have had struggles. 

I can have issues relating to people who have not been through a ton, which granted is not actually that many people, almost everyone has been through something major. One of my close friends texted me yesterday morning that his dad passed away. His dad was a little older and in extremely poor health, in my non expert opinion it was amazing his dad lived this long. In the 5-10 years I have known this friend, his dad has been in bad shape. His dad was in a trucking incident in the 80's and had some severe back injuries from what I have been told. Due to his decline recently and overall very poor health, my friends dad ended up with an internal MRSA infection and that was more than he could take. I feel so bad for my friend, I spoke with him on the phone and we just talked for a while to keep his mind somewhere else. Now, heres the plot twist, my friend has always had to take care of both of his grandparents as well as his two grandparents the entire time I have known him. He has been in college since I was in high school, because he has had to stop and start school and take a decreased load depending on the care he had to provide to his family. He fed them, drove them around, cleaned them, made all of their medical phone calls, worked (as he could). Never stopped or questioned it. His mom died a few years back from congestive heart failure, he took care of the funeral and made all of those arrangements. His grandmother died right after, about three weeks different. That too was on him. Now his dad has died, without any form of life insurance so once again. It is on him. Now he just has one grandmother left, who again, is completely reliant on him. He is an only child and one of the only family members around. He's told me about a cousin or two who have helped out when there is absolutely no other option. My friend has selflessly taken care of his family his entire life and basically known no other than taking care of these people, and I look up to this quality in him so much. When we talked on the phone tonight he told me he still cannot believe his dad is gone. He knew deep down the time was coming, he saw some signs but he was under the care of doctors and his dads health was poor. 

It just astounds me the selflessness my friend has had. I know I wont ever know the entire story and nor do I want to. I know his parents were a big loving support for him and always encouraged him through his life goals. But as cold as it sounds, and I cannot ever believe I would say something like this because it just isnt right, but now my friend may actually be able to breathe a little and take care of his life. His own health has been very bad because he has to neglect himself to make time for his family. He has put his own hopes and dreams on the back burner more times over than I could count. He can finally be himself in the fact he will be able to finish his college degree (I hope and assume) and will be able to have time to dedicate to his own life. This sounds selfish on one hand, but my friend has never known anything else and maybe he can succeed a little more without being responsible for so many people. 

My friend had back surgery in August of 2020, he was doing well but in the last two months he's been in a lot of pain and has had tingling and dizziness. He has not felt well at all and still has not been able to return to his job (meaning no income at this point, I thought he could get unemployment or something but so far. no). I believe he had two discs replaced (he's only in his late 20's), which is major. 

He has people he can lean on for support. He no longer lives at home where his father and grandmother were, and he has found people he can rely on some to be there for him. So he is not completely alone, I help out as much as I can but I can only do so much on my own plus the geographic distance since I moved to school.

This is just one example of the type of people I make friends with, I have known this friend somewhere between 5-10 years. Im not even sure. I have more examples of "projects"and I have realised the sort of people I tend to trend towards.

Another friend of mine recently asked me why I try to pour so much into people, especially when they are people who are more transient where I may personally get nothing or very little out of it. I said, I have been loved so much and I just need to pay it forward. We do not live an even life, life isnt fair. You always hear "YOLO" or "take care of yourself dont worry about anyone else". Then we wonder why we live in a lonely, cold world. If we do not open our hearts and try to love everyone and treat them the best we can, how can we expect them in return? 

It was odd being asked that, because I really do not ever put this sort of thing into words. Usually I just try to be as nice as possible and try to treat people as Jesus would have wanted. Love, kindness, and listening sure does go a long way. In some ways its second nature to me, but I do try to balance myself out so that I am not only taking care of others and wearing myself down.

I do not consider myself a super nice person or super humble either. I am capable of both, sure, but I would not say that I just am either of those two qualities. I can be selfish like anyone else, but recently some of my "project" friends have pointed out to me that I do treat people different than other people do. I did not entirely know how to take that, but as odd as it is, more than anything I pray that they take a similar mentality of paying it forward and showing the people they come into contact with love, kindness, and a listening ear. 

We are living in a world where it is more PC to take a selfish day and ignore others, than it is to take a day and check on those we love. And that, is warped. 

First Decade with Lyme

 Ten Years Today!

On this day, ten years ago was when my life changed and I learned what it meant to be seriously ill. I broke my arm, had lyme in my body (unknowingly) and my health spiraled from there on out.

UNTIL I went to the lyme clinic in Kansas. Today, I feel like I am just as happy and just as able bodied as before I was sick. I feel great, I do all kinds of activities these days. Im still pushing at the gym, even though progress is slow. I go to visit my soon-to-be graduate school this weekend to see where Ill be living for the next four years of my life starting in April. 

I have a lot to look forward too outside of my health these days. Not every lyme patient is given this fortunate of an opportunity to move on with their life. I still take supplements, I take some things for autoimmune and for methylation and sleep. Which may seem like a lot, but considering these items work well enough that one skipped day makes me feel different, I feel like they count for a lot. 

I had a set of labs done in mid December 2020, my ANA was checked (autoimmune factors) plus standard CBC and lipids. I still have no cholesterol, that one stumps my lyme doctor to no end. He's given me stuff for my stomach/gallbladder/liver and changed things over and over and my body refuses to make cholesterol. My ANA is going down, its at the lowest it can be without being negative-which is fantastic. ANA may never test negative again, but as long as I feel well and the markers are rock bottom I do not really have anything to care about. I take two Apex Energetics products, Trizomal Glutathione and Nitric Balance and personally I think those two items are what have pushed my autoimmune down to a safe level. I still have kept on a regular dose on these two items, I have yet to drop down to a maintenance dose.

I run pretty hard, between my mildly questionable sleep schedule, work stress (recently quit my job of 5.5 years-but thats a story for another day), projects, the gym, planning for grad school and having a social life-I don't keep much down time. I enjoy staying busy because I was not able to for so long in my life. BUT with this, comes a price, I have  to take care of my body. I have to take my vitamins, I have to put myself in bed by a decent time in the evening, and I have to limit junk food. I also have to manage stress (people without chronic illness could be doing better in this category too!). If I stay consistent with these items I feel great and life is good. 

Yes I still have occasional days where I am not motivated and I do not want to do anything, but I attribute it to running hard more so than lyme. I do not have aches and pains associated with lyme, dizziness has been gone forever. 

Ten years ago, if someone said I was one day going to be going to chiropractic school to become a doctor because I had struggled with pain and disease for so long I wouldn't have believed it. I wanted to do some sort of sports, I wanted to get a degree in marine biology after high school. Instead I am going an entirely different direction in my life and I love it. 

I look back and this time has gone by so quickly, but I have not forgotten how terrible some of it was. I remember a few years ago how painful my anxiety and OCD was, that time period feels like it lasted forever. I was seriously afraid that would never end, that was a nightmare and nothing more. The early years with lyme, I spent trying to convince my parents and doctors that I had lyme and what having lyme meant. That was a long process in itself, its a complicated disease to explain to someone whose never had this sort of health issue. I am convinced, through my uncountable conversations with others about health, that lyme and co-infections are a category all in their own. Its not like cancer, it can be similar to autoimmune disease but at the same time it can be the cause of autoimmune, its different from thyroid disorders, its not even close to diabetes-just for some examples. 

I have so so much to be grateful for, my teachers, especially my psych teachers in college. They taught me so much on what it means to be able to manage stress and why its important. My whole journey has taught me about being compassionate and caring for others. 

Im glad im going into the next decade feeling like I have a sturdy ground to stand on, and I have God to thank for that more than anything else. 

Third Post for the Year

Looks Like I Have Been More Quiet Than I Thought

I am happy to report that no news, is in fact good news! I have been feeling well and staying active!
This last year, especially since post-December 2019 or so, I have felt like my body is not longer struggling like it used to.
Bad days are much more rare than before, I rarely have much pain at all, my sleep is pretty good but most of all consistent.
Sleeping better has made all the difference of course, but getting in the sauna, taking some supplements for autoimmune, and spending time de-stressing has really kept my body steady rather than the traditional ups and downs of "how am I going to feel today".
I go to the gym 3-5 times a week for most weeks, except for a couple of exceptions here and there. I have actually started making strong progress in the gym (at least for my body type). A few months ago I started seeing a personal trainer once a week at my gym, it wasn't vey expensive and I knew it would be a good way to keep myself motivated. Over the last two or so months the trainer has started to get rather impressed with my progress, last week he told me I was making better progress than a lot of the guys he's training around my age. Today I was pushing myself a little extra hard, and part way through the session he just looked at me and said "I think you've now surpassed everyone else. Its a close match between you and one other, but I think you are gaining quicker than my other clients at this point."
That made me excited to hear, because I have been going to the gym for a year and a half or so at this point, and I have made progress and gotten stronger. But now I am feeling well all the time and can count on planning ahead and feeling well for that time I have planned. I want to use part of it to go to the gym, I feel great afterwards and if anything I feel accomplished. Over the last four or so weeks I have really pushed going 4-5 times a week even if it is no longer than 30 minutes, so for him to notice the difference...it made me feel like I really was working hard.

The nice part about this trainer is he is my age and also built super skinny like myself, he is also one that would be considered a "slow gainer". So he notices the progress in a different light compared to the types of guys who can build muscle by looking at a rack of weights.

Kansas
I go back to my lyme doctor next month, its more for maintenance at this point. I could probably survive just fine without it. But due to my school schedule and whatnot, its easier to go ahead and take care of myself when it wont be a stress rather than wait for something to head south.
In total, that will be just two visits with my lyme doc this year. Next year the goal is to go once, maybe twice (again there is a lot to consider). Next year I will hopefully be going to graduate school, so depending on how I handle that will probably determine my outcome more than anything else. I think I will be alright, my spring semester of classes this previous semester was very rough. Very stressful for me, but I recovered and it was not so bad after it ended.
In the past it was hard for my body and mind to recover after a series of long stressful events. For me, chemistry class was a long stressful event.

Ongoing Symptoms
I would say Im pretty much symptom free. I can still feel the full moon sometimes, usually ill feel a lack of motivation and maybe even depression. I would say on and off depression is still my worst symptom. The severity is low but it is something that hangs on here and there, I will have a few weeks or months where life is good and its not really a problem. Then I will have a few weeks or months where it is a problem. Its usually tolerable to deal with, could certainly be worse. The lack of motivation and satisfaction is the worst for me.
Pain is pretty much gone 99% of the time, sleep is better, focus is better, mood is better (and more stable), my ability to handle stress is better, anxiety is 99% gone except for occasions (but at that it never matches what it has in the past), OCD is still around on occasion (but again nothing like it once was). Truthfully, Im doing very well and I have a lot to be thankful for.

Stress Reduction
In school, my most favorite teacher ever, taught use this last semester an amazing way of dealing with and dissolving stress. In the beginning of every class we allllll had to pull out a sheet of paper, date it, and just start writing everything on our mind. Good, bad, whatever.
Then after a minute or two, we stop then write things we are grateful for. Again just for a minute or two. Usually starting with the basics, food, a job, friends, a car, a safe home, etc. then moving on into more complicated or more specific things.
Then stop, and write another paragraph or so of whats on our mind. And go through that rotation a few times.
It made every day brighter, so I have tried my best to incorporate that into my weekly life, it was part of my daily life but I find it difficult to do the same tasks every single day. And I do not always need to decompress like that.
I highly recommend it!! Go try it, I know you're thinking about it. Say it with me, I am grateful for......