Kinda Paranoid and also Kinda the Flu...

So I came home with a something from my trip last week...and it may be the flu.
Saturday I was very sick, sweating, chills, fever, nausea, didn't feel like eating, coughing, sounds about like the flu. I took a bunch of things, Sunday was better, and Monday I was almost back to normal. Whatever I took helped for sure.

Now I just have this lingering fatigue and cough. As usual with this fatigue I get this depression, that leaves me thinking.
Whenever I get depressed it's like I'm stuck in my head. I'm too tired to do something to keep myself distracted. But of course I'm no near tired enough to actually take a nap. I've got energy, I'm stuck in my head, I don't feel like actually doing anything....recipe for disaster.

I know this time it was just a little bug, may not have even been the flu. I only picked the flu because everyone in my family has had it recently, must be my turn I guess.
But what about next time, I have tried so hard to get over this Lyme disease and all of its co infections, what if I had to start back from ground zero. Full symptoms and no doctor, what if I had to do that again. Can I even do that again? Physically what would happen? My brain is already shot. I already know it will probably be the last of my organs to get back to what it should be doing(like right now I should be asleep, but this is the best thinking I've done all day). It takes nerves up to 8 years to heal, if I can get may brain in the repair stage before the year is over it would still be 2024 before my brain and the rest of my nervous system is healed.

In the accident that triggered this illness I stretched the nerve in my left arm, lost feeling in all my fingers. It's five years later and feeling is back significantly but overall dulled. That's just one nerve that wasn't broken, I know the Lyme has impeded healing but still.

I mean common sense tells me my brain is fine it's just neurotoxins. Once my body isn't infected and toxic it will work just like it should. The thing is I just don't know.

My muscles and my stomach have taken a beating. Now that I am doing better I've been looking back on what's changed. My muscles have changed. Very much shrunken and I can't exercise.

Yesterday I took a home stomach acid test dr.Jowdy told me to do. I had to drink a water/baking soda solution right after getting up, if it took longer than five minutes to belch the stomach isn't producing a significant amount of acid. I never belched or burped. So as per his instructions I ordered some betaine hcl to take with meals. This would explain why I don't feel like eating, food doesn't leave my stomach, I feel it all day long. It could also explain why I did so well last week on all of the junk food, it's already broken down into nothing.
Anyway, Amazon said my HCL will be here by 8pm tomorrow. I'll report back with results.

Now that I got a little sidetracked, here's why I went from talking about my muscles to my stomach. I think that maybe because I'm always trying to digest food(I don't cycle through full/empty between meals) and not actually getting the nutrients, my muscles don't have the nutrients they need to build themselves. Trying the HCL will be interesting, maybe this will be affected.

All of this has just been running through my mind. Like what if I don't actually get well. What if all of these remedies are just a band aid and making me feel better for the time being. What if I do get better for a while then it all comes back and I don't have access to the Hansa Center or any natural Doctor that I like? I would have to live through the herxing again and not knowing if this antibiotic was going to do anything, just hoping that this one or this combo was the one to help me get better(again). What if after all this I get something else and have to learn an all new disease and find a new doctor? Just over and over I keep thinking about these what if questions.

I know I could do it again. I haven't even finished this time around but I have faith that I will, but my mind keeps my head spinning.

I guess after all this there will be a lot to remember, good and bad.

The Healing Code, have you read it?

     Today I want to talk about a book to nearly everyone I know. Dr. L recommended this to me a few years, and I am so glad I listened! This book really helped me get through the emotional trauma caused by being sick. People with chronic illnesses often have had some kind of emotional trauma at some point in their life.

     Mine stemmed from a few points. When I broke my arm I was in a cast for about 9 weeks. My thumb and pointer finger were unable to flex because the nerve was stretched. All of my fingers on that hand were messed up in some way or another. I had 0 feeling in my pointer and thumb, my middle finger had pins and needles and diminished flexibility, my ring finger was like my middle but less severe, then my pinky was unaffected somehow. Even today I still have diminished feeling in that hand after nearly 5 years, PE, and laser therapy.
Another thing that gets to me, especially on the bad days, is losing friends and being unable to stay involved with things I did previously.
At one point I was active in Boy Scouts, gymnastics, tennis, and anything else fun that came up. The boy scouts especially ticked me off. I was one of the highest ranking kids in the county, active in the Troop, first one in my patrol to reach the rank of eagle at 14 years old, and I had known most of the other guys most of my life.
I went to the meetings and taught the younger kids every week, never missed. I knew all of the younger kids, I enjoyed teaching them. It was great.
A year after becoming an Eagle Scout I just had no more energy for extra activities. I couldn't go and teach every week. No one said anything to me. I took a three month or so break before I went back. One of the first things a patrol member of mine said to me was "Why are you here"
Warming isn't it? I could talk about the Boy Scouts a lot...but lets be honest. Its way overrated.
 I am a double silver Eagle Scout with a full sash of merit badges(I could start the second). I know this from experience. I wasn't one of the kids who let their dad take over either, I made it at 14 because I wanted  to. It was a goal I wanted to accomplish. I just had a strive to thrive.
Now Lyme disease is my priority. I have to strive to survive. Ill thrive later, God willing.

     That's the gist of my sob story. Ill probably post about it again at a later date. Ill get off my rabbit trail and go back to the book.
Emotional trauma stops healing. The mind is the control center for your whole body. If it is overwhelmed with emotions it has to deal with, its priorities are going to change from healing the body, to healing the mind. Stress kills, a stressed brain cannot function.
When we live with emotional trauma, the added physical trauma will be our downfall. Its not possible to be physically well when we are taken down from both sides.
Our heart, according to Dr. Jernigan at the Hansa Center, holds onto these emotional memories. This book, The Healing Code, goes into great detail about how our emotions and thoughts control our health. One of the doctors in the book discussed how his chronically ill patients
 wouldn't get better. The root of it wasn't the wrong pill combination, but emotions.


     Reading this book gave me more sense of self awareness. I am not controlled by the anger or unhappiness I had from becoming ill. I don't blame myself. I used to try to blame others or myself. "Maybe if I would have started complaining about my symptoms sooner I would have found a treatment sooner". Or why didn't someone else see that I felt so bad and say something.
Its important to remember, everything happens for a reason. We may not be able to see the reason, but there will be a positive outcome.

     Being sick taught me to become independent and to avoid following blindly. Whenever a doctor tells me to take something I need to know A.Why? B. What is it going to do to me. C. What are the important side affects.
Too many people take a doctors advice way too seriously. A doctor practices what he/she is taught, most of them do follow a similar script for everyone.
They have a fairly specific protocol for everyone already, for depression they have an A drug they tryout first, same goes for infections, ADD/ADHD, and other disorders.
When drug A or even herb/supplement A doesn't work, they have a backup or plan B.

     I learned to think creatively. I try to think outside the box when it goes to my own treatment. Most doctors(who treat lyme) give 1-3 abx. This will cause a herx reaction from the bacteria dying.
When a herx is coming on, we are told to detox. Detox what? There is always more than lyme bacteria to detoxify. The goal may be to remove the toxins from dead bacteria, but detoxing is so general. It will help remove anything that needs to be removed.
So what specifically is being detoxed, heavy metals, other bacteria toxins(if so which ones?), environmental toxins, pesticides, parasites?
When detoxing usually some symptoms will increase, for me brain fog usually. Which toxins coming out cause which symptoms?
Anyway, this is how I think. "Why" and "how" is what I am always asking. I no longer think, "what if I had" or "but if this-". This poisons our body.

The Healing Code taught me to check my thoughts and emotions. Letting them run wild will lead to downfall, not a better circumstance that "could have been". It was not a standard self help book, it wasn't telling me to change my life to be happy. It explained the science of cellular memories and how they affect our body.
I recommend this book to anyone who struggles with a resistant, chronic disease. It was easy to read and extremely informative.
Emotional healing should be considered in everyone with a chronic disease. Something is blocking the body from healing.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”‘ – Romans 8:28