Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Anxiety Steming from...Where?

Today I have something to report that I don't mention often. In my last post I mentioned how my allergies have changed my mood and overall feeling lately. Today wasn't so bad, less allergy problems than the day before.

Something out of my ordinary did happen though. I had to go out and do some things, nothing strange or out of the ordinary, just a few errands.
But today, it was hard to leave the house and be around other people. Knowing I had to go out and speak to people while doing something slightly out of my routine, became stressful. I thought ok, I can do it. I am not doing anything hard, I just have to go to the Post Office and get some stamps and Mail a few things. People have been doing this for over a hundred years, it isn't hard.

Yet still I felt reserved and almost afraid. But I made it through the Post Office fine. I mean I do feel like I could have personally delivered everything I had to mail cheaper than that book of stamps was, but whose got time for that. Hah.

After buying stamps I had to go to the ATM. This should be fun, I'm gaining not losing money today-whose complaining! Well today, I guess I was. This kind of anxiety/reservation is rather out of the ordinary for me. The thought of driving up to the ATM and doing what I need to accomplish with a line of cars behind me watching my every move, was rather stress inducing.

When I actually made it to the ATM, and took a step out of my marathon running brain, it all went fine. Quick and easy. I was the only car at the bank until the last minute. It couldn't have gone any better I don't think. Still, on the drive home I was back in my head. Creating more stress and anxiety.

I felt nervous and afraid. Like I was totally powerless against everything, even though I had nothing to go up against. No reason for it, but even when I was back at home the feelings continued. My hands even started shaking. Not for long, but I was having tremors out of my usual.

Today was an unusual day, but it did get better before the day was over.

I cannot imagine what someone who has an anxiety disorder such as PANDAS has to live with on a dailey basis. The anxiety from an average day is taxing, but even more so on an extra stressful day experiencing something out of the ordinary routine...
Wow


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