Feeling Off

Always Something!

I posted a few days ago about being depressed at night and that I have felt frustrated lately. Today is my addition to that post...

I'm not sure what's going on with me at the moment. Last night I didn't have the extreme depression that I had been experiencing, which is good. Buuut, I still just don't feel right. It's like I get to try out the normal other people get to have. A test drive. 

It's great while it lasts and I use my well days to the fullest extent, without over driving my system. But when it's all said and done-there's my old, worn out body in disguise pretending it's better. Why wellness doesn't stick is something that stays on my mind. I stay positive, I eat well, I follow the doctors orders, I know I really can do this! But there is a normal that I just cannot escape. 

I hate even calling what I experience "normal" because it's anything but that. Anyone else who experiences it will agree, I'm sure! When all is said and done, it just is what it is. I will follow the path I need to take. I will do what my doctor says and I will continue to treat my body well. In the end, time will be what it takes. It takes a strenuous amount of time to build something, rebuilding something(anything really) is just as much if not more of a challenge.

That's what chronic disease is, it just so happens my chronic disease is Lyme disease. 

Why is that important? I don't know. Bacteria can be killed and damage can be stopped, but we have no way to measure progress with an infection such as this. It's all clinical, an educated guess.

My symptoms are better than they have been the last several years. I say that in about every post it seems....but I still don't feel well all the time.

Tonight for instance, I have a weird, light headache. It's like slight pressure, not enough to hurt but just enough to annoy me. Then I have nausea. I can't eat too much at once and I can't drink to much at once, that is just way too overwhelming to my stomach. Is it Lyme doing this? I have no choice but to assume it is. 

There isn't anything to be done about it. I will get over it one day. I just have to keep working,

And working 

And working 

And working